Considering adoption - pros ans cons welcomed please?

Answer 1

Pros - there are a lot of children lingering in the foster care system here in the states and children in orphanages overseas who really and truly do not have parents or other family members who are willing or able to raise them (I'm looking at you Madonna!). In these cases, many times these children want to be adopted or for someone to have guardianship of them, so that they can experience the love of a family. In these situations adoption can be a positive thing if the adoptive parents properly educate themselves and open their hearts and minds to the feelings of the adoptee and what emotions, positive and negative, they are experiencing.

Cons - too many times the children who are being adopted are not the ones who actually -need- a home, they are just going from one capable person's hands to another as the children who really need homes sit and wait. Adoption is a big business, billions of dollars, which has led to some major corrupt practices including child trafficking and coercion of families of origins to place their children. Knowing that so many of our adoptions were unnecessary and caused so much pain for our original families, and the grief and loss of our first parents can cause many less than rosy emotions for many of us adoptees. Of course you can see that not all adoptees do feel this way (though many of us started out with a positive outlook and later express a lot of pain) but many do and your child may be like those of us who feel hurt and objectified by adoption. Also in domestic adoptions the adoptees records are sealed so we cannot find out our medical information, who our parents are, what our original names are, why we are the way we are, what our roots are, etc. On the side of the first parents, so many mothers are told they will get over it, they will heal...more often than not, they never get over it. I have known first mothers who were in their 60s or older who still cried for the loss of their children. The grief they express is unimaginable to those of us who have never lost a child. They were once called heroes, brave, selfless for giving their child to strangers and now they are forever marked with the scarlet letter B, living with the secret shame of giving up their own child. People assume they are drug addicts or promiscuous, and say their children were better off without them or that they deserved to lose their child because of their "sins", as if its not bad enough to lose your child but then made to feel as if you weren't ever worthy of your child to begin with and that they are better off with strangers? Tragic.

Just keep in mind that adoption is supposed to be finding families for children who need them, not finding children for families who want them.

Answer 2

Hi, having adopted 2 wonderful children myself I can tell you from experience:

Pro's

Unconditional love (from the child)

Moments of pride
(and heartache but they make the above point better)

A reason to live / get up in the morning / get home etc...

Security for the child (they're not to blame for their history)

You realise what Christmas is about
(both the Christianity and the gift aspects)

You learn who you are (during assessment stages)

See them develop from withdrawn / emotional / dysfunctional children into self assured, confident and "together" little people.

Con's

Time it takes to be accepted as an adopter and having child/ren placed can be so frustrating.

Feeling of intrusion during assessment stage

May disrupt / break down your relationship with your partner due to pressure (from each other or outside influences), the arrival of child/ren (they may be jealous of the time you now spend with the child/ren and cannot cope with it)

You become a little hard hearted when you have to "select" the children who you wish to adopt, be aware of this as it is heartbreaking at first, you want to adopt all of them.

Despite the above (all personal experience's) I would not change a day of my life since the date I rang social services and made the first tentative steps into adopting children.

Good luck with your decision, not an easy one to make as it is a huge lifestyle change and you have to do some real soul searching.

Answer 3

My best friend was a foster mother for a while and specialized in younger children (ages 2-7 or so). She happened to be asked to care for a family of one brother and two sisters and absolutely fell in love with these children. Social Services notified her that they would be eligible for adoption and I don't think they've ever been happier. The children or my best friend. I definately think that fostering first is the way to go. So many children need a loving family and yours may be just the one. In honesty, I have never known of a "con" with my friend's situation and if there has been one, she's never mentioned it. Best of luck to you.

Answer 4

Pros: Instead of bringing another baby into this world, you adopt one that needs a loving home.
Every baby or child needs a parent to guide them in the right direction and teach them life's lessons.
You give that baby/child a shelter, a family, food, and most importantly, happiness.
You can chose when the right time to adopt is, and if you would like to adopt from a specific country or a specific gender (say you already had a boy and you really wanted a girl), you can chose that.

Cons: None. Adopting someone is a great thing if you want to be a parent. Myself, I do not want any children, ever, but if I did, I would certainly adopt.

Answer 5

Pro...IF you take in a foster child who already needs a home, then that's about the only pro I can think of.

I have always hated being adopted, I have never felt like I "belong" with my a-family. It hurts my heart that my mother gave me away, and my a-family keeps on pretending like I was "born to" them, because I was not.

I can't talk about my hurt feelings because everyone expects me to just be grateful I have a home and good parents and so on, but you cannot shove a heart-breaking pain like this forever.

Nobody understand, they don't WANT to understand, they just want to believe that all kids are better off adopted and that losing their real moms is no big deal.

Well I can tell you, it is a big deal, and if you ever do adopt in the future, I sure hope you will be understanding of your adopted kid's feelings, and not try to discourage that kid from talking about, thinking about, or maybe even wantint to find the mother who gave him away.

That doesn't secure your place as the parent, it only builds RESENTMENT.

Answer 6

Are you mentally willing to accept the child as your own and treat it as a biological child? These questions have to be answered before adopting. I would recommend adopting a baby or young child. Do you mind me asking why your adopting?

Answer 7

It really all depends on what type of adoption you do. International adoption is a little expensive and requires you to travel. That's the con. The pro side of it is that your child is yours and no one can come claim him/her after the adoption has gone through (unlike an adoption in the states). That's the pro.

US adoption has great bennefits for the kids. In Florida, college education is free for the child you adopt. The downside is that the biological parent might want them back at one point or another (I've read horror stories).

Either way, you're giving a fighting chance to a child that truly deserves it. No cons there. If you're looking into adopting a child it's because you want to pass on love to another person. I take my hat off to you.

Answer 8

Can I suggest that you start with fostering to see how you get on?
If you've not taken children into your home before then it's a huge step. There are plenty of kids that need to be fostered - get in touch with an agency and get some advice. If you enjoy fostering then maybe adoption is OK for you.

Answer 9

pros for this is you can pick out the baby you want by seeing it first. they are loving kids that need homes. remember they are not to be thrown away by you its life committment. they will grow to be healthy young people and love you
well i can't think of anything bad about it. well if there are problems you could easily throw your hands up and want to get rid of them which isn't good either way.

Answer 10

Pro's: Giving someone a child that will get all the love they want and need
Giving them a better life than you could or can.

Con's: Once they grow up, find out you gave them away they may hate you or not. They may not want to see you if you find them when they turn 18.
The biggest con: You do not actually know who they are going too, what could happen to them, if they are even getting treated well.