How do I say it....?

Question

My boyfriend and I have a problem. We take care of His dad who is bound to a wheel chair and can not leave on his own. Prior to the house they currently live in now. The lived in a house shared with his aunt and cousins who are into hardcore addictive drugs. They have stolen from my boyfriend and his dad (fatherinlaw) and tryed to cover there tracks.Becuz of that incident moved a far away distance so they couldnt follow. Recently his aunt has been trying to come around, slowly but surley i think trying to move in just like the first and bring her habits along with her. How do we say you can not come over anymore?? shes family, and my father in law doesnt see her with having a problem. Who knows what she is capable of when we are sleeping....(bills, account info.... money)..... Im worried.... Help

Answer 1

well u now have as much right to reject her.. and just so u know family isn't blood only but one who isnt selfish as to risk others life for their pleasure so cut her out asap

Answer 2

Before you do this, you need to explain what you are going to do and say, with both your boyfriend and his father. When you sit down with her and explain it to her, do it in person and most likely by yourself (so she won't feel ganged up on). You still need to explain that your boyfriend and his father share your feeling and are behind you on the decision. Tell her that you think that she has a problem and as much as you all care for her since she is family, you do not feel comfortable with her coming over or staying any longer. Explain to her, your reasons and try to be as rational and understanding as possible. If she reacts in a negative way, and feels that your views are wrong... then you will know that you made the right choice and will have to be more firm in enforcing it.

Answer 3

BE FIRM AND STAND YOUR GROUND.
Your own emotional strength is going to be your best friend in this situation.
It may seem hard to turn "part of the family" out of the house, but this aunt is not doing anything but harm to you, your boyfriend, and your father in law. Her friendliness is a ruse to get into your home, into your finances, and back into your lives. You have to talk to her, face to face, and tell her that she's not welcome anymore. Make her understand that none of you want anything to do with her, or her family until they clean up their act, and if she doesn't stop coming around, you can go as far as calling the police, especially if you know for sure that she is on drugs.

Answer 4

Sometime it's hard to do something like that to family but you really have to make a decision. I'm sure you love your boyfriend so my advice is that you both stand strong and let them know how you feel. There is no shame in telling his aunt that you won't tolerate behavior like that at all and that until she can be trusted you just don't want her around the house. As far as your father in law, you are the one caring for him so unfortunately his opinion doesn't count. Unless he's the one paying the bills.

Answer 5

O Geesh, I know how that is like. I have a "adoptive" mom with a tendency to become very Vengeful and sociopatheic when she is crossed (likes to eff with people But in The BIG time) Your problem doesnt sound as serious as mine, but I guess you never know , so My advice is to just tell her that you are "trying to stay clean " and say "I just kinda need my space right now" then just smile and say goodbye. If she keeps coming around , It is simple :just file for a restraining order Okay?? If you feel though that she is Dangerous and are afraid of going to the police [ like in my case] The best thing to do is to Def gather "evidence" and document things, Then go to see an Criminal Attorney first to seek advice. Then go speak with a detective.

Answer 6

First, Talk to your boyfreind and father in law and you 3 have to come to an agreement that you all dont want her to come over.

Once that has been established, then you can start by being organized with your paperwork such as letter, account info and other personal items and store them in safe places ( make it a habit to be organized)

If she calls you that she is coming over then tell her that no one will be home and that she will have to come some other time.

if she insists then you're going to have to tell her in her face that she's not allowed in the house no more due to her behavior and bad habits.

Best of Luck!

Answer 7

It's never easy when you have family you love that you don't necessarily like. Have a few of these in my family. An aunt in particular. Basically you need to be up front with her. Say you don't have room nor the means to have another person living with you guys. Tell her it's never going to happen, you're happy where you are now and you'd like it to stay that way. You may piss her off or even start a big fight, but it will blow over and that side of the family will get the hint that their not welcome and you're not a pushover. they need to keep their distance.

Answer 8

Let her know that you don't feel comfortable with her coming over unannouced and with her staying over night. Also let her know that you aren't comfortable at all w/ her kids coming over at all. I know it may be hard to do because I have been in similar situations before w/ a good friend/roommate that ended up not being who i thought she was at all and ended up moving out. You may want to call her on the phone or go to her house, if you are comfortable doing so, to explain this to her. She needs to understand that this is what you and your boyfriend want and that's the way it's going to be... If you think you have tried everything that you can w/out getting in trouble w/ the law see if you could get a restraining order against her and her kids.

Answer 9

You and your husband or boyfriend will need to sit down with your father-in-law and explain the situation to him fully. He may be sick, but he is still a full grown man with experinace and he knows his own sister. He may wish to turn a blind eye, but that will now affect more people than just him. If he were living alone then he could allow whomever he choose into the home. However, now that his son and you live with him, he must ensure the entire household is protected from those who would do harm, even if they are family.

Just because somebody is family does not mean you have to be around them or allow them to use and abuse you. You can love them from afar, but it is right and proper for you to protect yourselves.

Surely, your father-in-law understand a problem exists. As I said, he knows his sister and probably better than you two do. He may be in denial, but time for denial is over.

Just sit down with him and explain the situation and how bad it could be, and that just the constant worry will break you all down. I would also explain to him that while this isn't meant as a threat, but that you two must take care of yourselves, and if he allows his sister to come around you two will have to make the difficult choice of moving into your own place.

I know how difficult family situations can be, how sticky and hard. However, you have to protect yourselves and as best you can this ill man. He has to cooperate though, and if he doesn't' then you do have choices, difficult ones, but choices all the same. He also has choices and if he chooses to do things which put you all in danger, then he will have to live with the consequences of that decision.

You have a first responsibility to each other as a couple. That has to come first. If you don't take care of that relationship, where will you be?

Depending upon how ill your father-in-law is, and his age, you also have the resource of the Adult Protective Services department to receive aid. You can elert them to the problem and they can then help you in many ways. They can even help talk to your father-in-law and discuss how unsafe this would be for all of you, and they can stop her from doing too much damage. Sometimes, just the knowledge help is there, somebody who is not a party to the issue, can stop people from actions they would otherwise engage in.

I had a simular situation with my adult disabled step daughter and her biological mother. I had to call Adult Protective Services and they got her to back off by threatening a restraining order. It was hard, but the right thing to do as she wanted to steal all of her daughters money and make her a slave taking care of her own mother, instead of the mother taking care of her. It is just wrong, but doing the right things can sometimes be far more difficult than doing the wrong things.

I wish you all the success in fighting off this women and the others. They WILL take you all for everything they can if you let them, because drug addicts only think of the drugs and not of what is right, moral and of integrity.

My best wishes and try not to worry too much. There are options, but they just are difficult ones. This will help you grow stronger in the long run too. Each time you do the right thing, as tough as it may be, you grow a great deal.

Answer 10

Tell her straight up u have to much to worry about to deal with other pplz problems u moved away for a reason ppl who have being addicted 2 drugs 4 years never leave their addictions..move on with ur life && take care of what is close to u...

Answer 11

Tell her that if she doesn't listen to you two when you tell her she can't come over you will have the police tell her. Judging from her habits, the police are the last people she would want to deal with. Or just call HER local police dept. and put in a complaint about loud noise and you know that there is drug use. Tell them that there are kids in that neighborhood and you fear the children may be in danger. Then the police should check them out and find their drug problem, the will be put in jail, and his family will never have to know who turned them in, and they won't be around for awhile. Problem solved.