Let me start by saying
How much you mean to me
I love you more than words can tell
But that you will never see
You are my reason
For getting up each day
If you were to leave
It would hurt more than i can say
I loved you once
I love you still
I always have
And always will
I will never let
These feelings show
Because about them
You can never know
I will never show them
So my heart cries
But my face smiles
Cause evceryday i just spill out lies
For now we have to be friends
For reasons unknwon
As well as the obvious
My feelings cannot be shown...
2007-10-30 18:21:58 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
well, it depends on your age and education level. I would put this at a 4th - 6th grade level. I think because you were so focused on rhyming you didn't really let your heart out, especially rhyming words like still and will, day and say, me and see. It's not very in depth or descriptive, I understand what the poem is about but it's important for the reader to really feel what it's about. Try non-rhyming poems and dig deep into your gut when describing your feelings.
2007-10-30 18:34:23 · answer #1 · answered by Agnostic 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
i think your poem is good...
personally when i write i would like to try to mkae the person feel what i feel or at least have experienced the same...to me rhyming every line is not a big deal if you place the right words together or break you sentences off at the right place your poem should turn out find..but other then that i say keep up the good work â¥
2007-10-31 02:45:36 · answer #2 · answered by ccret 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its fair,good but fair,the stanza in the 4th paragraph,needs a little tweaking,its just slightly out of cadence,Maybe shorten the syllables down like " as I cover up with lies"
2007-10-31 01:47:46 · answer #3 · answered by stygianwolfe 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really like the part;
I loved you once,
I loved you still
I always have
and always will.
If this poem is reality you aren't being honest with this person
you love. I think if we really love someone we have to show
them our true feelings or they'll never know?
Just my opinion of course,JN
2007-10-31 07:36:14 · answer #4 · answered by Julie N 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
truthfully, this is awesome poetry. I wrote one like this, but i guess it was too much for one particular person who took it upon themself to report my poem, out of jealousy or hatred. hope it doesn't happen to you. other than that, your work is bold and romantic, very honest. please continue posting because you're very good and I enjoyed reading your work. always believe in yourself, because you have something good here and I think you could have a big future ahead of you. you can change lives with your wonderful writing, so i say go for it, cause you have nothing to lose. you're talented and you deserve to succeed, as do we all. awesome job.
2007-10-31 03:17:55 · answer #5 · answered by djb32067433_1 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
it's ok, u need to stop worrying about ryming and sayit from your heart, it will end better that was, maybe if you are 12 than it would be fine but i'm guessing you're older work on it a little bit!!!
2007-10-31 01:54:57 · answer #6 · answered by ~FREE SPIRITED~ 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is a wonderful poem, obviously from your heart. Best wishes and keep writing.
2007-10-31 01:32:56 · answer #7 · answered by Doctor J 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
nice and lovely....good luck
2007-10-31 01:49:31 · answer #8 · answered by adam_forooosh65 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋