He's been working full time for almost a year now. Mainly we didn't collect rent from him so he could save money. We just found out he hasn't saved much at all. Now he has taken off at least 3 days off from work over the past two weeks due to going to rock concerts. He's buying concert tickets, new amp for his guitar, concert sweashirts, tees, train tickets, etc, We informed him as of Jan 1 he will have to pay us some rent. Also, he's been planning social events on the work week nights and I can't sleep properly if he isn't home and have two other kids that must get up very early for school. Is this fair to the rest of the family? Please give me your thoughts on this. Thanks.
2007-10-31 04:17:03 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
If hes living under your roof tell him that there are certain rules that he needs to follow and if he cant follow those rules than you think its time for him to move out.
2007-10-31 04:21:38 · answer #1 · answered by Whit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem to have a plan worked out and he is your son so I have faith that you know how best to handle the situation. He is an adult now as much as it is easy to consider him a child. Just make sure if you tell him something that you follow through with what you say because he will learn to take everything you say seriously. You have told him that you are going to start charging him rent in January so I would follow through with that.
I would also recommend having him sign a contract stating the rules he must abide by in order to live there. All renters have to do this. He is twenty so he does need some freedom. You need to set some rules that he is not permitted to break like no late night parties, etc. that are in the best interest of the rest of your family and the neighborhood. It is your property and even if you were a neighbor you have the right to enjoy some quiet at night to sleep. You should treat him as a responsible adult and as a responsible adult he should be able to respect the rules that you set down for the property itself or he does not deserve to live on that property.
After you set guidelines and rules, if he does plan social events that interfere with the family functioning, I would put a stop to them as soon as they interfere and make it known to everyone at the party that it is not acceptable. Chances are it won't get this far but if this does not work and you have a contract then the contract is void and he needs to move out of the place he is living and find his own place. This is not something that is easy to do and no parent likes to do it but sometimes it is necessary. You can set the time limit. You are not being mean by setting rules because he needs to learn that he has to live by rules in society. I hope I have helped you some.
2007-10-31 11:49:32 · answer #2 · answered by Jessica G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really don't expect that a kid in his teens is going to save money, do you? Especially when he lives with his parents, and is provided everything, doesn't pay rent, etc.
I think that, if you want him to pay rent and be more responsible with his funds, then charge rent. You can choose to save it for him for later, or spend it any way you wish. Your son is coming of age where he will have to take care of himself, and charging him rent is a good way to let him see what it's like to have financial obligations and responsibility.
It's your home, and if you don't want him coming in at all hourse of the night, waking up the other kids, you probably need to set rules.... maybe, he can stay at a friend's home on the nights there are concerts?
There's no reason not to sleep properly when your son isn't home.. He's an adult and will look out for himself... You are worrying and anxious when there is nothing to worry about....
take care.
2007-10-31 11:30:22 · answer #3 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At 20 years old and a full time job, your son should be out on his own living independently and not relying on you financially at all. The fact that you are helping him out is great and very sweet on your part. He needs to be appropriately grateful instead of just taking your generosity for granted. I'd take him around to look at apartments so he could get an idea of exactly how much they cost! Then, I'd type up a list of general expenses he'd have for one month so he can see it all on paper. I think once he sees how much you're allowing him to save by 1) not charging him for food, and 2) letting him live rent free.....then perhaps he will be more grateful and listen to any rules you decide to set forth. This is YOUR house. There's nothing wrong with raising your kids to understand that what you have, you EARNED....and that what you have is not automatically THEIRS. If they want a nice, comfy place to live, then they can earn it. Otherwise, they should consider themselves guests who should behave likewise.
2007-10-31 11:23:07 · answer #4 · answered by bestadvicechick 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As long as he lives in your house, he follows your rules which include a curfew etc.., I think he should pay rent as it teaches him responsibility. Nothing in life is free. If he doesn't like the rules or won't follow the rules, then give him 30 days to find some place else to go.
It sounds a little harsh but it really is the only way.
2007-10-31 15:45:03 · answer #5 · answered by wondermom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is 20 and has a full time job - don't charge him rent - give him 2 months notice and tell him to find his own place!
I wouldn't put up with that- I know how much you worry until all kids are back in the house at night... tell him to move out!!
2007-10-31 11:23:17 · answer #6 · answered by Me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My 21 year old step son moved back in 8 months ago. We haven't charged him any rent so he could save to get his own place. He hasn't saved a dime. Yesterday we gave him notice that he has 2 months to get his own place. We came to the decision that we are not helping him only enabling him to freeload. Tough love. Time to put your foot down and make him take responsibility for himself.
2007-10-31 11:30:08 · answer #7 · answered by shellshell 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i could understand if he was going to school. Like I just graduated from the fire academy and i am attending college for emt/paramedics and i have to live with my mom until im done. im 21 and i don't have a choice.
Now your son just sounds kind of lazy. If he has a regular full time job and 20, he needs to start living on his own. Its sounds like time for tough love.
2007-10-31 11:21:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it's not fair. He seems very irresponsible to me. In love, sit down with him and explain to your son what you've told us, that his behavior is disruptive to the family. He should be giving you some money on a regular basis to help with expenses, but that will only solve one of the problems. Sometimes we have to use "tough love" with our children, and when they are your son's age, still living at home, and are not showing any respect, it's time to be truthful with them, and sometimes the truth hurts!
2007-10-31 11:33:09 · answer #9 · answered by Virginia B (John 16:33) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its oks not to have charged rent in the beginning...but now its time...there is a positive way to ask ...ask for rent money to help out on utilities like for example the light ..he'll conserve trust me....he needs to be shown responsiblity now that he's young...make sure and tell him that if he were to live on his own give him figures on how much it would cost him ....tell him that you are proud that he is even working ...I truly believe that we should be thankful for what we have ...there are parents that would kill to be in your shoes right now..good luck
2007-10-31 11:29:13 · answer #10 · answered by melisha s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋