married for 20 years, being abused verbally and phisically, he is influenced by drugs, doesnot want to work, i have to support my family, two of my grown up kids advising me to go for a divorce, please advice.
2007-10-30 20:46:28 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Unless he agrees for divorce by mutual consent I will not advice you to go in for this preposition at this age & in you financial situation. This whole drama of going for unilateral divorce is simply wasting time & money. You wait for years together for getting decree of divorce & left with not enough cash or age to think about re-marriage. I agree to what ever you & your grownup kid think or say regarding such a man who is good for nothing, but the legal path taken for this dissolution of marriage is very long & full of thornes,which I know, neither you nor your kids. Just avoid him or best will be to move out of him with your kids for peaceful life. In case he insist for staying together then make things clear to him regarding his habits & behavior or ask him to agree for divorce by mutual consent, which I'm sure he will never agree. Sorry for your situation but unfortunately legal battle in any matrimonial home is the worst thing one can imagine, rest it’s your life, what more I can say.
2007-10-30 21:21:17 · answer #1 · answered by vijay m Indian Lawyer 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
the thought of leaving him for a divorce is scary. i agree with Lesk, you could leave for a while and 'roadtest' it. on the other hand, if he feels that you are only going for a while, he'll try every trick in the book to manipulate you, lay a guilt trip on you to come back. i'm afraid that i think your only option is to leave. very difficult for you to do.
try to distance yourself from your situation and plan your departure as if you were planning a vacation. find where you will go, when, how much that will cost, etc, and do not mention it to him, keep it to yourself. one day he will come home, you and the kids will be gone.
once you are gone, you can keep in touch with him, make sure he's okay, etc, but dont enter into debates with him, he will be unable to resist manipulating you. once you have had communication with him from a distance, then you can meet up with him now and then, in a safe place, see how that goes, then if you want to give it another go, seek counselling together. if he refuses, maybe get it yourself anyway. a counsellor will be able to assess your situation, tell you if you are thinking clearly, etc.
only after that, which could take maybe six months or a year, should you consider going back. during that time, you will rediscover yourself, for at the moment you are lost. you can only focus on the problem. no solution will come to you till you are out of there, so dont even try. keep all your strength for going.
you will need a shitload of strength to pull yourself out and away. you think its easy to leave? its not, its the hardest thing, you'll be full of internal conflict, ignore it. plan, then go.
planning is important.
you owe this to yourself and your kids. you know that. you are preventing yourself from living the life you are meant to.
good luck.
2007-10-31 00:45:03 · answer #2 · answered by maAternal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is not going to change even after 20years he is not changed, Just leave him for some period of time alone and if at all he feels the responsiblity and changes then you can give a last opportunity, other wise Divorce is the best option it may take some time to get things out of mind, but gradually you will lead your own life in a better manner.More important is the grown up children will have abad impact of such type of activities so try to think about them and leave.
2007-10-30 21:07:12 · answer #3 · answered by kamal m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Life is better after divorce. Especially if you are in a relationship like yours. Get out now. Don't look back. You already gave 20 years, why give your life. It's time for you to do for yourself. Staying in an abusive marriage is not worth anything. Good Luck! Now go sign those papers, now!
2007-10-30 20:55:37 · answer #4 · answered by sealegs32 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends, if your still in love w/him, & if you are then you need 2 start finding help for your hubby that is probably acting the way he is becuz of the influence. Be a good wife & at least try to get him help, then after that if you see he dont want to be helped, then bail! One could only take so much. (even if you have to get away to stay safe from being physically abused, try & get him help)
2007-10-30 20:58:21 · answer #5 · answered by caughtup 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What took you so long to realize all that.? just remember he will try to make you feel guilty which perhaps has been the case but enough is enough as a matter of fact there's a movie call Enough watch it if u have time ..its with Jenifer Lopez
2007-10-30 20:55:25 · answer #6 · answered by axc772000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh dear its been bad to u rather worse to u. why to give divorse go staright way and **** him. this kinda inhuman ppl are nt suppose to stay alive. i dont know what u think of him bt if i would have been der i would have done same. i know many ppl would say no to this but how much to adjust wid ppl and world? dont u urself have some respect. if u divorce u will have to face all problems of court and all.so better when he takes his drugs make sure its last time he take it!
2007-10-30 23:25:14 · answer #7 · answered by jazzyt 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Before getting a divorce make sure you give it your all. I dont mean continue to take the abuse. I mean see if he will get help. If so, then become aggressive with getting him the help he needs...and then try some marriage counseling too...
If he wont get help - then yes, I think you should get out.
2007-10-30 23:06:49 · answer #8 · answered by тяιηα 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why don't you go and stay somewhere for a while and see how it works out,maybe he'll come to his senses,or you could temporarily move out,he needs support and help obviously,is he willing to do this? If not i would suggest leaving until he's ready to change & get on with your life,if your feeling don't change then apply for a divorce,depends if you still love him/not.
2007-10-30 23:59:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is stopping you from the divorce ?
Do u have any hope he will change ?
Do u love him so much that u cannot leave him inspite of his torture ?
Life is precious, do not waste your time further, take bold decision to lead a peaceful life.
2007-10-31 01:03:47 · answer #10 · answered by philos_offer55 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋