My best friend's daughter is rude, obnoxious, an expert on every subject there is, won't ever let you get a word in edgewise and is the best of everything in everything, thinks shes America's next top model (she's actually homely,) and I can't stand being around her. She's been condesending to me too, I guess because her mother never reprimanded her as a child and let her (and still does) walk all over her.
I've been invited to the daughter's house a few times to watch football games and for various baby showers and kids birthday parties, which I've declined every invititation that was forthcoming because I can't STAND this girl (she's 37 years old, so she's never going to change now, probably just get worse.)
How do I tactfully tell my friend that her daughter is obnoxious, I can't stand her, don't want to be around her, don't want to be invited to her home, etc? My friend is a nice person who thinks that her daughter is "perfect" even though she treats her badly.
Please advise.
2007-10-31 12:41:18 · 10 answers · asked by serialmom12 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
**Let me add this one thing, my friend doesn't hesitate to point out ALL of my children's imperfections. I'm different though, I know they're not perfect, but they're not in jail, on drugs or alcholics either. Both work and go to school and are productive members of society. I did mention once that "At least MY children respect their mother and their mother's friends and have good manners" but of course that comment went right over her head**
2007-10-31 14:19:28 · update #1
You really can not say anything. you stand in jeopardy of losing your friend. My advise, is to somehow find the strength to overlook this 37 year olds faults. and, try to have your friend over your home more often. Its your choice.
2007-10-31 12:55:19 · answer #1 · answered by Winters child 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Mothers will protect their young like a lioness in the wild; to the death. You cannot, for course, say anything you wrote here; if you do, be prepared to lose your friend forever; she will naturally side with her daughter and you will look like the villain. The ONLY thing you CAN say is, you feel her daughter does not like you; you can say you get the distinct impression she seems to "talk down" to you and you are uncomfortable around her. That's as far as you dare go. If she asks why you think she dislikes you, then pull out the "talks down" to you excuse. She will then talk to the daughter about it and it might actually help the daughter make the effort to be polite...but don't count on it. And you're right; in time, since she has been spoiled all her life and has such a high opinion of herself, she will get much much worse.
2007-10-31 20:46:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Edit- Since she doesn't fell there is anything wrong with pointing out your childrens flaws, you should be allowed the same right.
You might want to ask her if her daughter doesn't like you and point out condescending things she's done towards you. You could tell her that you don't feel comfortable being in her daughters house because you feel she doesn't care for you.
You might even pinpoint events in which her daughter acted obnoxious and ask her mom if her daughter is like that all the time.
2007-10-31 19:57:26 · answer #3 · answered by samurai_fairy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh God--I cant stand women like that. I know exactly what you'te talking about--because I've met women like that; and its sickening just to be in the same room.
Well, to be honest--your best friend should have raised her daughter better. I'm not saying she's not a good mom; but someone should have spoken up when that girl was 12 years old. I'm a Teacher, and I will bet the farm that that litle witch daughter started talking back and acting like a pompous jackass when she was about 10 years old. There's a 10 year old girl in my school now who is JUST like your friend's daughter. She's a complete smartass who has the nerve to correct adults, roll her eyes, gives major attiude with smartass comments all day long. I swear, I want to slap that girl. If she were my kid, I'd knock her into next week. Teachers complain about her, but her stupid Mom just thinks this is some 'phase' that will go away--it wont! She's going to be a total bit@h in 5 years...
Anyway--your best friend failed as a parent in a way. Loving our children means making sure they have good CHARACTER: kindness, humilty, work ethic, treating others with respect & helping others. Because your friend failed to correct or slap her daughter as a teen when she was extremly disrespectful--the girl grew up to be an a$$hole. On the other hand, your friend is probably emotionally attatched to her daughter, and probably "loved" her so much--too much--that your friend wanted to be "liked" instead of being a "mother". Thats a huge problem in parenting: wanting to be "liked". It causes kids to end up like your friend's daughter.
Anyway--if I were you, and if that woman was truly my best friend--I would come straight out and tell her. If that woman is truly your best friend--I'd come out and tell her. The only problem is that the miserable little bit@h is 37 years old--and thats too damn old to change her character. She will never change. So, if you want a relationship with your friend, you'll have to realize that your friend will always choose her daughter before you. And she will most likey always make excuses and defend the homely witch. Therfore, you tell your friend that if she wants your friendship--Respect Has to Go Both Ways. Make it clear you will Not be subject to disrespect by anyone, including her daughter. Make it clear that she must understand that her dauhter's behavior crosses the line; and that you refuse to be in her company. You will not attend any functions where she is because of her rudeness & hatefullness. Make it clear that you are GROWN, and that you will not tolerate verbal abuse from ANYONE--including her ugly a$$ daughter. Tell her that her daughter is abusive to her as well.
I have a 70 year old co-worker is verbally abused by her 17 year old granddaughter. My co-worker is the sweetest woman who bends over backward to help this brat all the time; But the little spoiled witch yells at her, calls her names, and demands money from her constantly--her own grandmother! Luckily, my co-worker is wise enough to admit that her granddaughter is totally out of line & rude. I told my co-worker very clearly that if I am EVER in her home, and her granddaughter comes over and begins yelling and screaming at her that I WILL put her in her place--period. She will NOT talk to ger grandmother like that in my prescence--period. And If I have to get 3 inches from that little wench's face to explain that-- I will. My co-worker did object to my wanting to do that.
Well---if she is really your friend, she will understand and respect your feelings. You do not have to put up with this. And the next time that wicth talks down to you--you give her a piece of your mind. Tell her nothing but the truth, how maybe she's have a better life if she werent so ugky & hateful, and everything else that everyone is too afraid to say--and I'll bet that she cries. Dont argue, just walk right out afterwards.
Good Luck
2007-10-31 21:41:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you value your friendship with the older woman, do not say anything about her obnoxious daughter.
Just continue to politely decline any invitations from the daughter, and if you want to visit with your friend, have her over or meet her for lunch.
People never see their kids as anything except perfect.
2007-10-31 20:33:05 · answer #5 · answered by Cat Lady 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like the apple didn't fall far from the tree.
You blame your friend's daughter; however, it sounds like your friend encourages that behaviour by 'rewarding' her daughter with accolades and putting down YOUR children.
I don't think your 'friend' is much of a friend at all. Dig deeper into your friendship with this woman and you'll probably see a selfish pattern in mom, too!
2007-11-01 03:11:18 · answer #6 · answered by stevemeister 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There is no possible way to say anything negative about the daughter without insulting your friend as well. The best you can do is decline invitations to your friend's home when she invites you. If you'd like her company, perhaps you can invite her to your home.
2007-11-01 02:27:48 · answer #7 · answered by drshorty 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
oooohhhhh -- you would be best not to even go near that subject, especially with her mother. It's the same with mother in laws and the spouses married to their children: Don't criticize a mother's child.
My advice is to grin and bear it ... no matter how painful and uncomfortable it may be. Your friend is set in her ways, her daughter is set in her ways. Saying something now will definitely ruin your friendship.
2007-10-31 20:37:09 · answer #8 · answered by tracy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like a child who wants her mommy to herself. do not tell your friend about her child that will make her defensive. just plan dates without the daughter, is she an only child?
2007-10-31 19:51:37 · answer #9 · answered by sheilasays 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've been doing fine-avoiding that creature. If you value your friendship, don't tell your friend 'cause that wouldn't serve any good purpose. Just don't be around that creature.
2007-10-31 20:17:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋