Is "I promise to trust" included in the wedding vows.?

Question

My boyfriend says it is. He says that if I don't trust him then I don't love him. I disagree. I think you can love someone and not trust them.

Answer 1

I don't think it's included in wedding vows. You can love someone and not trust them but it's not great to accept that you don't trust him. Find some ways to work out your trust issues- individual or couples therapy may help.

Answer 2

Not in the traditional vows (certainly not in the UK, may be different elsewhere) but some places allow you to write their own. However my concern is why are you marrying a man you do not trust? A healthy relationship cannot come from a couple who have no trust, that is one of the most important factors in a good marriage. If there is no trust then the rot sets in very quickly.

Answer 3

Traditions are going to the way side, and most of the time it is a good thing! When you say your vows, your are promising to your sweetheart what you are willing to do in the future with them. You might want to dig a bit deeper to see why the trust issue is so important to him. I have always felt that love without trust is love on a different level than what I would live with. Here is what most folks feel the defention of Love is:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Tt always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13 If this is how you feel towards your boyfriend, that is wonderful, if not....then you might want to take a deeper look to see if this is a match that will past the test of time. Chaplain Debby

Answer 4

You can love someone and not trust them. The question is did they do something to loose your trust or is it just you don't trust anyone? If in fact they lost your trust then you need to decide whether you can get passed it or you need to move on. Or if the fact is you don't trust period. Then you need to look in yourself and see where it went wrong. Some of us have trust issues from our past. That's when we have to go back and try to deal with it. If not then the issue of not trusting will go into any relationship we're in and the relationship won't last, especially if you know the person is a great person. Being with someone is hard but being with them and not trusting is harder.

Answer 5

I have our service written down. We didn't specifically say, "trust." We said "I give you this ring as a sign of my love and faithfulness" when we did the rings and the minister said, "You may kiss to show your love and commitment to each other" at the end. If the reason that you don't "trust" him is that he cheated on you, you have no reason to love him and should not. If you are merely worried he might cheat (and have no real reason to feel that way), you may be just insecure about the relationship and need to have a honest conversation with him about both your commitment levels. If the "trust" is referring to something else, you need to figure out how serious an issue that is overall. If you getting married, it is EXTREMELY important to resolve any trust issues before you do it. Marriage should be on a solid foundation and you should go into it assuming you will be together forever.

Answer 6

Hi,
It used to be "Love, Honor & Obey" but in recent years the "obey" was dropped b/c women thought it was chauvanistic (and it is) since only women were required to repeat this particular word in their vow exchange. I think alot of couples are writing their own vows these days, but I can honestly say that the word "Trust" has NEVER been a part of the wedding ceremony. The fact that your boyfriend is insisting that it is in the vows states some type of security issues you may have with him or maybe he has some fidelity issues himself. Either way, the two of you might want to consider therapy if you are considering marriage if either of these issues, or other issues, are found to be true. Good Luck!

Answer 7

My husband and I included it in the vows we wrote. Trust is one of the #1 building blocks of a relationship. You cannot have a successful marriage without trust...and it takes more than love to make a marriage work, too.

Answer 8

You cannot truly love someone without trusting them. Trust is the most neccesary thing in a relationship. Not trustign him means that you believe that he is doing something that he shouldn't be doing and that you notice that. Without trust you have nothing. Sorry to disagree with you but he's right. You can still have strong feelings for him and want to love him but you know deep in your heart that you don't. But the question is does he deserve to be trusted.

Answer 9

"I promise to trust" is not in the traditional wedding vows. You can always put it in if you want to...although it occurs to me that you can't really promise to trust someone.

That said, it certainly is possible to love someone without trusting them. Right now, I don't trust my kid any farther than I can throw him, but I love him to death!

I am equally certain, though, that you can't have a good marriage without implicit trust. It is absolutely essential that you trust your spouse; it's the foundation of marriage. If you are having trouble with trust it is critical that you resolve that issue before marrying.

Answer 10

Of course you can love someone and not trust them. For example, you may not trust an addict, but that does not mean that you are incapable of loving them, or that they are unlovable..

As for the vows, you can include anything you want, depending on the type of service you're having.