How did you overcome, and how did you re-gain the trust with your wife? How long did it take to overcome the addiction and re-gain the trust?
2007-10-31 08:50:01 · 39 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Again - this question is for Christian Married Men, not people who think porn is cool. Serious answers please. Thanks.
2007-10-31 08:54:37 · update #1
Yes. I have. The re-gaining trust doesn't apply for me as I went through this when we first started dating. However the addiction and temptation are lifelong. The biggest thing is that the person has to know they are doing something wrong, and recognize that it is harmful and want to stop. Until that happens, there is not much hope. Then, it takes a zero tolerance policy. If he slips up, no more internet connection. Or you move the computer to a more public area, or you put netnanny software on it, etc.
The other thing is your married relationship. If you obejctify sex it will be tough to overcome the porn addiction. Masturbation, toys in the bedroom, fantasizing about other people, or more people, are all things that will feed the addiction, and yes, they all must stop.
It sounds harsh, but it can be done. As far as the trust issue goes, once he faces it in himself and earnestly works to overcome the addiction, trust in that area should re-establish itself. No, you aren't blind to the signs, but overall the trust should be there.
2007-10-31 09:16:09 · answer #1 · answered by btpage0630 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-07-30 04:42:11 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have friends that are working on it. I'm sure it's hard. Some things one of them is doing is:
1. He has a support group of men to keep him accountable.
2. He doesn't get on the internet alone. His wife locks up the modem.
3. They got rid of the TV and VCR, because he would sneak videos. They do watch DVD's on the computer now, but they didn't for a long time.
I don't think he's overcome it, but works on it all the time. I don't know about the trust part. I have a feeling that there isn't a lot of trust in this area, but there is trust in other areas.
I think that praying for him is important too.
2007-10-31 09:09:29 · answer #3 · answered by MikeM 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know I'm not the answerer you're looking for here, but I just had to answer back some of the other answers. Yes it IS a sin when you watch porn.
"But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." Matthew 5:28
"Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids." Proverbs 6:25
"This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh." Galatians 5:16
"For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world." 1 John 2:16
"And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever." 1 John 2:17
You had a good question here, and I am sorry that it was twisted and ridiculed by ignorant people. I would suggest to all the other answerers here (who made fun of your ? or defended porn) examine what God says about it before saying it isn't a sin, and really, when you make "love" to your wife, are you thinking about her body, and loving her body, or are you thinking about that "cool" thing you saw in porn?
2007-10-31 09:11:17 · answer #4 · answered by Sarah 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
One book that I know Christian Married Men to read was Every Man's Battle, by Stephen Arterburn, Fred Stoeker, and Mike Yorkey
2007-10-31 09:05:10 · answer #5 · answered by dreamgyrl360 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a guy but your question was intriguing... especially the part about "regaining the trust with your wife?" My boyfriend has a Hustler collection to be envied. He has a collection of Greek and Italian porn from the 70's that is absolutely priceless! and he watches and reads porn every time he gets a chance, many times with me - whom he has threatened to get child-lock for. None of this has anything to do with trust, other than we trust each other with our innermost physical desires.
2007-10-31 09:04:56 · answer #6 · answered by Estrella E 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I am not married, but I listen to Dr. Laura and I heard of a caller whom was a Christian and was married, and had a porn addiction. After a few moments of speaking with the Dr. they came up with solution. He really wanted to change, so she told him to get two pictures. One of his family and or wife, and one of Jesus. and she told him to paste\tape them on the monitor he uses to look at porn. and everytime he felt like looking at porn he would have to do it with the photos in front of him.
I hope this helps. Dr. Laura is a good technician with relationships, if your having trouble I suggest her books and her radio show that plays 12pm noon pacific on am radio
2007-10-31 08:56:57 · answer #7 · answered by Ray E 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am still working on it. It's hard. I didn't mean to make it sound like that, but it did, and I'm leaving it there. There is no real trust loss with my wife, she helps me and I have to be honest with her and just work on it every day. You can't really ever totally stop the addiction, you have to work on it and be honest. Honesty is key. and also don't take it personal and get angry about it.
2007-10-31 09:11:10 · answer #8 · answered by PUMA 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am married to Christ, so I hope that that is enough to qualify me for your topic.
Pornography is the art of destruction that caters to those who have thier desires submitted to the flesh. As for me, I was addicted not too long ago, but broke away through the constant intercession of his saints.
They say that the best way to become or grow as a Christian is to confess. I believe that if you surround yourself with strong men and women who have or plan to be delivered, you will too. The important thing is to confess with them to God and leave the old things behind. Attend a regular meeting, and go without ceasing for deliverance.
Two, the neccessity is to have an intercessor. One who clearly has left there bodies behind to pray for you. The term laying on hands refers to spiritual replacement. For example, I know a man named Pastor Bogle, who prayed for me. Next, I also have a mother who has kept herself pure since I was born. Even with them, whenever I did feel temptation, I spoke the word of God and confessed deliverance.
It took me three years to recover due to a lack of confidence in myself, but I am stronger now. Praying without ceasing for you.
2007-10-31 09:08:38 · answer #9 · answered by GodCares 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay, All men like porn, Its a natural thing, and just because a man enjoys looking at porn does not mean his wife has reasons not to trust him, on that basis alone, I like porn from time to time and my partner knows its just that...no reason to worry because I will always be true.
2007-10-31 08:56:49 · answer #10 · answered by mskylers 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋