parents.....are you afraid of the school system labeling your kids?

Question

i am a divorced parent of 2 boys and i am terriffied of the school system labeling my kids.. if my kids dont eat the school lunch they question it.. if they dont feel like playing on recess.. they question it... the school knows about the divorce and at some point they had linked one of my kids behavior to the divorce.. they asked me to take him to a counselor who in turn told me that my son is most likely bored at school because his inteligence is very advanced and that he was more than willing to test him... i dont want him tested because it will be another form of labelin ...

Answer 1

I completely feel your pain.. my 7 year old is very high strung, emotional and intelligent. Last year he had a teacher he wasn't compatible with and they put him in a counseling group (with my approval) and then wanted me to approve a questionairre type testing and were very angry when I wouldn't.

I just feel that a lot of high energy children could be labeled ADHD easily, but I know my child and he's not ADHD. It's just so much easier for them to just slap a label on them and make it someone else's problem.

You just have to stick to your guns and refuse testing of any kind and if they try to insist, have him see an outside child psychologist and inform the school counselor that he's seeing an actual Dr. who you think would know better than her whether or not your child needs a label.

Answer 2

I think it's important to see the difference between "labelling" and dealing with existing, likely, or common problems.

Children are affected by divorce. History shows us that there are often some issues that are common when a child's parents split up. You aren't doing them any favors if you are in denial and flatly refuse to consider the possibility that they are having some behavioral issues that stem from the divorce.

I'm wondering if it's the school who is "labelling" your kids... In conferences with my son's kindergarten teacher, she has mentioned all kinds of things, including the fact that my son eats well while he's at school. It's not a "label", it's just a normal concern, wanting to make sure your child is well-nourished. If they don't say something about it, you probably wouldn't even know.

She's also mentioned how he plays with the other children at recess.

These are all normal areas of development. Seeing as it is the teachers who see them 6-8 hours a day, their input can be really valuable.

Of course, it does matter how it's presented, but it seems to me that most of your fears of "labelling" are coming from teachers who are noticing that your sons may be having trouble dealing with a very difficult time in their lives, and a counselor who wants to test your son so that he can reach his full potential.

If the school were claiming your child is a "bad kid," not worth the effort, yes, that's something to be bothered by. But it sounds to me that they are keeping an eye on your children's well-being, based on experience with MANY children, and knowledge of your children personally.

Look, addressing potential problems and acknowledging the things that make your children unique is not labelling, it's good parenting/teaching. I mean, any loving parent would tell their child, "You are special. You are not like anyone else." Part of what makes ANY child special and unlike any others is their individual strengths. The other part is their individual weaknesses. You can help them be the best they can be by encouraging the strengths and acknowledging and working with the weaknesses.

Answer 3

Yes, I am afraid of my kids being labeled by the school system. My kids go to catholic school so the preassue is even greater to fit in with the wealthy families. Many of them seem to think that their child is perfect and could do no wrong. I, on the other hand, live in the real world.
To make matters worse, my son has been having trouble adjusting(after being bullied in public school last year)
My daughter is doing great and since she is only a year younger than her brother, it makes him insecure, and he acts out even more.
I don't blame you. I don't want either of my kids pegged as something they are not.

But, if testing him will help him advance and be better in school, maybe you should give it a try??? Forget what they THINK, do what you KNOW is right for your child.

Answer 4

Whew... take a breath Mom. Maybe you should go ahead and have him tested on an academic level, just to make sure he is being taught at level. This will only increase his chances of doing better in school and he'll be much less bored! I wasn't really "gifted and talented" when I was in school, but I wasn't taught at the correct level. I moved around a lot and for some reason they just stuck you in lower level classes for no reason. Finally, I was tested and they realized that I was much smarter than they thought! Once put in the proper level, I did much better in school.

Answer 5

Why wouldn't you want to have him tested. I'm having trouble with the opposite. My son tested gifted in one state and now that we have moved to another state they won't test him till he's much older. I would be happy to have a school so concerned about my child.

Answer 6

in my case they are. i an a stay at home mom and hes an only child. he is bullied by the afternoon driver and his teachers. i was told to day its just how things are. needless to say i will be trying to find another school and ride for my child, my child will not be tortured by these so called educators, my son is sweet and smart. but hes used to being the center of attention. just him and mommy while day worked.

dont let them fight for your child. i am fighting for mine i will be reporting everything to the district so my child isnt another victim

Answer 7

A school system wont label my child because i wont stand for it, they have no right.