What Do You Do When Someone Refuses to Forgive?

Question

I said something to offend someone. I wrote and apologized. She refuses to forgive me and has now blocked all mail so that I cannot apologize again.
What do I do?

I have tried to make things right, but my hands are now tied, so to speak. This person is now telling others how unkind and offensive I am.

Advice?
Thanks so much.

Thanks to all of you!
Yes, I was sincere. She is just telling others how unkind and offensive I am.
It is best to let it go and forget it, I guess. There is nothing more I can do.

Answer 1

Forgive yourself then forgive her then move on. Forgiveness does not mean everything will go back the way it was. It means that you are free to move on, the consequences for your actions are still there. If the consequences are that you lost a friend then I hope the lesson is learned and you forgive and move on.

Answer 2

Seriously, you did your part. All you can do is try to clean up your side of the street. If you feel that you have honestly done that, you are not responsible for how the other person acts or feels.

I have made amends to people that did not seem to be accepted at the time. I was able to walk away without them having any power over me. Some of those people still want nothing to do with me, but I'm free. In some other cases, time does have a healing effect and my initial amends left an opening to heal the relationship later.

But again, you have done all that you can do. There is nothing more that you can do, so don't waste your time and effort thinking about it.

Finally, don't concern yourself too much with what she is saying about you. Most people form their opinions about people based on their own personal experiences. Her gossiping will show more as a reflection upon her own character.

Answer 3

At it's core forgiveness is a choice; You have the right to ask somebody for forgiveness and they have the right to refuse you. There are some things in life that because of the long term trauma that the victim endures should never be forgiven .
Then there are the every day social faux pas' that we all do that don't quite meet the extreme example that I just mentioned and those should be forgiven.
You are a civilized person and you did what a civilized person would be expected to do in that situation . You should do no more because you have fulfilled your societal obligation.
The obligation to act in a civilized manner is now hers and she has the choice of whether to act as a civilized person or not to.

Answer 4

I think that the ball is in her court now. You hurt this person bad and have tried to make things right and apologized and now you have to give her time to decide what she wants to do. It is good that you realize how much you hurt her and that you have apologized but forgiving you is her choice. Learn from your mistakes and what went wrong and hopefully one day she will forgive you and you two can put this behind you. Hopefully the other people that she talks to about what you done to her will keep or form their own opinion about you and not get involved in the issues between the two of you. Good Luck, I hope things work out for both of you.

Answer 5

If your apology was honest true, then you have done what you should. Now it is in her hands to forgive you or not. You can't make someone accept an apology, as long as you did your best you have to let it go. Just try to be more aware of what you are saying and the pain that words can cause.
Give her time, she may need to overcome her pain before she can forgive you.

Answer 6

Unkind? Offensive? You? Not hardly!!!!
The person must have misunderstood or something.
Since you said you were sorry over the problem and were blocked, you must accept that the person doesn't want to talk about it with you now.
When a person is hurt, they sometimes lash out. Maybe that is why they are saying untrue things to others. Noy fair, but very human. I bet in time they will calm down and reconsider.

Answer 7

If you sincerely apologized then there is no more you can do. Just hope in time that she finds it in her heart to forgive. I don't know obviously what you said to offend her maybe it was to an extent that time will be needed for forgiveness. Just in future maybe think twice before saying offensive things. If she is telling other what you said then that is no ones fault but your own really. I'm afraid its one of the consequences, humble pie if you will.

Answer 8

I've been more on the refusing to forgive side than the other and it was always because I was either deeply hurt or my trust was grossly violated (not saying you did either of those) and it took time for me to cool off. When I was approached after a period of being left alone, I was generally more responsive to making amends with a person than when everything was very fresh and on the surface. Perhaps a little time is what is needed.

Answer 9

Give it some time. If you've hurt someone's feelings, even unintentionally, that person needs to get over it and let it go. By being up in their face too often after something sensitive happens, it just makes the situation too tense. Let the person have a few days to calm down and then approach her again some other way.

Answer 10

Hand-written letter of apology and admit you made a mistake.
If others mention her comments regarding your unkindness and offensiveness let them know you made a mistake and apologized several times. That's all you can do. Give it time.

To err is human; to forgive is divine - Alexander Pope