How do I tell my parents that i don't want them to have my son if i die?

Question

They are good parents, I just think that he would be better off with a younger couple.
They have been friends of mine for a long time and they know my son really well.

Answer 1

Okay, this is going to sound a bit calloused...but do you have to tell them? If you are making this official and putting it in a will (which I strongly suggest) then you don't really have to tell them.

Tell them it is for their benefit as you don't want their retirement years to be a time when they raise a second family. Assure them that you have made it very clear to the other people that your parents are to have a very active role in your son's life. Good luck!

Answer 2

we'll hopefully your untimely demise will not happen before your child is of age.. but if so..You and your child father need to have something written up and notarized stating upon your death , you wish for your son to live with your friends. You don't have to necessarily have to t tell your parents, unless your health is an issue. But, I think just sitting them down and explaining your reasons: there younger, know your son well, etc. And let them know that your good friends would continue to let them have the same relationship your child has always had with them. Honesty is always the best policy, and if they don't agree with your decisions then the written document you have will inforce your wishes. Hope this helps.

Answer 3

First you need to talk to the couple and make sure they are ok with that then you need to have a will drawn up stating who you want to have custody of your son if something should happen to you. That doesnt mean that your parents wont fight for him and potentially get custody but it would help to let everyone know what your wishes are. If you feel you have to talk to them about it, I would have a copy of your will and sit them down and explain why you made the decision that you did. Tell them that you talked with the couple and they feel very strongly about making sure they have a open door policy with them and that they wont hinder the relationship of your son and them. There really is no easy way to tell them and they will be hurt at first but hopefully they will repsect your wishes.

If it were me, I would talk to them. They would be more hurt and have to deal with not only losing their daughter but the fear of losing their grandson. You could even set up a meeting with your parents and your friends if you feel you need to take it that far.
Good Luck.

Answer 4

You don't tell them. But, you can make them the plan B option, like if your friends get a divorce. Who gets your son? Also, who will take them to family functions holiday gatherings? Are you planning on your friends to adopt him and have no contact with your family?

It all sounds very complicated and there's a chance not only your parents, but your son will be upset with your decision when he's older.

Answer 5

you dont really have to tell them verbally I would tell the couple you prefeer to keep your son in event of an emergency. then get this in writing to cover your wishes. I wouldnt verbally tell your parents now because this will hurt them and you dnt want any hard feelings.
id also make wishes in writing that your parents stay in touch with your son too GOD forbid there be an emergency and your son needs a kidney or something that most likely family would be the first pick!
take care

Answer 6

Unless you have a reason to believe you're dying soon, don't tell them. Put it in your will, and, if you like, leave a letter explaining your decision. Also explain that you want them to be involved in your son's life, and make sure that the couple who would be caring for your son understand this as well.

Answer 7

when my twins were born, my mother in law asked me who would get them if my patner & i died. I told her i'd have to think about it - i couldnt tell her that i didnt want her to have them- nor do i want my parents to have them- because the way they parent is completely different to how i want them raised.
I havent told them, but i would want my younger sister to have them- - cos she understands where i'm coming from on the whole parenting thing - and i dont want the grandparents to fight over them (And i know they would).
Its a really touchy subject with the lot of them, so i dont really know how to brooch it with them either.
I think it may be as simple as to sit them down and explain the reason for your decision - and tell them not to take it personally

Answer 8

My parents know that if my husband and I pass away my sister and her husband will have full custody of my children. Why? Because they have raised us and they shouldn't have to raise anymore children. If I pass, they are going to be getting to the point again where someone will have to care for them. It's just not fair to them or my children. They are happy with that. I think partly because they know my sister will always let them see them.

Answer 9

Best way to do this would be to have a will. Even if you tell them and you die without a will, they could still end up with your kids. Without a will it is up to the courts to decide (if more than one party wants them; grandparents, aunts&Uncles, friends, etc.) and they like children to stick with family.

Answer 10

r u sick? otherwise i don't think it's an issue. and who has to know. just take care of the necessary paperwork etc, with the couple you are talking about. don't mention a thing to your parents. if they bring it up...telll them you do not want to burden them in their older age with raising your child. but that you really appreciate the relationship they have with him now and hope that it would continue.