She uses me, and if i don't do it im a bad dad and she will hate me.
2007-10-31 03:28:22 · 44 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Time to be a father and not a friend.
2007-10-31 03:31:05 · answer #1 · answered by leaptad 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Whoa, you seem to have a Bad Dad issue going on... Is she bullying you?
I can't advise you on how to be a good Dad, 'cos I'm a lady! I can, however, give you my take on what you've said.
Parties and alcohol at 15 years of age is fine. In your house. Elsewhere, I'd be a bit worried because I wouldn't know about what anyone else is drinking/taking.
However, 15 years old is that awkward age where they feel like adults and you still see them as children.
Sometimes, it can help them to let them make mistakes and learn from them. You still have responsibility for your daughter, though.
When I was 15, I'd go to parties and drink alcohol. My dad wouldn't buy it for me though! It would be whatever was in the house/place at the time. Or, we'd get the older brother or sister to get it!
I suppose that at least if you're buying the booze, you have control over the volume...
What concerns me most is your comment about your daughter hating you if you don't do what she wants. Who's the boss here?
It sounds like you are trying to be a bit of a trophy dad which won't help either of you at the end of the day.
You need to address the balance of your relationship with your daughter. You need to respect her as she grows up, but she should have respect for you as a father.
Giving in to her demands is fine for sometimes, but if you let her walk all over you then you're in trouble, my friend!
Basic answer to your question - buy your daughter some booze to take to her party, but take it out of her pocket money/allowance.
Make her understand that if she wants to behave like an adult, she shall be treated like an adult and nothing comes for free!
Good luck!
2007-10-31 04:20:16 · answer #2 · answered by Zoe S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess the concensus on these boards is pretty clear. As the daughter of an alcoholic and also as someone that has counseled alcoholics I would say no way. Also, I now work in a juvenile detention center and see the effects of absent or bad parenting on a daily basis when I look into these kids eyes. THEY NEED boundaries. They NEED advice. They NEED direction. They NEED rules. They DO NOT NEED alcohol at 15 years old. Honestly, the fact that she even came to you and felt like she could ask is beyond me. She is at the age right now where she can go the "right" way or the "wrong" way...help her choose the right way, don't be responsible for her going the wrong way.
2007-10-31 03:40:21 · answer #3 · answered by laura1977 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If your daughter hates you just because you're not purchasing alcohol for her, let her hate you! First of all, you shouldn't let ANYONE-not even your daughter use you like that! What kind of an example are you showing your daughter by allowing her to use you so you can purchase alcohol for her and she would go to another party somewhere else? You need to put your foot down and set some rules for her and if she doesn't follow them, there will be consequences! No, you won't be a bad father if you don't purchase alcohol for her, but you will be a bad father when you allow her to use you to her advantage and she has no right to do that!
2007-10-31 04:02:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm hearing the sounds of a whip cracking against your from your 15 year old daughter. Stop thinking about what is cool right now and start thinking about what best for her today and five years down the road. Grow a set, man. Be a dad.
You're a bad dad if you do it.
2007-10-31 03:56:42 · answer #5 · answered by JB 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's illegal to but any 15 year old alcohol , and if she is having a party you will be buying it not only for her but some other under age friends
You must not buy the love of your children like this in the long run you will just store up problems.
I see no problem in allowing her the odd glass of wine at home whilst you are present , but you must not get involved in buying alcohol and then leaving them to it !! a recipe for disaster!!
2007-10-31 06:03:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you do buy it for her you are being a bad father!
As her father it is your responsibility to take care of her and teach her wrong from right, teach her why drinking at her age is not acceptable behaviour and the terrible things that can happen if she does drink.
All children (well most) are going to get drunk, I think the best thing for you to do is to teach her why alcohol is not a good thing to be doing at her age and the results of alcohol abuse, this way, she will know the reasons you will not buy it for her and in time she will thank you for it.
If in 10 yrs time she is suffering from alcoholism and diagnosed with kidney faliure, would you blame yourself if you did buy her alcohol now?
Would it not be better to look back knowing you have done the right thing and been a responsible parent?
2007-10-31 03:46:37 · answer #7 · answered by filthygorgeousamanda 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you buy your underage child alcohol you are breaking the law. Period. If she gets caught by police and they discover that you supplied her the alcohol you will be arrested.
Be a father, not a friend. Tell her NO. She may be angry and say hurtful things, but in the long run, she'll figure out that you are doing it for her own good.
Not to mention that if you supply her alcohol then send her off on her merry way, you are just asking for her to be in a dangerous situation.
My parents NEVER bought me alcohol. However, if I wanted a glass of wine with dinner, at home, that was allowed. I was just not allowed to drive anywhere afterwards. It taught me a lot about responsible drinking.
2007-10-31 03:33:56 · answer #8 · answered by Lucky 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What the heck? She is using you! Why are you doing that?! Not only is it illegal, it's bad for her health! So what if she hates you?! In the end you're doing the right thing! Look, a good dad is somebody who knows what's right and enforces it to help their children live long enough to have a happy, fulfilling life. You can't treat her like a princess. You're spoiling her, and in the end she'll regret ever using you. Take control! She may hate you at the moment, but do it to save her life. Sure, it seems cool for her, but what's cool if it's just going to ruin your life later on the long run?!
2007-10-31 03:41:12 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Not only would I refuse to buy her alcohol, she wouldn't be going to the party either. Obviously there will be underaged drinking and no way would she attend.
Get a backbone. Most teens hate their parents, I know I thought I did because they were too strict.
Well I'm grown now and love my parents more than I thought possible and as they are getting elderly I dread the day they will no longer be here.
2007-10-31 03:46:00 · answer #10 · answered by Choqs 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
"Cool" to buy alcohol for your 15 year old daughter to take to a party somewhere else? Most certainly not, it's plain stupid.
I was a 'bad Dad' for most of my daughters teenage years but they respect me for it now. Don't give in to her. The 'hate' won't last and you'll feel worse about yourself if something bad happens.
2007-10-31 03:46:30 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋