Is their anyone else out there?Only serious answers please.?

Question

Hi I am 30 yrs old and have been married for going on 13 yrs been together 15 and have two girls. I have often been referred as the rock of the family. I truly believe that what dosent kill you makes you stronger. I am stronge for my family, but I have a secret and cant afford to get help. So I thought I would write about it maybe make a book as an outlet. I was sexually molested from the age of 7 to 12 yrs old, by 10 different people, and I have a mother that I couldn't count on and knew it from a very young age, so I kept that with me for a very long time. I recently told her of a few and like I thought back then I shouldnt have, she dosent believe me. She went back and told the whole family about it. I care but dont at the same time. We were never liked by anyone in our family growing up so thats kind of why I dont care. It hurts that my own mother dosent believe me and has humiliated me. I was just wondering if anyone has gone threw this, by multi people? Am I alone? Why me?

Yes most of it was done by family members and I too didnt want to start a family feud. Of course their spouces think I'm lying. My husband does know about it and has been always completely understanding and loving. It was so horrible at the beggining of our marriage I couldn't even take a shower without making sure all of the holes in the walls and door and sink drain were coverd, I always thought someone was watching me. My girls will never know my side of the family and it really sickens me.

Answer 1

You aren't alone, I know that. Although I can't remember anything like that happening to me, I often wonder if it did. (I can't remember anything before the age of 10.) I feel so horrible for you, first for being put through that crap, then for not having had anyone to count on for help or support. I do not know and can not imaginge how you feel or what you are going through.

Honey, you said you've been with your spouce 15 years. I seriously doubt if you could find the courage to share this horrid experience, it would cause bad feeling between you. You don't need to keep this hidden any more. The only way you can start to heal is to be honest with your spouce and bask in the comfort and love you find in those arms and loving embraces. You need to find a way for this pain to be healed. Writing your book would be a help. Notonly will it get what happened out, you will be able to provide insight to what it's really like for a child going through this abuse and can tell better what to look out for or pay extra attention to. But on top of writing your book, talk with your spouce often, and prehaps you as an individual and the two of you as a couple could go to some therapy or counseling to help you let go of the pain. The memory will never diasppear, but with some talking, and help the pain will ease.

I am so sorry you went though something like this. I am sorry sorry this has caused an unloved shadow in your life. You need lots of support right now. Seek it anywhere you can. And since your mother doesn't believe you about this, it may be hard, but write what she thinks off. Push it away and remind yourself that she was never reliable. I am so terribly sorry. I wish I could offer you more than these words, but I also know than with certain pain, people can't "talk" it away. I truelly believe though you can and will be able to if you just let it out.

God bless you and rest your mind that you have LOTS of prayers going up for you!

Answer 2

Your not alone, I'm also 30 and was touched as I put it when I was the age of 8 till about the age of 12 by several different people. I never told anyone and sometimes I feel like I should of and other times I don't. It was within my own family and I didn't want to create a problem or family feud. I have gotten therapy for the last 3 years. However, I can't seem to commit or have a good relationship b/c of this. So your not alone and I feel you when you said you shouldn't of said anything. Try and get help for yourself. I for many years just blocked it out and have the strongest exterior you can possibly have as a woman. But your right what doesn't kill you will make you stronger and I am strong. Just do what is best for you and your family forget your mom she obviously doesn't know what it is to be molested.

Answer 3

No, you're definitely not alone. It's not unusual for a parent to be in denial about sexual abuse to their child. In some ways the parent doesn't want to believe the child because the parent thinks if it really did happen they should have been able to prevent it and that reflects on them as a parent. There is no way to know exactly what your mother is thinking.

The point is, this is something that happened to you in the past. Yes, it was traumatic and yes, it should not have happened. But you can't change the past. You can do some research to see about a statute of limitations on legal procedings against any of these people if they are still around. You may want to make an appointment for a free consult with a lawyer to see what your options are. If finances are an issue, check into services provided by the Legal Aid Society.

Have you been able to talk to your husband about any of this? If you feel he would be supportive it may help to talk about it. Writing is always a good option for getting things out. I have used writing as a substitute for therapy for many years. Whether or not you make it into a book is up to you. What you do with the feelings you have about the events in the past is the most important thing.

I agree with the saying "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". I've found a great deal of strength in myself over the years because I refused to die from life circumstances. So congratulations on finding your strength. But you still have emotions you need to deal with. Instead of asking "why me?", ask "what action can I take to move forward?" Writing about what happened is a good start. It will help you get your emotions out and see them on paper. If it comes to taking any of these people to court, your writings on the events could be used as evidence. Take care of you and continue to be strong.

Answer 4

Unfortunately, many many people have gone through this too. I am so sorry that your mother doesn't believe you. I think it takes a great deal of courage to face what has happened in your past. There are community action groups and support groups for people who have been victims of sexual abuse. They are generally free. Call your local medical clinic or emergency room, they will give you phone numbers. You need the support of people who will not doubt you.
It's possible that the reason your mother is reacting the way she is because she is mad at herself and ashamed that this happened to you and she didn't protect your from it. It's easier for her to pretend it didn't happen than to admit that in some ways she failed you.
You'll get past this. I know you can.

Answer 5

No, you're not alone. I was molested by my father when I was a teenager. I told my mother about it and she didn't believe me. She left my father for another man and took us 4 kids with her. My mother and I never got along after that, and when I came home from school one afternoon my clothes were sitting in a box on the steps and the door was locked. I spent my senior year living in an attic, going to school part-time and working part-time to support myself. For over 40 years my mother and I rarely spoke, and when we did the incident with my father was never mentioned. Two weeks before she died, she called and asked me to forgive her which I did. God bless you, and may the Lord bring you peace in this situation and reconcile your relationship with your mother!!!

Answer 6

You're still hurt obviously - you need your new family for support, obviously your mother is in denial and does not care for your feelings and well being. Get the support from your girls and husband and by a professional also. You need to talk about in order to accept it and move on. Good luck sweetie!

Answer 7

Grandma here...... Yes. Same thing happened to me.( two people). I was very hurt when I wasn't believed. I did go to counseling as an adult, and it was the best thing I ever did. I wrote it out too. It was very helpful.

Answer 8

You aren't alone and you are still hurting. You need some serious counseling right now!! And if your marriage is as strong as it sounds you need to share this with your spouse. Go get help! You are not alone!