Do you think i'm fat? silly question i know, but if you read the details u'll see i'm serious?

Question

I weigh 155 lbs. and am 5'4 tall, mid twenties woman. My stomach is not too flat anymore, and my body doesnt look as good as an 18yr olds would. granted, i dont have much muscle either. given those facts, would you run to p**n and m********ion if you were my husband>? would you neglect me for months? see i know i am not as attractive as i used to be, but i'm not too fat either. to other people i look normal. yes i can work on my weight to be more muscular and fit...but what happens when i get older...i'm still young and not so ugly and my husband would rather do p""n in secret than care for me while he knows i suffer. am i crazy to be angry and upset, b/c i dont think i am.

despite the fact that i show him much love, we had fights yes, and he said things that hurt me much, but i forgave him w/o him having to ask for it. i sometimes cry myself to sleep and he's right next to me but doesnt care and just pretends he fell asleep. i sometimes feel like i have to beg him but i'm no beggar and i give up. sometimes i just wanna walk out on this marriage but i cant b/c i still have things to hold on to. and its just really something i just cant make myself do although id do it if life wasn't so complicated...anyways....i dont understand how a little fat, b/c i know he thinks i'm fat, could make someone not love you anymore. and not respond to your desires and needs.

the only time i have for exercise is to walk my dogs. and i do that a lot. its not like im a couch potato, altough my job requires sitting all day long.

Answer 1

You sound nicely proportioned.

However a relationship is built on more than looks. Do you and your husband have a reasonably active physical relationship? How inhibited are either of you?

When you aren't in a sexual mood, do you have a tender and considerate relationship with him? And I don't mean just you, either. Does it work either way?

Finally, does this represent something recent in your marriage or has it always been this way?

If it has gone on this way a long time and if you've lost or never had the magic in a relationship then you have to ask yourself how much is it worth continuing the marriage.

It may be worth getting counseling, but you might want to consider the other options as well. One would be to simply accept things, porn and all, and the other would be ending the marriage. I am not advising you to do any of these, but to carefully consider each of them before you take any action.

Answer 2

Sounds like your husband is a very self centred cruel man,your husband should love you for who you are,not b'cause you've gained a little weight,maybe it's not you or the weight,perhaps he just is'nt inlove with you anymore,it happens,people's feelings change in marriage,i would sit him down & ask him why he is acting this way,if there is no answer or he does'nt want to give you the time then yes,i would strongly suggest you stay somewhere else as staying with him will only cause problems mentally and emotionally within you,wich you don't need just b'cause he is the one with the problems.

Answer 3

First, please do not listen to anyone who tells you that you are fat. Those BM, weight charts are a joke. You must consider body type, structure, as well as inherited physical attributes. second we all the know answer every time we ask that question, so whatever anyone says is not going to change the truth or change how you feel with what they say. That responsibility lies solely within you. Lastly, he is not ignoring you because of the weight issue. I have been married many times and have been 115 all the way to 210. It is probably due to him being unhappy about something else in the relationship, anything from your cooking, housekeeping, your voice, your laugh, or something he would like to do sexually that your not, but is not even your fault because he's never even asked. I say pretend you don't care, don't beg him, no sad faces or watery eyes, it is pitiful to men and a real turnoff.
Next time you know he is watching porn walk in and say can I watch, or can I join you, or something funny like need a hand there? Be sure to use your most soft sexy voice, he may be defensive the first time, or seem like go away your bothering me. Stay in sexy mode, smile and nicely say ok if you need me I will be (wherever you are) and leave him alone. Believe me it will get his wheels turning. The object is to get him to let you back in to that part of his life. Sometimes people get caught up in porn and self satisfaction is because it is just easier not dealing with people. Then they get used to that type of satisfaction and forget how the other felt. You must meet him where he is at in this area if you want him to share this part of himself again. Its kind of like when men go off and play golf, the wives complain they miss them, so what do they
do take up golf. You must play and prove yourself first before they will take you seriously and trust to let you in the game.

Answer 4

I'm not a good judge of weight, but I think the problem isn't your weight, hon. I think there is a serious problem in the marriage. You didn't say how long you were married, but if its been a few years, maybe your husband thinks things have gotten stale in the marriage. He may be going through his 'midlife crisis' or something like that. The absolute best thing you both could do as a couple would be to get marriage counseling....if he'd agree to go.

The other thing you might need to do is just to sit down and talk to him about things without getting all weepy-eyed. After so many years of marriage, most husbands get kind of immune to the tears and learn to ignore it. Have you ever heard a man say he doesn't understand women? Well, that's because they really don't understand us and to tell the truth, some men are really hard to understand as well. To make matters harder, men aren't really good talkers and many women put a lot of value on talking things out. IF the two of you can come to a middle ground and talk things out honestly, you might find a way to get your relationship back on track. I believe you'll need professional help for this, but if the love is there, you might be able to do it yourself. Depends on the both of you.

Another thing you might want to do is stop asking him for attention for a while. Let him look at porn if he wants. Ignore it, even if it upsets you. Then, find something for YOU to do that YOU like. Go out with girlfriends. Go to a movie with your sister or mother or friend. Take a class. Join a club or take up a hobby. Fill YOUR life with things that interest you and stop trying to get his attention most of the time. Make HIM come to YOU. After a month or two, if there is love, he SHOULD come searching for you. If he doesn't, there are obvious problems that WILL need addressed by a professional.

Another thing you might want to try is after you've ignored him for a while, try doing something romantic like making a special dinner or recreating a memorable date from your early years together. If you've previously found your love life in a rut, try something different. The point is, set the stage and see if he comes to the play or bails at the last minute. If he bails, could be trouble coming. If he doesn't, great! You might be on the right track.

Lastly, most guys like porn. Maybe we don't like them looking at other women, but there really isn't any way to cure addicts of porn from looking their fill. They either give it up on their own or they don't. The only way I've ever found to combat it is to do the same exact thing and see how they like us looking at naked men. Kind of makes them a bit jealous sometimes. Not always, but sometimes. My opinion is, ignore his looking at porn for now and work on repairing your relationship as well as finding other things in your life that make you happy.

The most important matter in regards to your weight is if you're healthy and happy with who you are. Not many of us can be skinny, stick-thin, anorexic model types and no man who loves you would ask you to be like that. Be happy with who you are and just be concerned with being healthy, not thin. If a man loves you, he loves you big or small, short or tall. Who wants a man who loves the body but not the person you are inside? You are not a body. You are a person and THAT is what your husband should love. If he doesn't, he's not worthy of you.

Good luck. I hope some of this helps.

Answer 5

for some guys how you looked at the beginning is all they can relate to so if he is one of those types of guys then you are not attractive to him anymore. It has nothing to do with you I am sure most guys would find you to be just fine as you are so now you have a few choices. One is to leave which you say you don't like that option the other is to get on a diet/exercise program and make it your priority to stick with it or find some pleasure some other ways.

Answer 6

According to a BMI chart you are overweight. I'm about 6 inches taller than you and I've never weighed that much in my life! Yes, I think you are overweight risking all sorts of medical problems. Getting older is not an excuse, you're still in your twenties, any doctor would tell you to lose weight even if you were in your 50s or 60s and that weight. Comparing yourself to others isn't a good idea, since many western countries have a problem with obesity.

Height: 5 feet, 4 inches
Weight: 155 pounds

Your BMI is 26.6, indicating your weight is in the overweight category for adults of your height. BMI Weight Status
Below 18.5 Underweight
18.5–24.9 Normal
25.0–29.9 Overweight
30.0 and Above Obese

People who are overweight or obese are at higher risk for chronic conditions such as high blood pressure, diabetes, and high cholesterol.

Anyone who is overweight should try to avoid gaining additional weight. Additionally, if you are overweight with other risk factors (such as high LDL cholesterol, low HDL cholesterol, or high blood pressure), you should try to lose weight. Even a small weight loss (just 10% of your current weight) may help lower the risk of disease. Talk with your healthcare provider to determine appropriate ways to lose weight.

Answer 7

The weight you will lose at first will be mostly water. Losing weight too fast is neither safe nor lasting. 1 pound per week is a healthy goal. Lose it the right way -- by limiting portions, eating healthfully and getting more exercise. That way the weight will stay off. At age 13, you need to be very careful to lose weight the right way -- you are growning and your body needs proper nutrition. Starving yourself or some weird crash diet may set you up for an eating disorder and a lifetime of misery!

Answer 8

My bet is that if you're being neglected by your husband that there is more going on than "being fat". I really wish I could understand why it's so common for women to assume that men are driven entirely by physical desires.

Answer 9

Your husband should love you for who you are, and seeing as how you're not really unfit, I can't see him having any excuse. Let him know how it makes you feel, and if he doesn't get it, to h*ll with him.

Answer 10

I'm the same weight and height, and the boys still like me. but I am 40