we were together 13 years, he had affair left year ago, and lives with her. I have cried every day since. I miss him so. despite the pain he caused me. We have kept in contact he knows where I live. It upset me so much that I told him I have moved (I havent) but we still text and phone sometimes. I have been rude to him about her - ignored his messages for days - told him to leave me alone, but he persists and then I end up answering the texts or phone calls. (yes I know Im weak etc etc) He knows this upsets me, and makes me cry, but he says he hates not talking to me for a couple of days, but even he needs to know im still there and ok and that the fact that we are still in contact trying to be friends means something ? He doesnt want us to be back together but he needs me as a friend. Why ? after my insults does he carry on texting me? You are probably thinking control, but why he left me...... My friends cant fathom him out......
2007-10-31 06:06:34 · 18 answers · asked by kitten 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
you have no reason whatsoever to talk to this man so dont, he is a liar, and can still manipulate your feelings even if your not together, so stay away, completely, you already know that he quite happily slept with someone behind your back and you can stll hold a conversation with him, are you mad??????
2007-10-31 06:17:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends on if you were married or dating for 13 years. If you were only dating, seriously, move on...you probably should have done so 10 years ago. He clearly wasn't interested enough in you to commit. If you were married, you need to finalize a divorce and let some time go by (several months) with no contact before you can establish a friendship (unless there are kids involved...a little more complicated).
If you were dating, and he wants to get back together, forget it. You can be friends, but you need a clean break from this guy (months), be your own person, and find someone who can decide how they feel about you in less than 13 years. We'll see how much he wants to be your friend when you're sharing stories or asking him advice about the new guy you're with.
If you were married, and he wants to get back together, he needs to move out of his current situation and you need marriage counseling before recommitting.
Unfortunately for him, when you're with someone for 13 years and end it, especially in such a disrespectful way (affair), you kind of lose the right to keep that person as a friend. And when you're on the receiving end of it, you need to sever all contact so you can figure out who you really are and who you're really interested in having a relationship with.
This guy is selfish and disrespectful, and it's time you stop crying, be strong, and find a better fit.
2007-10-31 13:29:49 · answer #2 · answered by Big Red Ten 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me that he wants greener pastures or to go off and find something new, but then again he doesn't want to lose his past lifestyle. Basically he likes to go out and meet new people, but the night or two a week where he eats alone, he probably gets depressed and reaches out to a comfort zone, meaning you. Even if you end up the whole time arguing, he has the contact he needed and moves on until he needs it again.
He is basically using you to fill a void, but does not reciprocate with any needs that you have. The best thing to do is to avoid him at all costs. Sooner than later he will reach out to someone else, and you can finally move on. Maybe to help move on, go out a night or two this week and try to meet someone new. Besides, if you start to act like nothing is wrong, soon you will feel nothing is wrong. And if you need some company, you should just go out with me.
2007-10-31 13:16:27 · answer #3 · answered by Matt 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to take control. Why do you allow yourself to be treated like this? If he's left you and he knows how unhappy it has made you he should have the grace to leave you in peace to get over him. Change your mobile no, and CUT HIM OUT OF YOUR LIFE. You won't feel better until you move on, and maybe that means literally out of the area if that's what it takes. He is playing you for a fool, and it's very cruel. Stop it now.
2007-10-31 16:21:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Send yourself flowers!!! Leave mens shoes on the door step
If he rings late at night tell him its a really bad time and whisper if you know what I mean.
While he is on the phone say oh call waiting I have been waiting on a friend, we are making plans for this evening bye. Then hang up
and do not answer for a couple of days.
Sounds like he misses you. Might not mean anything, but if he does want you back, platy it very slowly, make out the decision is very difficult, make him beg!!!!!
2007-10-31 13:16:25 · answer #5 · answered by tantalite 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He knows you are still in love with him and until you stop this he still has you. He also isnt letting you get over him, by staying in touch he wants to keep you there. Maybe in case something goes wrong with his latest bit.
You have to tell him to stop this and try to move on. The man is a rat and you deserve better. The only way for you to move on is to make him stop contacting you so regularly.
2007-10-31 13:13:14 · answer #6 · answered by Ylang-Ylang 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok, this sounds like the situation i'm currently in. my girlfriend and i have a bunch of stuff going on and she says she doesn't want to date right now (hence, your guy is with someone else.) BUT, she still wants to text/talk everyday (hence, your situation.) i think the reason in both cases, is that our significant others, are trying to reach new boundaries, by "moving on" in a sense. in our cases, they want to be with other people, but still have you in the palm of their hands. for me, i can't stand that, but its a harsh reality. its obvious he's cheated on you before and in a sense, he's doing that right now by texting you everyday when he's with someone else.
what you need to do, is lay it down on the line. tell him that you can't be friends and buddies like he wants. its not always what they want. he's with someone else, great! fine! but this is about you. you need to set him straight and make it clear that he can't have it both ways. he needs to pick a side. if that means not texting or talking to you anymore, then so be it. the way it sounds, his calls/texts are what are causing you to remember him even more, resulting in your tears shed. talk to him on a more serious note, (not texting). i know this was a harsh reality i had to face, but it was all better in the end. i really hope things work out for the best.
2007-10-31 13:16:30 · answer #7 · answered by † ¯|¯igerz ßlood † 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's trying to have his cake and eat it too, and you're letting him. If you want to get over this guy (which you really need to do) you need to cut contact. Tell him firmly to stop contacting you. If he wanted you in his life, he should have thought of that before he left and broke your heart.
2007-10-31 13:11:11 · answer #8 · answered by Reptilia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hes wack! you got to end everything. its distroying your life.
tell him to never ever contact you again, change your number if you have too! im sorry it makes you cry, but its only because he keeps contacting you and you keep letting him back in. if he was out of your life, you may have met someone new by now and moved on, hes holding you back. cut that string. you deserve more.
2007-10-31 13:16:03 · answer #9 · answered by lbrady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he prob still cares for you but doesnt love you, thats why, i would tell him ur moving on with your life, hes trying to have the best of both here, if it carries on u are going to be wanting him more and more and will neva get over him, tell him to leave you alone.
2007-10-31 13:16:45 · answer #10 · answered by sharon jay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋