been with bf on and off for almost 3 years (last 2 years solid-no breakups). we've had our issues due to me having PMDD (caused alot of our fights-now takes meds and see a counselor) and him being too used to being a bachelor. i'm 28 w/3 girls part-time that he loves very much and he's 29 never been married or lived w/a gf.
we've been seeing a counselor for a couple of weeks now to help sort out the little hangups that are causing our arguments. he was totally agreeable to going. but in the sessions, he seems scared of having a "timeline" of me and the kids moving in w/him being put on him. the counselor asked him what he thought should happen if we didnt fight anymore-his anwers were to have the kids spend more time at his house during the day and eventually all of us spending the night there. but he stated that just b/c we were all spending the night didn't mean we were going to move in right away.
little more below..
2007-10-30 19:28:40 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he told the counselor that he wanted to make sure we were all on the same page before moving in together and getting married. i do agree with him and think his heart is in the right place and i truly think the reason it's moving so slow is b/c the arguments are setting us back (which he said they were) but a small part of me worries that he's afraid to commit. what should i think?!!
he does help me get the kids from school each week and tells them he loves them all the time. we are carving pumpkins and going trick or treating with the kids tomorrow so he spends lots of time with them. i see him about every other weekend alone w/no kids. most of my stuff is at his house and i've had a key now for about 2 years....
2007-10-30 19:28:54 · update #1
If he was a commitment phobic then he wouldn't have agreed to the counseling, at least that's what I think. You should think yourself lucky that he wants to take it slow, and get it right, especially because there are children involved. It sounds like he's very concerned about getting it right. Sounds like a sensible man, and one worth giving the time he needs.
2007-10-30 20:18:52 · answer #1 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You ask this same question last week i don't know what you want to hear that is going to make you feel better. We are in a better position to see what his intentions truly are because you don't want to see the real truth here. He might love you but not enough to have a ready made family. I don't think you and him will ever get married or live together and he has said that in a round about way. The signs are all there but you choose not to see it. If you two are auguring now it well only get worse not better. You never said what you augured about that is important to know.
No man in his right mind is welling to take on another mans responsibility unless he is wealthy and if that is the case then it comes down to him not wanting to give up his space his bachelorhood.I do hope i am wrong about him and he lets you and your kids move in with him. If that happens make damn sure you get him to marry you because you wouldn't want to be told to leave.
2007-10-30 21:35:02 · answer #2 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he is affraid of a complete commitment, it will just take time, you do as he suggested, buy hanging out over there alot, then starting staying the night over, progressing slowly, until you just move in together. It may not be he is afraid to commit but he just isnt ready to give up his space. His home is his, he doesnt have to share it, when he wants peace and quiet, then he can go home, but if there are other people that live there he has none of that, and his privacy will be greatly invaded. I belive that his intentions are good, but he doesnt want to give up all of his space just yet, give him some time, and it will come around. You cant forget that he has never been married or had a live in gf, so he has become used to having a house all to hisself and haveing what freedoms and privacyies he wants there, people move in he loses that. Give him time and im sure it will happen, maybe not as soon as you would like.
2007-10-30 19:39:26 · answer #3 · answered by Don A 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand what you are going through.
And I somehow understand what's going on in his head right now.
Sweetheart don't complicate your life even more. Moving in with a woman is hard enough. Let alone one with three kids. Well that sure is something. Don't push it. Just let things fall into proper perspective. Sometimes the more we want to make it happen the more it slips away from us.
Its not a matter of whether or not he is ready for committment. It think its you demanding more than what he is giving now. So what if its been three years? I know couples who have been together over 10 years and still waiting for the right time.
I know you have needs because of the kids. But these kids are YOUR kids NOT HIS. Allow him the time to fully welcome them (and you) in his life and take the RESPONSIBILITY that goes with it. Let it be voluntary. Just be yourself, DONT NAG, enjoy every moment because if you dont, one disastrous moment might make him walk out of the door.
2007-10-30 19:58:30 · answer #4 · answered by Stefani 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would commend this guy, he really is trying to make this relationship work, and i think he is right about being on the same page before you two move in together, I really think he is doing this because there are children involved, why move these kids in an put them in an environment where you two are arguing and such and it just doesnt work out, and the kids get hurt because they get attached to him and it ends... I really think he is doing the right thing and you too should just want to take it slow esp. with you having children...
2007-10-30 22:09:00 · answer #5 · answered by Renee 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if you look at him as a good friend and wish to spend time with him then you can do so.
Maybe he is not willing to get married and finds it better being a single.To tell you the truth you argue and fight much and could get worse after you are a couple.
Better as friends till things are better.
just a few suggestions.
Please do reply.
furqani@yahoo.com
2007-10-30 19:58:18 · answer #6 · answered by Furqan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
leave
2007-10-31 04:12:47 · answer #7 · answered by skirickfiftyone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋