Does this mean he doesn't really love me?

Question

Almost every time my boyfriend says he loves me he kinda mumbles it. Like he says it in a low voice with the words running together. You know what I mean and he usually doesn't look at me. Like this morning I was leaving to go to work and I said I love you Mike, he mumbles it back. I looked at him and asked why he says it that way. He says he doesn't mean to that he just don't think. I said well it hurts me and makes me think you don't mean it when you say it and he is like well I am sorry. I tell him that all the time but he still almost always mumbles it. Why? Do you think he doesn't mean it? Serious answers only please this is already bothering me enough.

We have been together almost 2 years now.

Answer 1

Please take a step back. You are asking STRANGERS what we think your boyfriend is feeling. STRANGERS. There are a million reasons why. Maybe he's not the best at articulating his feelings, a common thing - particularly with men. (OK, that's stereotypical, but ... true enough.) Maybe he's reluctant to be so expressive for reasons that have nothing to do with you. I could go on, but no need.

You are asking strangers to interpret your boyfriend's feelings. Presumably you ask because you are going to take our opinions seriously. You even go so far as to ask for "serious answers only." Please please PLEASE do not take anyone's evaluation of the situation seriously. No matter what the opinion is based on. Most likely they will be based on answerer's own experiences. Those past experiences WERE NOT WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND. Your boyfriend is a unique human being who can't be blindly compared by strangers to other strangers.

I understand that it hurts you when he does that and I understand that it makes you feel insecure about his sincerity. The word "love" is a loaded word for many people for many reasons. In all likelihood this has nothing to do with you specifically.

If you love him, give him the benefit of the doubt. And consider talking to him. REALLY talking to him. Not at a time when you are "leaving to go to work." At a time when you are both comfortable and content and happy. Because that's when people can be most honest.

I know that sometimes it stinks to have to "ruin a good day" so to speak by bringing up something like this when you two are getting along. But if you try it this way he will be less likely to be defensive then if you're standing at the door on your way out telling him that he hurts you. We all hurt each other sometimes, but think about what it must feel like to essentially be told, "It doesn't feel good when you tell me that you love me." That's kind of a hard topic to tackle at any time, let alone when there is no time to engage in a real conversation.

If you really want to ease your concerns, go have some fun together, enjoy yourselves, and then cuddle in on the couch and ask him if you two can talk. Don't bring up the conversation by saying something like, "It hurts me and makes me thing you don't mean it." Don't place blame. Apologize for being so short with him during the conversation this morning (even if you weren't short at all... you just want to take the emphasis off of him doing something "wrong") and explain that you just didn't know how else to bring up the subject. Tell him that you love him and you might just be reading too much into nothing, but sometimes you kind of feel like you're forcing him to say "I love you" by saying it yourself. Tell him that you believe that he actually does love you and the last thing you want to try to do is make him uncomfortable with this. See where that conversation goes. I have a feeling it will end up opening some communication that will deepen your relationship.

Alternatively, if you don't want to bring it up like this, you could operate under the assumption that (for WHATEVER reason) he does not like to say "I love you." Come up with a secret code of sorts. Let him know that when you wink at him (or whatever you come up with) you're telling him that you love him. Then start doing it. Don't say "I love you" so much, just wink. Wink when you would normally say "I love you" and at sneaky times too; from across the room when he's talking to someone else, etc. I think you will find that he will not only wink back, but he'll wink at you first once you guys get this down a bit. The key is to make the expression of love less about obligation and more about ... well... more about love.

Those are just some suggestions. I guess my point is that you have to figure this out with him, not with strangers on Yahoo! Answers. Please don't take any assessments of the situation seriously because we have never met him and have absolutely NOTHING to base an opinion on.

Best of luck to you!

Add: Oh my God. I just read your "question" about getting your cat spayed - which was actually about your boyfriend. I would not want to be told by my boyfriend that he would choose the cat. However, I would also not want to be asked by my boyfriend whether I would choose him or the cat... while his answer was nonsense, the question was too and you should take some responsibility for that.

I was kind of alarmed that you called him foul names in that "question." You're clearly pretty angry; your concern that he does not love you does not seem to actually be coming from his mumbling the words, but from a negative dynamic between the two of you that results, in part, with you coming on here and calling him foul names.

Yikes.

You seem to be coming up with a lot of false pretenses under which you want to characterize your relationship: What does it mean if he mumbles I love you? What does it mean if he says he'd lose me before getting the cat spayed? Etc. Put all of that nonsense aside (including what I wrote above.) You two need to have a straight-up conversation about your feelings for eachother without getting wrapped up in cats, carpets, mumbling, whatever. Straight up. Period. Get it out and get on with whatever you two are really looking for from each other.

Answer 2

I think sometimes when you have gotten used to saying I love you, every time you say it, you don't necesarily say it like you really feel it. You know, if you're used to saying it eery time you say goodbye, it gets to the point where you sort of say it without thinking. It doesn't mean you don't mean it, it's just that when you're in a relationship you don't necessarily always feel the intensity of that love, and sometimes you might save saying I love you for the times when you are particularly reminded of why you love that person. So it might just be that he's gotten so used to saying it that he mumbles it like he might mumble goodbye to his guy friends.
But if he specifically mumbles it more than he does anything else, then I guess you have a right to ask. When you asked him did he answer by reiterating that he really does love you, and does mean it? If he did, then I think you can rest assured. If he doesn't love you anymore then I am sure you would feel that through other things than just the way he says I love you, like how he acts around you, how much time he wants to spend with you etc. If everything else about your relationship seems fine, I would assume he still loves you. He is probably just not thinking about just how much he loves you every time he says it, which I think is natural in a two year relationship. It's like you might say I love you really quickly to your mother before running out the door, but you don't take her by the shoulders, look into her eyes and say it with all your heart every time you leave her, even though that is really how you feel if you were asked seriously about it, or if you were in an intense situation.

Answer 3

If this is something he does all the time, and your relationship isn't all that rocky and nothing in the relationship has changed, then it's not something to be worried about.

If this sort of mumbling has started after a certain incident or a noticeable change in overall behavior in your relationship, then it may be problematic.

Regardless, tell him to speak his thoughts. Maybe he's been bothered by work or stress. If you let his thoughts speak, he may not mumble so much. Remember, there normally is a reason for every action, and you have to find out why by making yourself and him as earnest as possible.

Answer 4

I think that you need to talk to him and it's mostly about his actions. Does he treat you like he loves you? Does he do things that make you feel like you're in love? Anyone can say "I love you" but I do get what you're saying. He should not have a problem saying he loves you especially if that's how he really feels. I say no, he doesn't! I would suggest, get it right with him, have him answer you questions, if he doesn't and he just runs away from the questions, dump his ***! I bet if you talk to someone else, he's feelings will come out!

Answer 5

Um. wow thats a toughy. Honestly when someone loves you they will look you straight in the eye and say it. That shows that 100% they are in love with you. So much of love is shown by your actions. Saying "i love you" is not all of the love. So if he doesnt say "I love you", in a sincere way, maybe he shows it in other ways. He has to love you in some sort of way since you have been together for 2 years.

Answer 6

Maybe he isn't ready to say just cause you are. He cares for you very much if you've been together for 2 years but maybe just isn't ready to say those words. Maybe he just needs alittle bit more time. Dont pressure him though because that will just scare him into saying and won't mean anything. He'll come around. Don't worry. He LOVES you.

Answer 7

Well it sounds like a lot of men and you can't always take it to mean anything. However, the fact that you have asked him to be more sensitive and he isn't makes me wonder if he really cares enough to actually say 'I love you' and mean it!

Sorry if thats not the answer you wanted.

Answer 8

For some screwy reason a lot of guys seem to hate the say the phrase "I love you". I think they see saying it as a sign of weakness, like admitting they are under your spell; like you have this mysterious power over them. A lot of guys don't like a situation where they feel they are not in control.

PS, This doesn't mean he doesn't love you; you should be able to judge that by how he treats you.

Answer 9

It is hard for some men and women to show their affection. It has nothing to do with whether he really loves you or not. Look to his upbringing and how his parents show affection for clues. Maybe he does other things. Saying 'I love you' is a very simplistic way of showing someone you care about them. It's HOW he shows you. Is he thoughtful, does he do things for you out of the blue, does he show you he thinks about you? Men show their love in many different ways than simple words.

Answer 10

I say give him time. Love isn't always something men embrace. In fact, the best way to test if he really feels love for you is to wait for him to say it and look at the small things he does. Don't rush dumping him because of this.