What can I do about my wife's inability to feel close to me sexually. She has lost the passion for me.?

Question

I chose to leave the marriage after 13 years. My leaving her was, because everithing in my life with her has to be a nag and complain. I just could not take it anymore. Control issues, lack of patience. I love her, and she loves me. The divorce is imminent, and we are still together. She says she wants to be with me but she cant, in accoubt that I left her. I did not leave to be with another woman, in fact that was the last thing I needed then, more complication, no way. Just needed peace. She begged me back and I asked her to please make sure that if I did , to not be resentful or make it an issue, (I knew it would become one). I bought myself a car while I was separated, and she did not like that. I needed a better car for work. (only an issue because of what comes next). She said , If we are going to be back together, then I want a diamond ring. (not a 1 karat or 2 karat, but a 5.5 karat ring). I bought her one with my savings, which I knew thatit was stupid, but I love her so what.

Well, now sfter I bought the ring, she still not happy (daaa!), and I am out of 40K which I would have used to buy a small house in case we did get divorced.) She says I must educate myself in the art of passion to get her back, I must romance her. By the way while I was separated from her she cheated on me. The reason was that she wanted to feel good and know that she can make a guy want her. Guys, if a girl throws herself at you would you push her back being a single guy?)........ Exactly. So now here I am in a worse situatoin than when I started, and not knwoing the I will ever satify her thru the wall she has built around her. It is like trying to make love thru a brick wall. I tell you, I have tried everithing I can think. She told me to get books, go to a sex therapist (last night), She hates porn, so that's out. Any suggestions. We are already going to the marriage councellor. She's not talk to me as of yet. She went once. I feel I am painted in a corner.

I did no buy the ring thinking to buy her back. I bought because she wnted it because I bought myself a car. She is always toot for tat.

Answer 1

She is materialistic. You are an idiot. Why would you buy a giant diamond ring to "buy back" her love.

Get the ring back and divorce her. She's going to take half your stuff anyway...

Answer 2

Well if you want to make your marriage work you need to make sure that is what you really want because you have alot of hard work ahead of you... A women could careless about how much you spend on her or how big her diamond is she wants her man to be her best friend.. The person she can talk to the person she knows will not criticise her the person no matter what she has done or has said will be there for her... She wants a man that she feels oneness with a man that provides for her needs. You should read the book called ( EVERYMANS MARRIAGE) your wife has disconnected herself from you because she does not feel that you put her first and her feelings dont count to you like she feels they should. Spending money will not fix the problem the reason she asked for the ring was because she knew you were graveling and she sees it as take waht i can get at this point. You are going to have to reach deep on the emotion side and really work at it to chip that wall down one little brick at a time. This is not going to be an over night fix it didnt take you over night to tear her down so it is going to take awhile for you to build her back up to feel worth like she should as your wife

Answer 3

oh boy!

This is a roller-coaster. Stop playing the game of getting even. It will only hurt you both more and more.

The keywords for this case are: Introspect, Be Honest, Ask for forgiveness, Forgive, Repent, Understand the other, Have the courage to admit ones own misake.

Do you sincerely want to be together? Ask yourself and your wife. I have seen couple get back together; only to take revenge....first they beg the partner to come back into the relationship and then hurt them in the worst possible way. This cycle of hurting each other will not end. So, introspect and ask each other if you still have a good reason to stay together.

The key is to work harder on the relationship, sex between you will improve automatically. Like someone said "Sex is not between your legs, it is between your ears" - You both need to feel good with each other to have good sex.....else it is reduced to "going thru the motion".......if that is the case you will find excitement elsewhere, sex with your partner will seem more boring, stupid and like being exploited.

You both have done it all - It is time to sit down and reflect, think if this is the life you wanted. Settle this like two mature people. Encourage your partner sincerely - urge her to talk to you, drop all the sarcasm and talk genuinely.

Once you both calm down and talk for real, may be, you will realize your mistakes - apologize to the other - promise yourself that you will not start blaming each other......you will forgive each other.

Or maybe, your will realize that you can't be together....and agree to disagree - like two mature adults.....Decide to part ways and stop hurting the other. One of you may feel like being dealt the short stick.....Just give up and let go.

One way or the other, you will only get better. Wish you all the luck.

Answer 4

I think you need to stand back and take a good look at your life. Is this what you want...? I understand you love her but there is only so much you can do to satisfy her, sooner or later you are going to have to think about your own stability and what you want out of this life...You did not help your situation any by buying such an expensive ring, what if the marriage is actually over, are you going to take her to court to recover your loses..I know you love her but think of yourself sometimes ...okay? You and she have to make compromises to make this marriage work and it really sounds like it is one sided. You can't always be the giver..and looks as though she can treat you any way she wants and you will still be at her beck and call. I wish you all the best but please think of yourself just alittle. I think it is nice to put her first in your life but she also needs to put you first and stop being so selfish...

Answer 5

After 13 yrs of sex with you she must be throughly bored of the same dam thing , it must be monotonous and disgusting.Worse than the chores.You must be quite old by now, and its only normal that you want to blame your wife for everything. Just imagine you buying a new car for yourself.Who were you trying to impress.Men get potty after 40.They want to divorce and think that that will make them young and more desirable to the outside world, but in vain, people outisde only want your money, not whats in your pants.Then when they are high and dry and through they know the value of the wife and want to come back.

Answer 6

You need to re-evaluate your relationship with your wife and start fixing the rough edges. You must understand that you can not buy love and think that you will keep it. For love in a relationship is to be giving to each other sacrificially emotionally and materially. If she is demanding stuff from you to make a deal, I would re-think it before getting in, because your wife has lost the mark in your marriage.

Answer 7

Quite typical; you get back together only to be reminded why you separated in the first place. I don't see much hope in your relationship, but you should try couples counseling. It will (should) help you two learn to communicate, possibly even help you both make a clean break, if that's the best alternative.

Answer 8

Wow ...lots of information.

I guess maybe you should ask for the ring back.

Ask her to make her mind up about what she wants and needs and why she is behaving this way?
Get the counsellor to help you out with this...Hang in their life will move on in one way or another....

Answer 9

You might as well go back, none of what you said indicates you have any common sense or testicular fortitude. Why don't you allow her boyfriend to move in, and you pay his bills to? Damn dude grow a pair and start telling her some of what she needs to do to "win" you back.

Answer 10

Your wife is making your life miserable. When are you going to wake up and leave this monster? It's your call!