I don't know who I am?

Question

I am going to be honest. I'm intelligent and well read for my age...for any age actually.

I can tell you about the fauna of the taiga, discuss Nietzsche and know something about every country in the world but...I dont know who I am.

I dont know what my opinions are as I keep agreeing with other people, I'm not assertive, I don't know how to make small talk and I don't know who I am. Everybody around me seems so confident and so outspoken but I feel like part of the furniture.

How can I be 21 and still not know who I am. It hurts.

Answer 1

You sound so like me at 21. Now I'm twice your age so can tell you that things can get better. My intelligence defined me when I was growing up. "Oh, you're so smart." I heard it all the time and that was what I was. But, like you, I was afraid to speak up, afraid to take risks. I was afraid, too, that at any moment I was going to be exposed for the fraud I was and it would be revealed that I was not the intelligent person everyone believed me to be. At any time I might get a B or give a wrong answer or look stupid and the whole game would be up. But I had everything all backwards. I was bright, as I am sure you are. But since I was afraid to take those risks that I saw even the poor students taking I didn't learn to make mistakes. I came from a family that didn't tolerate a lot of differing opinions and so I didn't learn to speak my own mind.

I had to learn that I have as much right to voice my opinion as anyone else. Just as you do. Everyone seems to be confident, but that's because you're evaluating your every comment and thought and they seem to just blurt things out. You're not going to change overnight. It's a series of baby steps. Decide one small thing you would like to change and work hard on that. It used to drive me crazy that I agreed with everything everyone said and then when I got home I'd mull it all over in my head, criticizing everything and everyone. It took time, but I've learned that I can disagree nicely. It's a matter of figuring out how to word things and getting over that anxiety that grips you in social situations. The more you do it, the easier it becomes.

Give yourself a break. You have a lot of your life left to live and to find out who you are. Enjoy the journey.

Answer 2

I was 30 before I discovered myself. I had spent 10 years trying to be what some one else wanted me to be and failed miserably. You must certainly have thoughts of disagreement though you agree just to avoid confrontation or debate. What you have to keep in mind is that even if you disagree with some one and let them know it need not go any further and if you choose to pursue it just explain your reasoning. You are an observer. I would venture to guess that you read people pretty well because of what you see the do or hear them say without notice. It's actually a gift. There is no need to worry about not knowing who you are yet. You are young and very few people see themselves as they really are therefor very few people actually know who they really are. I am 35 now and am still discovering myself it is a lifetime process because we all evolve because of events, new found knowledge, and trying new things, though it's not always in a good way we do so unless we face each issue, work through it and learn from it. My life has been a long hard road with much tragedy, but I wouldn't change a thing. Because it has made me who I am today. And I like me. Not many people can honestly say that. I truly think that someday you too will say the same.

Answer 3

Right now, you are a seeker. You have been absorbing lots of information, but you haven't formed any opinions about what you know. That said, it's time to process the information and evaluate it. Be somewhat skeptical. Does a question come to mind about whether or not what you read is true? Why did the writer want to share this information? Is the information important to you? Why? We all have likes and dislikes which tend to bias our judgment, but they also frame how we think about, and decide, courses of action. So follow your interests, try to decide if there is an agenda being served, and decide if you agree with it. You will soon identify your core values, and then you will be the person who believes this, acts on that, and who is a good thoughtful listener. As for not agreeing, you can always nod, say "That sounds interesting, but what about..." and discuss whatever it is further. Have fun.

Answer 4

there are 80 year olds that don't know who they are honey... that's what life is about... you never stop learning who you are..I'm always discovering that I like something/ don't like some thing/ have changed my opinion on things I use to like/ not like..
You might think that the people around you are confident and know themselves so well.. probably not true.. I'm a very talkative person.. but the reason is because that's my default in strange situations and comfortable situations.. I fake confidence till I've convinced everyone and myself that it's there. Alot of people do that. After doing it for a long time.. you realize that you aren't faking it anymore.
You could just be a quiet person/ a thinker/an observer and that is ok too! You will grow into who you are. Does that make sense?

Answer 5

OK. lets say you must first come to the One who created you. surely he knows you more than you do or will other people know you.
My Child…
You may not know me, but I know everything about you
…Psalm 139:1
I know when you sit down and when you rise up
…Psalm 139:2
I am familiar with all your ways
…Psalm 139:3
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered
…Matthew 10:29-31
For you were made in my image
…Genesis 1:27
In me you live and move and have your being
…Acts 17:28
For you are my offspring
…Acts 17:28
I knew you even before you were conceived
…Jeremiah 1:4-5
I chose you when I planned creation
…Ephesians 1:11-12
You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book
…Psalm 13
I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live
…Acts 17:26
You are fearfully and wonderfully made
…Psalm 139:14
I knit you together in your mother's womb
…Psalm 139:13
And brought you forth on the day you were born
…Psalm 71:6
I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me
…John 8:41-44
I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love
…1 John 4:16
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you
…1 John 3:1
Simply because you are my child and I am your Father
…1 John 3:1
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could
…Matthew 7:11
For I am the perfect father
…Matthew 5:48
Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand
…James 1:17
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs
…Matthew 6:31-33
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope
…Jeremiah 29:11 Because I love you with an everlasting love
…Jeremiah 31:3
My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore
...Psalms 139:17-18

Answer 6

This question reminds me of a quote that I thought of. I'm sure that this quote came to me subconciously, since I've probably heard it many times before (I just can't remember who said it):
We can know so much, but know nothing.
Essentially that's what every human being goes through in one shape or form.
Every human being has moments where they feel lost. Every human being tries to find a purpose in their lives. Some people turn to religion, some turn to spirituality, some turn to science, some turn to their morals and ethics to lead them through life, etc.

You're in a situation where you know so much about so many different subjects. You read a lot, and you love retaining information. You love knowing that you know about so many different things. It probably gives you a sense of purpose, and in a way, fulfills you.

But all these things you know about have no relevence in your life. You know all these great things, but don't know what to do with all the information.

I think that's where you are right now.
You are in your early twenties. This is the time of confusion and self discovery.

Don't stress out. You have a long way to go still. There are many new experiences ahead, and much more information to learn.

Take it day by day and don't over analyze activities in your life.
Appreciate your life, and be a good person, and you will discover who you are.

Answer 7

listen, ur still young.. it can take a long time to figure out who you are and many people are not comfortable till their 30s or 40s... If you have enough time and not enough responsibilities that you have the time to ponder the who am i qustion then you are in actuality experiencing the best years of your life wether you now it or not... you are not in the position where life becomes to busy or full of responsibility that you dont have the time to question who am i... dont dwell on it as you will find yourself, dont force conversations, im sure people will see your bright without the theology and philosophy and dont just agree because you have nothig better to say... enjoy your youth, everyone is as unsure as you are, we are all human beings.... worrying wont solve it, focus on enjoyng life before it passes you by.....

Answer 8

i gotta be honest here mate... i don't know who you are either!!!! OMG! ARGH!


Seriously, now that you know you do this, why don't you make a point of disagreeing with everyone for a week, using reasoned arguments, this way, you get practised at having discussions. Eventually, you'll be able to stand up for your view point. I used to always just agree with people, and eventually i thought 'wait, i don't believe that at all! what am i saying?!' And now i have my own thoughts and opinions, but am still able to appreciate the opions of others.

small talk: how's the weather? gees? did you read harry potter, what did you think? Who's going to win the election? how bout them nicks? cor, what's that smell?

Answer 9

everyone discovers themselves at different times in there life.....Some discover it in Junior High others in High School. Most in College. And some two, three, four careers into there life. Your only 21 so you have plenty of time to discover who you are.and confidence comes with success. So be as successful as possible and its only natural that you will be more confident. And with confidence comes assertiveness when needed

Answer 10

Hey, there at least your not going through the problem I am: I LITERALLY do Not know who I am. ---- I went missing when I was little and I think some people I used to know now think I am dead!! and it would be difficult to convince them otherwise if I ever were to see them. Hows that for a Identity Problem?? Anywho just be patient with yourself. and you will eventually see. As far as your opinions go , try getting intouch with your feelings more and allowing yourself to feel/cry/whatever about different ideas. That will inspire "opinions".