i love my husband but im not in love with him anymore. how do i make myself fall for him again?

Question

i really love my husband and we have been married 2 years. but for the last 10 months i just dont feel that spark and i dont know how to get it back. i want to feel the butterflies again. i started feeling different about him around the time that i got pregnant. our daughter is now 2 months old. what do i do to get the butterflies back?

Answer 1

Try doing stuffs that you guys did before you got pregnant. It may because there were times that you didn't feel enough support / love from him when you were pregnant. It may also due to the psychological and emotional effects of pregnancy. Tell him that you want to get back to the things you guys did before your pregnancy. But don't tell him you've fallen out of love, it'll be very hurting and make him insecure, or he'll find love outside =)

Take care =)

Answer 2

You are just tired/hormonal from being a new mommy. Give it time.

The "in love" feeling comes in waves, and you may never feel the "sparks" that came when you first met him--that's infatuation. In a true and lasting marriage, they are eclipsed by the warmer deeper feelings of secure love. They build with shared experiences and memories, right now many of which are probably focused on raising your new daughter. You may also be feeling some body image issues dealing with post-pregnancy that could be inhibiting you a bit sexually, or you just may not feel like you have the complete privacy you had in the house before the new little one was down the hall (or in the cradle next to the bed!)

As soon as your little one is old enough to leave with Grandma or a babysitter, plan a romantic getaway to a hotel, resort, B & B, or somewhere special to the 2 of you. Make time together and make a conscious effort to make it about adult couple time and not to talk about the baby.

You probably also need some grown-up time to pamper yourself. Carve out some time for a "spa day" to have a new mom makeover--hair, nails, massage, etc. Find a new outfit that really shows off your new curves. If you feel sexier, it's likely to be a turn on for him and in turn will heat things up for you!

It can be a challenge to balance being a mommy and a wife--one or the other may sometimes feel like it is getting the short end of the stick. You may get resentful if you don't think your husband is helping enough with the baby or appreciating all you are doing. If this is part of the problem, try your best to calmly communicate your expectations to him, and be patient in showing him how to do tasks that he is unsure of. If he can take some of the burden and stress off you, you are likely to be more relaxed and "in the mood", and you will find new reasons to fall for him as you see him being a good daddy and taking such good care of both you and the baby.

It won't happen overnight, but if you can incorporate some or all of these tips you should start getting closer over the next few months as you settle into a new routine and dynamic as a family.

Answer 3

So you're just a little too used to the burps, dirty dishes, diapers and cleaning the toilet that you just don't have the spark at the end of your day?
That's fair enough, especially after just having a baby.
You have a lot of new experiences around, especially the factor of not sleeping, and this time can be exhausting. When you find the energy, try and go out on a date and get to know each other again. Maybe try going out one day a week to different places, take your daughter along with you if you like.
What about spicing things up in the bedroom? You can take that as far as you like, but maybe just try "canoodling" for a night rather than just diving into the heavy stuff straight away every night, or toys, or new positions.

Find a new bond between the two of you.
My husband really loved working out before we got married, and for a few reasons that kind of fell to the way-side. So now I do it with him, we invested in a weights bench, and we do that together twice a week, which gives us reason just to spend time with each other while having some fun.
Find something for the two of you that can be new and interesting. New things can add a level of excitement.
Try and remember some of the things that got you interested in him in the first place, and try and relive some of it.

Answer 4

Don't worry what you are going through is sooooooooooo normal. It doesn't matter who you are with, over time the spark and the butterflies go south and you are left wondering if there is something wrong with you. Relax! This is the great part of the relationship where you are comfortable with each other and are growing into a very deep and satisfying friendship. A new baby also saps the energy and kicks the libido to the curb, but the energy and sex drive do come back with time. Make sure you and your hubby have some together time each week, even if it's just sitting in front of the TV together cuddling or with your head in his lap. Sparks and butterflies come and go. A deep connection that lasts through thick and thin...that's special and it sounds like that's what you are working towards.

Answer 5

I don't think there's any one answer to this question. I think you're probably still 'in love' with your husband, just not feeling the spark (which is perfectly natural).
Some couple find that going out on dates again (whne you can find a babysitter) bring the spark back, especially if you go to places you loved when you first started dating.
Some people find that getting different hobbies and spending more time away from each other brings back the spark.
Some couples like taking extra time to be romantic, and do the extra special things they did in the beginning.
What works for me is remembering all the things that attracted me to my boyfriend in the first place.
Just experiment and see what works with you.

Answer 6

First, get a reliable form of birth control. If you can have fun without fear of reprisal, that should help a lot. Then, find a babysitter who is willing to keep the baby for the entire weekend. If you are nursing, save up some milk, enough to last the baby for the entire weekend, plus a little extra, cuz you never know...
Make a reservation at a nice little hotel, with room service. Get a sexy negligee, some new toys and a good lubricant. If you guys drink, get a bottle of good wine, a kind you both really like. Maybe some nice snacks.
Kidnap your husband from work on Friday afternoon. Take him to the hotel, where he finds out that you have provided for his every comfort. Have a couple glasses of wine. Take a shower together, and wash each other all over. Dry each other off and put on the sexy nighty. Then tenderly nibble your husband's earlobe and whisper to him how much you love him and are grateful that he's a good provider. Tell him WHY you love him, how you came to love him. Before you are even finished, you will find yourself starting to warm up to him. Give him some of his favorite activity. Order room service. Relax with each other. Enjoy your time together. F*** each other's brains out. It WORKS!

Answer 7

Quit watching "as the world turns" and all the other soaps. If you love the guy, you love him. "in love with him" is a BS writer's coined word that portrays a non-reality, a piece of fictional life. Butterflies only last for a short while, just like in real life, then living life sets in. All things settle down. Having a two month old daughter, you now have a routine. Life is like that. Your still young, but you haven't grown up yet.

Answer 8

Pregancy is a big change for a woman !
They say a child binds a couple together ... but once the child is born everyone talks about the child only. Somewhere the individuals are lost & the family is in. The "spark" will come back try doing little things together while your baby sleeps like: having an early candle light dinner with light music or maybe taking bubble bath together ... or maybe even cleaning your house

Answer 9

A good marriage doesn't have to be one with butterflies at all times. Loyalty and dedication make love work. Butterflies come and go for some people and for many, the rosy glow of being in love never returns after the honeymoon period. But that doesn't have to mean that you don't still love each other.

Nevertheless, planning and working for those wonderful times together when you only have to devote yourselves to each other, in a romantic setting, that is worth the effort and every couple should do what they can to find that special time together. Also you can study your partner for what makes him happy and try to see that he is happy as much as possible. It doesn't mean that it is your fault if he isn't always happy, but just that you always try, because you love him and want him to be happy.

You can also count the ways that he is good for you and that he makes you happy. Let him know and let his Mom know, too and other people close to you. He and you will be happy if you know that you have made others proud of him.

Don't forget all the little things day by day. It was hard for me but worth it to let him drive because he liked to, let him watch sports on TV even when I had other plans, let him have his personal friends and pets even if you don't choose the same ones for yourself. All the sacrifices offered lovingly make love grow.

Answer 10

me and my hubby have been together 10 years and i never got the butterflies back.....we also have a child, but what did help us was some excitment in the bedroom,, go to a sex store together and pick some things out and have fun while your child is asleep(alone time) and make it fun...shower together , try and do the things you did b4 you were married and dating with those butterflies in your belly..it was a whole new experience for us and we cant leave each other alone when it comes to sex!! 2 years is not a long time to lose that feeling but when you have a child things change,,i dont know whythey just do! good luck and crazy fun!!!!!