What is the best joke that you ever heard?

Question

I need a good laugh. It can be edgy or political.. Remember I always vote a best answer.

All the jokes were hilarious, but I have to give it to the edgy one. LoL, now the Bush thing is hilarious!

Answer 1

I just saw this posted by someone else yesterday. It may be an old one, but I had never heard it before.



(Warning: May be offensive to some people.)



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All the women in Iraq have shaved their pu**ies in protest of the war. Their message to the world is, "READ OUR LIPS: NO MORE BUSH!"

Answer 2

Mexican jokes ( Im mexican/american so i can do this)
Joke # 1

A big tough Mexican man married a good-looking Mexican lady and after the wedding, laid down the following rules:

"Honey, I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want - and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozin, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules! Any comments?"

His lovely new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there'll be sex here at eight o'clock every night - whether you're here or not."

Joke # 2

An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says " We're having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive" The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers "God Save The Queen" and jumps. The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers "Viva La France" and he also jumps. This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers "Remember the Alamo" and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.

Answer 3

Politics?

Son: "Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?"

Father: "Sure son, what's the question?"

Son: "What is politics?"

Father: "Well, let's take our home for example. I am the wage earner, so let's call me management. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we'll call her government. We take care of your needs, so let's call you the people. We'll call the maid the working class and your baby brother we will call the future. Do you understand?"

Son: "I'm not really sure, dad. I'll have to think about it."

That night, awakened by his baby brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He then went to the maid's room where, peeking through the key hole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheard by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to bed.

The next morning:

Son: "Dad, now I think I understand politics."

Father: "That's great son, explain it to me in your own words."

Son: "Well, dad, while management is screwing the working class the government is sound asleep. The people are being completely ignored and the future is full of $hit."

Racial?

While awaiting their respective flights in the Bozeman, Montana, airport, three strangers strike up a conversation in the passenger lounge.

One is a Native American Indian passing through from Lame Deer. Another is a Cowboy on his way to Billings for a livestock show, and the third passenger is an Arab student, who has recently arrived from the Middle East to attend Montana State University. Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim. The conversation falls into an uneasy lull.

The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table, and tips his big, sweat-stained hat forward to cover his face. As the men continue to wait for their planes, outside the sky grows dark, tumbleweeds are blowing across the tarmac, and the old windsock is flapping in the breeze.

After the silence becomes unbearable, the American Indian clears his throat and softly speaks, "At one time here, my people were many, but sadly, now we are few." The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward, "Once my people were few," he sneers, "and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?" The Montana cowboy shifts his toothpick to one side of his mouth and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a smooth drawl.

"That's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet, but I do believe it's a-comin'."

or just blonde?

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.

After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were like killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, "Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!"

I'm like... Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!?!?!?

Answer 4

The Golden Phone

A man in the Western Nigeria decides to write a book about churches around the country. He starts by flying to Lagos and working east from there. He goes to a very large church and begins taking pictures, etc. He spots a golden telephone on a wall and is intrigued with a sign which reads "N10,000 a minute." Seeking out the pastor, he asks about the phone and the sign. The pastor answers that this golden phone is, in fact, a direct line to Heaven, and if he pays the price he can talk directly to God. He thanks the pastor and continues on his way. As he continues to visit churches in Ogun, Ibadan, Osun, Ife, Abeokuta, Ondo, and on around Nigeria, he finds more phones with the same sign, and the same answer from each pastor. Finally, he arrives in the North. Upon entering a church, lo and behold, he sees the usual golden telephone. But THIS time the sign reads "Calls: N25." Fascinated, he asks to talk to the pastor. "Reverend, I have been in cities all across the country and in each church I found this golden telephone, and I have been told it is a direct line to Heaven and that I could talk to God, but in the other churches the cost was N10,000.00 a minute. Your sign reads N25 a call. Why?" The pastor, smiling benignly, replies, "Son, you're in the North now. It's a local call."

Answer 5

Q. What do u call postman pat on the dole(benefits)??

A. Pat

Haha i love it :)