I found my partner dead just over 3 years ago and due to the trauma of it I am suffering with PTSD. I have not been able to grieve properly and am still struggling. I tried to say goodbye and rest in peace on Sunday (3rd anniversary), but parts of me wont let him go.
I need him now more than ever. I feel so alone and in so much pain. I am having to deal with a childhood trauma which I had forgotten about until earlier this year and I really could have done with him here to hold me and love me. Everday is a battle just to get up. I need to cry and scream yet I can't seem to let it all out.
I have a great family and I am receiving special counselling for PTSD. I am on medication, which I think is going to be changed on monday as it is not working.
Sorry just wondered if anyone out there has or is going through something similar and could give me some kind words and some hope.
Thanks :-)))
2007-10-31 07:35:46 · 10 answers · asked by Teejay 6 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Firstly, it might help to know that PTSD is a HEALTHY reaction to intolerable stress. You have had a really awful experience, and it will take time to work through it: but you will work through it eventually and come to a better and less painful way of life.
I am so sorry you are having to work through all this. Are there any forums or helplines where you could talk to someone a bit more interactively than on here? (I have found a good depression one on Ebay forums - UK - of all places!)
I worked in the counselling field for a long time, and I know that things are especially bad around anniversary times. Are you getting any talking therapy type help for your childhood trauma, or are people just concentrating on your more recent experience of trauma? Make sure people know that this is coming up as an issue for you at the moment.
My thoughts are with you: life is hard but there are precious moments to come for you in your life - things WILL get better.
2007-10-31 07:46:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Grief has no time limit and PTSS is a symptom of your loss as you know. I am sure you have had much advice and you feel that no one understands what you are going through and the pain it is causing you. Contrary to what you have written, you never have to say good bye. As a matter of fact, that is not what you want to do. You don't want to let go and forget his love for you. What you want to do is learn to accept that though he is physically gone, he will always through your memories and love be a part of you. You want to be able to learn to live again without feeling so alone and lost. That is difficult when your life has been so entwined with someone. It is especially difficult if you have had other abandonment or rejection issues in your past. What happens is that when we have a new loss, older losses rear up and combine with the new one and make us feel even worse. They can feel like they are happening now all over again. Especiallly if we never fully dealt with them or in the case of childhood traumas even remembered them. What can you do about it? It is like a gate that was opened that you want to run away from. Finding a counselor that you can trust and that you feel comfortable with can be a first step. When you feel overwhelmed, you can always call a crisis line. They are anonymous and WILL LISTEN. Some churches have counseling and some pastors are also trained therapists if you cannot afford a psychologist, etc. The thing is you must reach out for help. That can be scary but can be the best thing you can do for your recovery. Another help is to be active especially when you don't want to. Serotonin is a natural chemical in the brain to help make us feel good. Even taking a brisk walk can help release this chemical. If you don't want to walk outside (I personally hate it!) go to the Mall or shopping area and walk around. Get out of the house.
The good think about PTSS is that it is situational and not chronic if you work at it. And sometimes, time will help the situation in its own natural grieving process and you will never forget but will get your life back. God bless you.
2007-10-31 19:42:03 · answer #2 · answered by tigerlily 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am a sufferer of PTSD. My answer is going to sound a little cruel, thought I would warn you in advance. You have started in the right direction with counseling and medication. What you need is to finally realize that your partner is never coming back. Think only of the good times you had. What made you laugh. What made you happy. Concentrate on anything but the sad parts of your relationship. And never ever celebrate that death again. It was not your fault. You could not have prevented it. Don't go around with a chip on your shoulder saying "Why me?, What did I do wrong?, If only I could have?, Why couldn't I have seen?, and Where is the meaning of this?". I would go out. Someone new will appear in your life. That person will not fit any of your preconceived notions of what you expect in a partner. But from the moment you see that person, you will know. Someone is out there for you, you will meet that person before you know it. There is an old song with the line "Pick yourself up and start all over again."
Best of luck with your PTSD, finding happiness, and finding a new partner. WJB
2007-10-31 14:47:30 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
OMG!! I'm soo sorry about your loss!! I still have my partner but he's not well !! I have lost so many people I care about!! First my brother who was a big strong fireman he died of a heart attack!! Than my Dad who died coming back from Hawaii on a cruise ship my Mom was devastated !! She started suffering from major stokes!! In the end she didn't know who I was!! I cared for her for years it was one of the hardest things in the world to go through!!!! I miss them everyday holidays are the worst they should be here but I know that I will never see them again. I keep telling myself that they are in a better place and they wouldn't want me to feel this way but I just can't help it!! I don't think you ever really get over it. I feel like screaming sometimes and I have anger problems it just happened sooo fast!! Let me tell you this your not alone there are other people out there that feel your pain. Honour his memory by remembering him and the good times you had together. I think about that and I'm better off for knowing them!! I wouldn't want to have never had them in my life!! I took meds for awhile they didn't really work for me either. I get up in the morning and do the best I can with what I've got!! I didn't cry for a very long time but you will when you least expect it !! I cried so hard I couldn't breath!! It just hit me one day out of the blue. I feel your pain and this is something you will have to work out on your own. Let yourself feel the pain holding it in will make you sick. Be Well I wish you all the luck in the world!!!!
2007-10-31 15:09:10 · answer #4 · answered by Polar Molar 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I haven't gone through it, and I can;t imagine how you must feel.
it must be terrible to lose someone so close to you.
I think you can never truly let go, and shouldn't, but you have to try and move on.
I think something that would really help is to have someone you really trust and love (family friends) and just let it all out, scream, yell, cry you'll feel better.
it may be hard to start, but maybe it's because you're afraid that you can't stop, but still I think you have to try, it's not healthy to keep it inside.
also maybe you'd feel better if you have some kind of..ritual, like burn a little candle every night in honor of your loved one, and you could slowly take it to every two nights till one time a week. That way you could slowly learn to move on, but never have the idea that you'll forget him.
or something similar to that.
I wish you well :)
2007-10-31 14:44:56 · answer #5 · answered by Lord_Kiwi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My sincerest condolences for your loss and continuing struggle.
When we think of those who have left us, it's important to remember that the spirits of those we love never really leave... The memories, the thoughts and the feelings of those people never, ever go away. So it would be impossible to forget about the loss of your loved one. My best advice would be to think about your partner and how they would rationalize the situation themselves; how they would console you and give you a big hug to make you feel better.
"Talk" with your late partner about what you're feeling... The reply may not come in audible words, but you can certainly surmise what they would say to you.
The spirit of your loved one is still around, all the time, and that love will never go away. They've simply parted with us physically in a way that no one on earth can fully explain.
And hug people. Lots. And exercise, eat, and sleep.
2007-10-31 15:05:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to hear your story. Just remember that it probably won't be the first treatment/medication you try that works for you, please don't give up!
When that does kick in and makes you feel a little better, I am sure the grieving and healing process will begin.
I watched a friend go through a similar situation, husband dropped dead infront of her, 8 years on and she has rebuilt her life, and raised their kids up to be wonderful people.
2007-10-31 14:41:21 · answer #7 · answered by H1976 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I went through something similar but I found breaking myself up was not the right way to grieve.
You will probably find through time help only comes from you.
You are the best healer, believe me.
2007-10-31 15:03:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
They have gone from you just leave them and try to do some thing to make you happy try to go with your family to some where for holidays and try to be happy in all your life
2007-10-31 14:45:15 · answer #9 · answered by Mirwais 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you /are on/ the right track/great family/counseling/it will /take time/GOD BLESS/just /hang in there
2007-10-31 15:09:17 · answer #10 · answered by hotdogsarefree 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋