Sexual Harassment?

Question

Theres this man in one of my classes at school. I have made it clear that I am only in my second year of college, right our of high school, so he knows that I'm around 19 or 20. He's at least 10 years older, maybe more. He's constantly touching me, my arms, my hair, and giving me hugs that I just don't return. I've told him to stop but he just responds with "But I like you..." I know I need to be a little more assertive and tell him to cut it out in a more forceful way, but I don't want to be mean. He's a nice person and I don't mind talking to him, but the physical contact makes me very uncomfortable and it's gotten to the point where I try to avoid him if I see him on campus. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to be nice about getting him to stop touching me and that I'm not interested at all? My mom also thinks that if it gets worse that I should consider filing a sexual harassment claim. Would this actually be considered sexual harassment? Thanks so much in advance!

Answer 1

Stop being nice. You don't need to feel bad about telling him where his boundaries are where you are concerned! You have a right to feel comfortable and safe when you are in a classroom and/or walking around on campus. If he was, as you claim, a "nice person," he wouldn't deliberately do something that makes you uncomfortable after you have repeatedly asked him to stop. Change your seat, talk to your professor, and stop talking to this guy. If he still doesn't give up, then don't ask and don't threaten, just file the claim. He is the epitome of the "dirty old man!"

Answer 2

First and foremost, this is not about you being "nice." "Nice" and "mean" are irrelevant here. YOU are uncomfortable. YOU are unhappy. He is clearly not concerned about your feelings, yet you are letting him touch you rather than hurt his.

I really hope your mother has already told you this, but "nice" needs to be off of the table. That doesn't mean you have to be rude; tell him firmly and directly not to touch you. Do not allow him to hug you. Say, "please do not hug me." If he tries, firmly keep him away. You need to start setting your boundaries because right now you are allowing this. I'm not saying it is your fault; I'm saying that you are prioritizing what you assume he will feel over your personal physical safety.

The age gap does concern me a bit as well, given your respective ages and the setting (college campus where he is a decade older than the average student.)

I recommend very clear physical boundaries (articulated verbally and with your own body language). I would also recommend alerting campus police about the situation the moment that you present very clear boundaries and he ignores them. This is about getting (and keeping) all of your ducks in a row should you need them in the future. It will help if you ever do have to take any sort of legal action (civil or criminal.) While I don't suspect that you will get any sort of reaction out of them, tell the campus security that you are uncomfortable enough that you want them to be aware of the situation. This guy is a stranger to you (as far as I can tell.) Please choose to be safe rather than sorry. And although you will feel awkward, disregard his feelings as he has disregarded yours. Please protect yourself. He could be a predator who is testing the waters.

Be safe. Best of luck.

Add: Oh, and another thing. I went back and read some answers and there's a lot of crap on there about "if you still want to be friends with him." That would be a very poor decision for several reasons. 1) How could you consider someone a friend that does not respect your physical boundaries like this? 2) If he is this physically agressive in public, do not "hang out" with him privately as you would a friend. This guy needs to know NOTHING about you.

Answer 3

I definitely would say that this is sexual harassment and think you should file a sexual harassment claim. I know that you don't want to be mean to him but you have already asked him nicely to stop. Stop means stop no matter what way you say it. Does the teacher not notice this? If she hasn't noticed it, you need to see if you can talk to her after class or something about it. I'm sure your professor will do something about it. If you don't feel like saying something to him/her because you share the same class then go to your advisor and see if you will be able to have the same class but at a different time. Im sure you'll be able to.

I really hope this helps out. I just hope you do something about it.

Answer 4

If you were my daughter, he would be moving to the other side of the hall when he saw you coming.
I suggest seeing a counselor at your college since they deal with this kind of thing on a regular basis.
You could get loud and rude in front of other people the next time he touches you.
Your young age makes him think that you are not mature enough to keep saying no. This man probably thinks that you are one of the fringe benefits of going back to school.
Women in their 30's and 40's would intimidate him or make it VERY VERY clear that he was going to suffer if he kept bothering them.
The campus Police or any Policeman could most likely put a stop to it by saying a few words to this man.
Unfortunately there are too many women that do not have the morals that you do and dress like they are inviting sexual advances that encourage this kind of behavior.

Answer 5

ANY physical touch that may bring unpleasant feelings between people of different or same gender, is considered a harassment. Period. In this case, you are a girl, and you are being harassed by a man 10 years older than you, this case once filed will definitely be in favor of you. My idea is: you got to let him know how serious you are. You can have someone, for instance your dad or mom, call this guy and tell him to keep hands off you, in a polite way.

Answer 6

You should just plain out tell him that he's making you feel uncomfortable. I mean if someone is touching you and you tell them to stop then you have every right to file a sexual harassment suit. You'd definitely win, especially if he's 10 years your senior and you're not even 21 yet. There's no such thing as a nice person who doesn't respect your feelings.

Answer 7

I don't like this guy already. I'm not a girl and I've never been in that situation b4 but I know that if I ever saw this going on with one of my sisters I would probably knock him out, it wouldn't matter how old the guy is. My advice if you can't get him to stop by telling him, talk to a school staff member. I'm sure they have a counselor or something. Tell him/her how you feel and that you want him to stop. If that don't work then go ahead and consider it sexual harassment.

Answer 8

This is sexual harrassment since you have told him that the touching is not wanted. I would speak to whoever runs your school. Any more interaction with this guy will likely encourage him. Don't sit next to him in any classes and continue to avoid him. Also, try speaking to your professor about the problem--he/she might have a suggestion. If I were you, have a friend walk you to your car--just to be on the safe side. Good Luck.

Answer 9

This is definitely sexual harassment. You told him to stop and he continues. You don't need to be nice about it, let him know that if he doesn't stop that you will file charges. Too many times things like this happen and woman try to be nice but when the man is making you uncomfortalbe and sexually harassing you, you must seek help. You don't want it to turn into something where worst happens. You don't know him well enough to assume that he is a nice guy and means nothing by this. Please seek out help. Goodluck.

Answer 10

any act that a man does that makes you feel uncomfortable is sexual harassment. if you tell him to stop and he continues to do it, that could be a sign that it is leading up to something worse. i wouldn't file a claim yet, but i agree with your mom--if it continues or worsens, do it. there are a lot of strange people in the world, and you never know which of the people around you are one of them. good luck, i hope everything turns out all right.