I have a friend that at times I really enjoy being around. Other times, she makes stupid comments like, "I used to sit around feeling sorry for myself all the time, but I don't anymore." After I confided in her about my husbands physical and mental abuse, less then a month after it happened.
Today, after I called and told her about a job she wanted. I told her about my step-children's new hamsters. She then asked, did their mother get them for them? I felt like it was a jab, insinuating I would never do something like that for them. Which is intirely not true.
I've gone from talking to her everyday to a couple times a month. I've never told her how much comments like these upset me. Should I? Or should I just stop talking to her all together?
2007-10-30 19:40:38 · 17 answers · asked by steffi 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
When you have a negative loser in your life, you need to cut them out, and move on. I once had a friend like this (well more a friend of a friend). He used to show up to these social functions and behave like a moron. I simply cut him out of my life and have never looked back. In his case, he had really low self esteem so he put other people down to feel good about himself. I let him do that with others, as I don't put up with that kind of crap from anyone. I suggest you do the same. There is little good that comes from hanging out with negative people.
2007-10-30 19:44:50 · answer #1 · answered by ZCT 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That isn't a friend.
You need to cut her and the husband loose.
His abuse will only build until he finally puts you in the hospital from beatings. Walk away before you wind up with permanent "black eyes" and have to put on that super-thick scar-coverage makeup just to walk out of the house.
You can do better than these two.
At some point, you need to evaluate each relationship and ask, "What does this person bring to the table?" Is this person a mooch? A user? A manipulator? A drama-queen? A time-waster? Or is this person your cheering section? Provide insight? Make you laugh?
As you go down the list of traits and how each thing makes you feel, you will know who you should be spending more time with.
2007-10-30 19:52:09 · answer #2 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's really important that you communicate probably through an email with her why you don't speak with her so frequently. Let her know that the ways she speaks to you feels like she is taking jabs at you all the time. If she doesn't care than thats her problem and not yours, you would be lucky to get rid of someone who does that to you. BUT it's also really good to tell her so she knows she is doing it. Some people just get in the habit of being that way that they forget they are being asses and they need to be told, if she continues to do it then she is blatantly ignoring your request to treat you with some respect and don't give her anymore chances...just cut her off cause she isn't worth it.Tell her!
2007-10-30 19:51:26 · answer #3 · answered by loseit 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would probably begin to distance myself from her. Sometimes people are just caustic. You can in a nice way let her know that sometimes you dont appreciate her comments but i bet she will just say something else smart. and if you are like me then you dont like being around smart mouth people either. especially when the are nice/nasty i call them nicesty people. Find other people that have more in common then you do. i mean more gentle like you and dont let her and her comments get to you. If she has been like that all along then she probably is not going to change so its up to you to change and part of change is realizing that some people are just not good for you. and when you run across those people, then move on.
2007-10-30 20:40:15 · answer #4 · answered by PhatBeatz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would take her out for lunch or something and then bring up your concerns in conversation. Make sure that you use the layer method (i.e. say a good thing about her, voice your concerns, then say another good thing about her).
Make sure that she knows you still think of her as a wonderful friend, but her actions sometimes hurt you. Emphasize that you are more hurt by her comments than you are angry. She is less likely to think that you are attacking her this way.
2007-10-30 19:46:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She will never make you happy if you still keep her friendship.You know , because she knows that you are good so she just talk something that is very mean and make you are not happy.So in this case you have to change your attitude to her so that she changes her attitude to you too. If you dont want to cut friendshiop with her ou can talk very bad to her, then she will feel bad.Next time she might becareful before she talk something to you because she afraid you will talk bad to her as well. I think this way will work.
2007-10-30 20:15:44 · answer #6 · answered by Sinatha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think backing away is good. If she asks you why you are backing away, then YES tell her why!!!!
Also, if you're in an abusive marriage get out!!! There are people who can help you. Don't stay with a person who uses you for a whipping post.
2007-10-30 19:59:11 · answer #7 · answered by More Lies & More Smoke Screens 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your just reading too much into what she says? It's up to you who you want in your life, noone else, so if it bothers you and she makes you upset, dump her.
I just did my friend of 4 years. She hated everyone and everything!
2007-10-30 19:44:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should find some new friends. It sounds like that is just a part of who she is. You cant change people! Good luck.
2007-10-30 19:48:10 · answer #9 · answered by mamma 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well when I first read the question I already had my answer.
Get rid of that "friend". They aren't a true friend to you if all they do is take cheap shots at you.
2007-10-30 22:31:16 · answer #10 · answered by LC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋