We have been dating over 4 years and he proposed about 3 months ago. I fell in love with a venue and want to book an available date towards the end of the summer before someone else takes it. The only thing is that my Fiance won't give me an answer and dances around the subject.....what do I do?
2007-10-31 05:56:41 · 17 answers · asked by ID1034 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
talk to him. tell him whats on your mind
2007-10-31 06:02:10 · answer #1 · answered by TTC 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
First of all, nowhere in the question does she indicate that she pressured this fellow into proposing. So...let's not assume that he proposed just to placate her. That's an unfair and very sexist supposition to make.
The only way to know what's going on with him is to sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk. An engagment, by definition, is a commitment to get married at a definitely place and time - not a nebulous agreement to think about getting married sometime, somewhere, if you still feel like it. If he's not willing to start discussing the details, he should at least tell you why. He could have plenty of reasons, but he needs to share those with you.
Because the two of you made an agreement to get married, you're not being pushy if you start talking to him about the details. If he doesn't give you a straight answer, you should politely and gently ask him whether he really does want to get married. Take it from there.
2007-10-31 13:46:57 · answer #2 · answered by SE 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
At the risk of being glib, after 4 years he should know if he wants to marry you (rather than having given you the ring to "placate you" like someone else said).
That is assuming you are both adults and able to provide for yourselves.
So at this point, I'd pick three dates and just ask which one he prefers. "I don't know" is not an answer. So pick the summer date you would like, pick one in late fall or winter, in case that's too soon... and pick one for the following summer just in case he just isn't ready to jump right in to planning.
If the furthest date is not good enough, then you have other issues and may need to consider if it's time to move on from a relationship that is going nowhere fast.
I had two relationships that were nearly 5 years long. Both involved an engagement ring with no plan to set a date.
When my now hubby proposed, we had a date set within two months and were married less than a year after he proposed.
2007-10-31 13:24:50 · answer #3 · answered by Proud Momma 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he still needs some time to get used to that fact that he is getting married. If you want a specific venue though, the earlier you can book it, the better.
This is something that you need to talk to your fiance about. See if you can talk to him about why he will not set a date. Try not to push, but let him know that there are a lot of things that you need to get ready, so if you two can sit down and narrow down some dates, it would really help. Best of luck!
2007-10-31 13:42:12 · answer #4 · answered by vaya 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Me and my fiancee haven't technically set a date either. We were dating for 4 yrs when we got engaged in 2005. We had plans but life got in the way (my brother died, we droped out of school and started new ones where our families live). So now he wants to wait until he graduates from this school which is another 2 years so the wedding will be in 2010. It was hard at first but hey if you love him, truely love him you can wait. We do talk about the wedding plans and what we are doing (such as what bank to use, house plans, kids, etc) for after we get married so I am not worried, never have been but I just wanted an actual date.
I would reassure him that you are willing to have a long engagement if that is what he wants (if you also agree to it). Then maybe ask simple questions to get an idea of what he might like. such as: buffet or sit down dinner, who his groomsmen would be, etc.
2007-11-01 16:08:08 · answer #5 · answered by rate86 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tell him to stop dancing around the subject.
Ask him why he doesn't want to set a date.
My fiance and I dated for four years before he proposed, and we had a timeframe set a few weeks later. The actual date did change to the day before the date we chose.
2007-11-01 01:36:48 · answer #6 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i assume you mean 2008, just tell him you booked the venue for that date. tell him in a way that assumes to him that this is wonderful news. then see if he still dances, if you present the date to him as a done deal, some guys go along, they dont want to make the decision. thats all. try it. just say, honey, i am so excited , mom and i went and booked that date in august at the country club, this is such good news and so lucky for us that we got that date for our reception because its almost impossible to get a good date there, isnt that great news? so, we are set to get married august --- 2008, honey!!! and see what he says. if he does not say, oh, ok, then write again.
2007-10-31 14:32:59 · answer #7 · answered by jaded 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sit down with him and tell him that you want to set a date. Have a list of dates that you'd consider acceptable, and discuss each one. If he doesn't want to marry in the summer, suggest a winter date. If he doesn't like getting married on a Saturday, tell him Sunday would be fine, and so on. If he doesn't like your ideas, ask HIM to give you a date, then discuss his suggestion.
2007-10-31 13:06:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should ask him if he really wants to get married. He may think he does, but not for a long time, where you have the opinion that it will be soon. Some guys just propose to keep the girl, and they intend on being engaged for a long period of time, to placate her. I would ask your fiance some serious questions about your relationship.
2007-10-31 13:03:32 · answer #9 · answered by teddy 4 · 7⤊ 0⤋
My mom used to say that a woman wasn't officially engaged until she had a ring and a date. Now that I'm older, I totally agree with her. Too many girls find themselves in situations such as yours, where a guy may have gotten 'engaged' just to keep a girl quiet and stop nagging.
If he's dancing, and you don't want to follow his lead... time for you to do something. If he won't commit to a date, then he's just not ready. Or willing.
2007-11-01 08:16:56 · answer #10 · answered by Lydia 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It kind of sounds like he likes things the way they are and is afraid of making the change. Ask him if he is serious about making this commitment and tell him he should have some part of this whole step. Don't create an argument, have all the information ready show it to him, and ask his advise.
2007-10-31 13:09:11 · answer #11 · answered by splash 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋