tell my biological father to get lost without being rude? Recently, I've run into my biological father(it's not like he was around long enough to be considered a real father to me) who I hadn't seen in 15 or 16 years(I'm 20). He's trying to re-connect with me, but I am at the point where I don't care anymore. I don't want to be rude though and tell him to get lost. It also doesn't help that I see him just about everyday. He talks to me, but I tend to tune him out while at the same time try to make it seem like I'm paying attention.
How can I get him to understand that I don't need him?
2007-10-31 01:47:47 · 11 answers · asked by Usagi's Twin; HAJI IS MINE! 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Tell him how you feel, except in a more formal tone. Try "Dad, i hope you understand, but i don't think i'm ready to try to reconnect with you. When i'm ready, i will give you a call. Until then, we should continue on our separate ways..."
yeah. you can feel the drama.
2007-10-31 09:45:45 · answer #1 · answered by Pappenheimer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your father probably has many regrets that he was not in your life. He is likely trying to make up for lost time.
Maybe you could ask him about that?
You have the right to associate with anyone you want, or not. I suppose that your father means no harm, but if you do not wish to talk with him, or see him, you can always let him know.
Is it that you really don't care, or you are tired of feeling hurt and abandoned? There is a difference.
Perhaps it is time for you and your father to have a serious talk about the relationship.... maybe that is what is missing.
I am certainly not telling you what to do, rather trying to get you to think about this before you dump your father. Maybe a talk would work out... perhaps he is coming on too strong?
You never know what the future might bring, and if you and your father do get the chance to talk about this, maybe things would smooth over and you'd be able to forgive him and move forward, with or without him in your life.
I sure hope things work out.
2007-10-31 09:12:17 · answer #2 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can appreciate how you feel. I haven't spoken to my real father for 20 years. My step-father adopted me and he's the man I consider to be "Dad."
The difference is that my real father could care less that I exist.
But if he demonstrated a desire to have a relationship with me and was sincere about it, you better believe that I'd be right there to try.
Perhaps try listening to what he has to say, give him a chance to be a father now and try being grateful that your real father wants you in his life. He's not perfect and he's made mistakes, why not give him a chance to make it up to you?
I'm nearly 40 and I can tell you, I wish my real father would demonstrate any desire to have a relationship with me. Soon, it's going to be too late.
The past is the past. Why not start fresh? Why are you holding a grudge? Isn't it exhausting to always be so angry and resentful?
2007-10-31 08:56:07 · answer #3 · answered by Tikva 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have a right to feel disconnected
If he is sincere about wanting to reconnect
then I'm sure he will understand that you may not share his desire
I think that you should be honest and say
that too much time has past and that right now you don't want contact
Long term I think that you should heal yourself of this
He made a mistake and he is trying to correct it
I hope that you never need someone to forgive you
2007-10-31 08:59:51 · answer #4 · answered by mmmkay_us 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can understand how you feel, but as men mature later than women, its tough to be a father when they aren't grown up themselves. Men change and (usually ) mellow as they get older. I think that it is unfair to give your father a chance. If you spend aomre time with him , you'll get to know him better, and you never know, he might not be as bad as you would like to think he is. At least if you do spend some time with him,you can make a fair assessment and let him know how you feel. That is definitely better than shutting him out cold forever. You never know you just might like him.
2007-10-31 19:43:56 · answer #5 · answered by ogopogo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Without being rude, you might suggest to him that you're not ready at this time to re-connect but that maybe sometime in the future. Don't call me, I'll call you.
2007-10-31 08:51:14 · answer #6 · answered by FRANsuFU 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should talk to him, tell him what you feel , tell him that you really would have needed him when you were growing up and now you feel that trying to re-connect is not what you feel like is what you wanna do. He might feel angry or he might feel bad, try not to be too mean and rub it on his face I mean he did all this to himself....
Good luck!
2007-10-31 08:58:20 · answer #7 · answered by Jamester 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Start praising ur current father,who helped u in growing,he will realise that u care damn for him.
2007-10-31 09:03:42 · answer #8 · answered by prahlad d 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont bother with manners, he abandoned you, you dont owe him that courtesy, just tell him in a very polite way that you are not interested
2007-10-31 19:34:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him how you feel as if u are saying thiss to a freind
2007-10-31 08:54:56 · answer #10 · answered by SUNNY 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋