I'm pregnant and during an argument my husband told me he didn't want the baby?

Question

I've been married for 2 years and I am 4 months pregnant. My husband has always disliked children yet he doesn't believe in abortion. I've always wanted to have children and we have spoken to eachother about having them, however we planned to wait a few more years. He's been on edge lately because of stress and a week ago we got into an argument. He called me mean names and basically said that he didn't want to have this baby now and that I had forced it on him. He had just returned from his brother's birthday party so he was drunk, and ofcourse he didn't remember the argumant at all. He has apologized repeatedly and he says that he does the want the baby and yes it is unexpected but that's how life works. I just can't get my mind off what he said. I am just worried that he told the truth that night and he really doesn't want the baby. I spoke to him yesterday about it and he keeps saying that he wants the baby and that I need to get over "the stupid argument" but I just keep wondering

Answer 1

First of all, congratulations on the baby, even if it was unexpected, you know it will be a blessing in your life.

Secondly, your husband probably is feeling a lot of mixed emotions. Most men have a really difficult time dealing with major changes in life that they don't plan or prepare for. It's possible that he feels guilty more than anything because he planned on living a completely different lifestyle for the next several years. He was probably being truthful when he said what he said, but as most intoxicated people lack tact, wasn't able to control himself in saying the things he said, that were likely hurtful and unnecessary.

The best thing for you to do is to take it day by day. If he's dismissing the argument easily, he may be embarassed about his own behavior. I think you should just make it clear to him how you felt when he said those things, and then let it go. Bringing up past arguments and wondering and second guessing isn't going to be good for your relationship, and the stress of it won't be good for you and the baby. You know your husband better than anyone online could try to imagine, so you'll know if any apologies that he offers are sincere. If you don't feel they're genuine, then you should re-evaluate whether or not you're ready to have a family with this man.

From what it sounds like, he wants to be a supportive and loving husband and father, but sounds inexperienced and scared. Try to include him on more discussions about the baby and plans for when he/she arrives. You can try joking about "Daddy's little girl" or how he's gonna have a buddy to play catch with in the yard. Try to use encouraging communication to get him to express himself more. Most men shut off emotionally when they feel trapped or like they have lost complete control over a situation. Invite him to attend your doctor's appointments, and/or along to a shopping trip to look at baby goodies.

By the time your baby comes maybe you'll be healed from the emotional wounds he inflicted on you.

Also remember that during pregnancy, we're more prone to being emotional and over-reacting. I'm not suggesting that you're over-reacting because I think it's really important for the partner of a pregnant woman to be sensitive to her needs (both physical and emotional), I'm just suggesting that maybe you're having a difficult time accepting his apology because it's easier to stay upset and question everything he does and says.

In the last 2 months I've accused my partner of cheating, lying, and a slough of other things, but I know in my heart that he's been completely faithful and done everything he can to be supportive through this pregnancy. Good days and bad days, we all have them.

Hang in there, go to lunch with a girlfriend, rent a sappy movie, take a warm bath and relax. Things will come together in time, and you'll know in your heart what to do and your feelings will follow.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 2

People can be insensative when they get drunk. In most people you can't take everything they say to heart when you know that booze is involved. With guys, especially when they've been tying one on with "THE GUYS." All it takes is a few drinks and a jealous buddy to complain that a kid is going to keep him from hanging out with the guys and how it's just going to change his life.
Since it isn't something that is a regular occurance, forgive the guy. He really didn't mean to upset you. Being pregnant, it's natural that it's going to bother you a little more than it normally would. Just watch when the baby comes and he's holding that little miracle. He'll be choking on those unkind things. If he makes it a regular occurance, divorce and child support and he can go hang with the guys all he wants.

Answer 3

I think everyone says stupid things in the heat of the moment and if he has profusely apologised and retracted what he said then take him on his word. Sometimes there can be an element of truth in everything but if seems to be okay from here on out I would put it down to the heat of the moment and get on with the arrival of your first child. My hubby got insensitive about our first child too but afterwards he confessed he was just scared and worried about how it was all going to go. He came around and was a total gem at the ante-natal classes and at the birth he cried when the baby was delivered.

Just see what happens but most men get scared when their partners get pregnant unexpectedly so he may just need time to adjust like mine did.
We are waiting to see if I might be pregnant with baby #3 (period is due but no where in sight!) which wasn't exactly planned but he's the one that has been saying, no more kids at first, but this past week I can't get him to shut up about me being pregnant. Its like secretly he's excited and now I'm the one that isn't sure about having a baby! Men do funny things when chicks get preggers!!lol!

Best of luck

Answer 4

well, sometimes the truth does come out when people drink, but more than likely, he was just being a jerk because he was drunk. I think that things will be better once the baby is here and he sees that it is part of him. I was the type that NEVER wanted any children. Not that I didn't like them, I just didn't want any of my own. So much easier to see them for a while and send them home... Here I am getting ready for #3 who will be here on Friday! Babies melt even the coldest hearts!!!

Answer 5

wondering will only make you worry! Their is no way to go back in time and make it where he can remember. Yes that was wrong and maybe you should be talking about him coming home drunk more than if he loves the baby or not because believe me when ANYONE sees that little bundle of joy even the people who HATE kids cant not love them! I would say let this one go and worry about your future. Good luck and sorry he said that, i know how it is to get your feelings hurt when your pregnant the hormones make it 10 times worse!

Answer 6

first of all never listen to a drunk man who is angry. that is the worst time ever to argue. im not excusing what he said, but drunking can really mess with your mind. it might have given him courage to say something to really hurt you.
people do that when they are sober, my husband and i are very much in love and we have gotten so mad at each other and purposely said some really means things to each to make each other mad. thats is not right to do and we have really talked about and worked on it.
i wouldnt take it to heart at all. just let him know that if he better not ever say anything like that again
becoming a parent is a scary thing, a lot of men go thru emotions too while their wives or girlfriend are pregnant. but trust me once he shes his little baby he will be so in love :-)

Answer 7

First, does he really want it or not? Because having a baby is gonna take hard work especially when it's your first. Ask him and tell him to make up his mind. Maybe when the baby comes he might argue with the idea of you having the baby in the first place.

Answer 8

thingsget said in the heat of the moment and people do not even realise what they have said until it is to late. He knew that is the one thing that would hurt you so it was his way of attacking you. My husband and i had a fight when i was pregant with second child and he said the exact same thing. He was really sorry for it also. Now our daughter is here he would not want it any other way. as a father he will be able to bond with your child once he/she is born where as you bond with the child when you are carrying it. So things should work out, i really don;t think he ment it. he said sorry so you should leave it now or it could cause more problems.

Answer 9

There are several things to consider. If he came home from his brother's birthday party and was so drunk he didn't remember what he said, wouldn't that concern you? He was DRIVING DRUNK!! That would certainly be someone I would be leary of. You have to decide what in your heart you would do, but if my man drove drunk, I'd be filing the divorce papers tomorrow. No way he would ever have my child in his car.

Answer 10

Well... In my opinion he was drunk & probbably didn't mean it. He sounds very stressed out & men get scared before becoming a parent. Finances are probbably on his mind, & he may be worried about you having time for him once you have children (men can be very selfish when they have to share their wives.) My best guess is that when he see's his child for the first time he will be estactic! I'm sure he regrets saying that & try to forget about it. You have to much to be thankful for to dwell on 1 drunken comment he made.