I am wondering how to deal with my son's gf's pregnancy? (minors)?

Question

My son is still 17 and she is 16! My son and I think that abortion would be the best option, and my friends, but since a lot of people on here disagreed, what would you suggest I do?
She is irresponsible, promiscous, she left home at 14 and is generally disrespectful. Her marks at school are bad, all she wants to do is end up on welfare.
She cuts herself and has even tried to kill herself, my son doesn't want to be around someone like her, because he can see how manipulative she is now. She manipulated to him and lied to him that she would have an abortion if she fell pregnant.
So what should I do? I tried to talk to her, I asked her whether she knew what was happening was serious and she carelessly said yes, and then my son told me she didn't want to talk to me anymore. What else could I do if she doesn't want to talk to me, and her parents don't want an abortion!
Also, my husband just died, and I need my son by my side at this moment!

Answer 1

There is nothing you can do.

First off, she didn't fall pregnant. She got pregnant when your son slept with her. Agreeing before hand that she would have an abortion if she got pregnant was hardly a particularly smart discussion on birth control.

The fact that this girl has psychological problems is largely immaterial. Perhaps your son should not sleep with girls who are mentally unstable.

While you are completely right, an abortion will be the best option, it is almost certainly not going to happen. This girl is going to give birth to your grand baby, and by that time your son will be 18 and she will hit him up for child support. He will lose a portion of his wages until he is 36. The only way out of if is if he gets his parental rights revoked. But I'm guessing if her goal is to be a welfare mom, she is not going to want to pass up on the child support.

You are no doubt going through a difficult time right now, but I doubt there is anything you can do to make this situation any easier. Your son did something very foolish and you and he are going to have to pay the price for that.

Answer 2

I'm sorry about the death of your husband, that has to be difficult for you.

While this issue does affect you in some ways, your son made the choice to have sex... so it's his issue. Perhaps from now on, he will take a good, hard look at the person he is involved with before he has a sexual relationship with them? Live and learn.

If this girl cuts, she has experienced some distress in her life which has been left unresolved, is probably clinically depressed and/or was sexually abused (etc).. Apparently, she wasn't treated very well as a child, has emotional problems and needs encouragement and help from somewhere... her parents obviously did not give her support (and are probably the cause of her emotional problems). And, even if she may know her actions aren't normal, she is acting out as the result of her emotional pain.

We really have to look inside sometimes, to "see" what is going on -- i'm sure this girl doesn't want to be irresponsible, disrespectful and promiscuous. She needs help, and the best thing your son can do is to encourage her to get some. She will likely be defensive for a while.. Why? Because it's the way she's had to behave in order to protect herself emotionally.

There is nothing YOU can do, and this isn't exactly your problem... it's an issue between your son and the girl. You are there to offer help and support, i assume.

I see you have a lot on your plate right now. If these issues (the death of your husband as well as your son's situation) are affecting your life dramatically, perhaps consider some therapy. Sometimes a therapist can help us to find direction and ways to cope with issues which seem larger than life. YOU also deserve good help and i hope that you will get some, if you feel it's worth a try.

There are a lot of websites on line dealing with grief, too, hon. You can do a yahoo search on COPING WITH GRIEF for more information.

I hope things work out. take care.

Answer 3

♥ Wow I'm sorry that you have so much going on in your life right now... it sounds like this girl needs some guidance. I dont believe in abortion, so I cant tell you that its the best thing to do. Possibly adoption so the child can have a chance at life. Reading over the part where you said that she manipulated and lied to your son saying she'd have an abortion if she got pregnant... well thats like putting the blame all on her. Your son laid down with her and had sexual intercourse with her and he needs to man up about the situation. He can't expect every girl whom he gets pregnant to have an abortion.. he needs to take some responsibility as well. Also you should never try to force anyone into anything. If she nor her parents want her to have an abortion then dont force it upon her. The best you can do is support your son & support this girls decision... although you said your son didnt wanna be around her he did lay down with her and she is his gf.... so that doesnt make much sense. Good Luck!

Answer 4

Your husband passed away and your son is having a baby, maybe this is "GOD'S" way of bringing your husband back through your son! Don't look at it as the end of the road for your son but the beginning of a life that you two can share together. If she is an unfit girl then you take custody of the child when it is born for your son's sake. Don't push him away now that you really need him try and make this negative into a positive. Good Luck and don't force the issue the abortion b/c that will make her mad and do the opposite of what you know is really the right thing to do.

Answer 5

Touchy, touchy subject especially for me. You can either report my answer now or just out of curiosity, continue reading what I have to say to you about this.


First of all, your son is as much to blame for the girl's pregnancy as she herself is. If neither of them were using a birth control method, what else did you figure was going to happen. You said you think the girl is promiscuous? That being the case, how do you know for sure the baby would be his? Why would you want the girl to have an abortion? That is comminting murder, do you want that hanging over your head?
You also said the girl cuts herself, has tried suicide, and in general seems to not give a sh*t about life. Instead of condeming her lady, talk to the parents or someone about getting this chik some serious help. Ii is intervention time. Most likey if you put the girl in the eye of social services or some sort of hospital that speacializes in mental disorders or what ever is wrong with this girl, she'll have the baby and it be put up for adoption. I know in North Carolina, there is a safe surrender law that allows the birth parents to safely and legally surrender the child up to seven days old to the state or someone one else. Find out your state laws about this kind of thing. All your son has to do once the baby is born, is for one have a ppaternity test and then just sign his rights away. Killing a child who did not ask to be concieved by two seemingly irresponcible kids is not the answer.

I am sorry you are going through this on top of the grieving of your husband. There are better ways to deal with this issue than what you are suggesting! Maybe the girl doesn't want to listen to you because she now looks upon you as a murderess, for wanting her to kill the baby. Plain and simple, if the baby is indeed your son's and he doesn't want to take responsibility for his irresponsibility, have him sign his rights away. Give the child a chance to live. For all that is good in this world, there are people who would love to adopt a baby. There are adoption agencies out there that will find perspective parents BEFORE the baby is even born.

Hell, even though I've got three of my own, I'd be happy to adopt a child, especially if it meant saving it's life.

What the girl needs most of all is not anything you or your son can give her. She is a minor and needs serious sychiatric help. Convince her parents to get that help for her. Worry about the custody issue of the baby when it is born. Like I said, you son can sign his rights away if it is his, and will in no way be responsible for the child.

STOP THINKING MURDER!!!

Answer 6

first of all, im sorry. this is a tough situation. but second of all, you should always listen to your intentions. there could never be a better thing to do. you should definately arrange a talk with your son, his gf, and the gf's parents to try to make a game plan about whats going to happen with the baby. if her parents, hospital, etc agree that abortion is legal, then if all of you think its the right choice, go ahead. but dont make her feel pressured. shes the one carrying the baby. even though she seems like a bad person, youre messing with a new life here. thats the most important part right now. if shes willing to have the baby then suggest adoption or have your son talk to her about how much responsibility it is.

and as much as you can try to tell this girl whats right, its not your job. she has her parents and hopefully they will help her make a good decision.

people have had babies and this age, and younger, and been able to take care of them. its up to your son though if he wants to stay with her or not after whatever decision she makes.

good luck
i hope i helped.

Answer 7

First of all, I'm sorry about your husband, and that so much is going on. Secondly, I know abortion may seem like the easiest and best choice, but it is not as simple as it sounds. Don't think of the baby growing inside of her as the child of your son's girlfriend. That is your grandchild, regardless of the situation. Having an abortion creates more problems--there are serious risks for the woman having an abortion, such as possibility of becoming sterile, increased risk of breast cancer, life-long physical pain, as well as the emotional regrets and pain that follow in the long-run. Although your son may not be ready to be a father, there are many men who end up regretting the decision and suffering the loss of a child as well. These are the things you need to know, and that she needs to know before a decision is made. The baby’s heart has already began to beat on the 25th day of pregnancy, and it 1/2 inch long. Thinking of the baby that way reminds you that it is truly a baby. Now as far as her being immature about all of this, somebody needs to get her in to see a counselor... whether it is a paid professional, or a local pregnancy resource center that can help her understand the reality of the situation. Although, it sounds like she needs serious help if she is cutting herself. Just because she goes through her pregnancy and gives birth does not mean that she or your son have to be responsible for the child--there is always adoption! Perhaps your son could try to suggest driving her to a counseling center? You could try talking with her again, but be careful about how you approach her. Even though she may not be your favorite person, try to approach her in loving concern and tell her you would like to listen if she wants to talk about anything. She may be mean to you, but you have at least let her know that you're willing to help. You can only do so much. Remember that though she seems rough on the outside, she may be hurting deeply inside, so try to put aside the anger you may be feeling towards her, and place yourself in her shoes. Support your son through this, and you can always pray that God will help them to make the right decisions. God Bless!

Answer 8

I am someone who growing up was a very troublesome person. I have cut myself, been in psychward, batteled with drugs, and was mentally out there! The only person who didn't turn there back to me is my father, but he didn't agree with doctors that anything could be wrong, that I was just acting out.

I am now a successful woman who has put that life behind me with no thanks to anyone. If someone would have reached out when things were hard I would have never spiraled so out of control. But everyone would rather ignore problems so they "dont exist" rather than help work them out.

If she is choosing to have this baby, it will be your grandbaby. If you do not want to reach out to her, and just want to sway her desicions, then leave her alone. If she feels abandoned by your son and that the whole world is negativly against what is right to her, she will continue down the wrong path, wishing things were "right" and eventually this grandbaby will end up in a strangers hands, or turn out just like her.
People do not just run around hurting themselves to ruin other peoples lives. Most do it because whatever emotional pain they feel is so umbearable the physical pain distracts and hurts less.
Don't add to her problems, help be a solution, or back off and let everything fall into place. No need to ruin the babys life too because of your opinion of this girl, in what could be a temporary phase in her life.

Answer 9

your problem is complicated in that case i think that abortion is the best she could do she is irresponsible don't care even about herself really i will die if tomorrow when i have my kids they will find somebody like that .talk to her tell her she can have a baby like that she is not ready i am 22 and i am not ready as yet tell you son to leave that none sense women it's better to be alone than being with bad company.send her back to her house let her parents to deal with it, in the position that you are right now is very sad I'm so sorry about your husband tell you boy also that this is not time to be in those problems tell him to study and to do something useful with his life.now that you husband is not there it's your job to look even more after you boy give him advices tell him how difficult life really is i hope this help a Little and that everything works out for the best.

Answer 10

Her body, her choice. My suggestion would be don't push her away, embrace her, as difficult as that may be. If she feels accepted by you, you will be able to be active in that baby's life, which will probably be it's only chance. If she resents you and runs off, who knows what kind of a life the kid will have.
I am sorry about your husband, however, putting the pressure on your son to be his replacement isn't fair to him.
Embrace them both. Accept the decision she's made even if you don't agree with it. It's the best chance that child has.
Good luck!