I have Lupus and back problems. he does not go out of his way to help me like cleaning house or doing laundry. when I say I hurt all over he has to say the same thing. I just want some love and caring but he's also the type that don't show his emotions but I do. I sit at home every day cleaning this or that. I'm getting tired of it and I'm not very happy. He don't even compliement me on how I look or the house looks nice or ever brings me a little something to cheer me up. I know I have my faults but I' don't ask a whole lot. I feel like running away and never coming back! For I don't feel cared for at all!
2007-10-30 16:27:29 · 14 answers · asked by smiley 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you need to get him to go to counseling with you or go yourself and then leave him. Lupus is lifelong but it can be controlled to some degree with medicine and rest, from what I just read, and you are not getting the rest if you are doing all the work in the house. He may not understand what lupus is so doesn't take it serious but perhaps he will if you go to counseling or get some support from the sites I listed below. If he is not willing to help you and work with you on this, you are better off by yourself and hopefully you will be able to find someone else who will.
Good Luck to you and take care of yourself - before you take care of him.
2007-10-30 17:07:18 · answer #1 · answered by Al B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The boy spent 4 years in prison and still did not learn his lesson. As heartless as it sounds sometimes people must learn things the hard way. He is 33 and with a 20 year old woman with 3 kids :( sounds like he needs a rude awakening and maybe the streets will do him some good. The streets r rough depending where u live. It's hard to let go of family but sometimes it is best. Talk with your hubby and see what he thinks. Your son should have some respect for u and his dad. I really think he will not come to this conclusion until he hits Rock bottom and that woman sounds like the stone that will sink the ship. Sorry but just being honest. Good Luck.
2016-04-11 04:25:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sadly - you cannot make him do what he does not want to do.
You will have to decide what to do.
You could tell him exactly how you feel .. and see what he says about it. But ! .. be ready for him to be defensive .. and maybe hurting your feelings more. In order to try to solve the problem - it needs to be told.
If he refuses to listen to you .. or be kind to you when you try to talk to him .. suggest you & he going to a counselor. If he won't do this either .. then you will have to really do some serious thinking.
If he won't listen to you .. and he won't go to a counselor for help .. and he still is not nice to you .. then he is doing the things he does to you because he wants to. All people do what they want to do, if they can. Don't listen to what he tells you .. but watch what he does .. his actions speak louder than words .. and his actions tells a true story.
You could ask yourself questions .. like .. "is it worth it" .. and .. "is this the way you want to live your life forever" .. and .. "could you handle separation .. or even want it"??
Another thing you can do .. which sounds very simple like it would not help (but it often does, in a big way) is to get alone with paper & pen .. and write a letter to him .. OR /and .. write a letter to yourself ... in this letter say absolutely everything that you feel .. use every single word which comes to your mind .. just say anything & everything - don't hold back anything .. and don't worry about proper words or punctuation .. just WRITE. You don't give this letter to anyone. When you get through writing this letter .. store it in a place where no one can find it .. and leave the letter there for a few weeks .. don't think about it, or what is in the letter .. just forget about it. First - you will be surprised at the release this letter will give you .. when you write every true thing in your mind, and your real feelings .. this process often clears the mind . Next - when you go back to retrieve that letter in a few weeks - you will be amazed at what your heart has written .. and it can give you a great over-view of another person inside of you that has this problem. Writing this letter can help you in so many ways.
You have a lot of decision making to do .. and a lot of attempts to see if your husband will straighten up .. or not .. and exactly what you want to do about it .. or do nothing at all. It is all up to you. Your decision.
The decisions you put into your life, determines your life.
2007-10-30 16:57:11 · answer #3 · answered by Tara 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like he has a wiring problem. Some people are just that way and, never say never, but they usually don't change. He sounds like he wants an arraignment rather than a relationship and that may be all he wants. If it doesn't work for you, you have to decide what you want. Now, I have known people how are content with the husband going to work and when he comes home everything is done and dinner is ready. He has his job, she has hers. Nothing wrong with that if both are on board and happy. Is that what your husband expects? He may view your maladies as an inconvenience that is fouling up the plan, if so that's a shame.
2007-10-30 16:44:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump him NOW! I'd say you were dating my ex bf but I only finally got smart and dumped him a little less than a year ago. I was with my free loading a*hole for 7 years hoping that it would get better. (Ya think I would have learned my lesson being married to a drunk for 12 years b4 this one!) Everything was always a competition for him. If I had a headache, he had a migraine. If I had a stomachache, he had an ulcer. If I was hungry, he was starving. I bent over backwards for this guy and got NOTHING in return. It happened because I LET IT HAPPEN. And that's what you're doing too. There was a point in time where we could and should have said to our guys "hey, it's your turn to cook, clean, do laundry, whatever." And we probably did then sat back and waited for them to get it done. And when it didn't get done, we did it. And it was good. For them. Because they were then taught that if they didn't do what we wanted, they knew we'd eventually end up doing it. He's never gonna change. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life like this? I didn't.
2007-10-30 16:43:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Most men are like that. ...my dad, grand dad, uncle .....
I don't think leaving him or getting a divorce is a good idea.
what happened to the words.."For better for worse, for richer or for poorer, sickness & in health ..."
Unless ofcourse if he is battering you or some unspeakable acts.
Suggestions:
Have something to look forward to!
staying alone at home all the time will make you more depressesed each day w/c gathers all the negative energy to the only person you see (hubby).
Try to mingle with other housewives in the neighborhood.
Have a Housewives day out!
Help clean their house today and they help you clean tomorrow while mingling.
Remember, blaming it on your marriage won't help, there are lots of things you can do while being married!
Good Luck!
2007-10-30 16:53:25 · answer #6 · answered by jace 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You may feel that sometimes he can be like a security blanket for you because of your lupus. but, in a sense, you are a human being, just because of your illness gives him NO reason not to treat you with love and respect.
I do feel for you and I do hope that you can get the help you need to deal with this situation.
I can not tell you how or what to do in this situation because it is YOUR life but I can say that I would not want to be bossed around by someone whom I ' used ' to love just for them to be waited on hand and foot. They can get a Door mat for that !
I have NO sympathy for someone like him..
2007-10-30 16:49:35 · answer #7 · answered by simpleminded 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hunny, don't take that ungratefulness. If your not happy with him, tell him. If he refuses to change, leave. Trust me, you'll be much happier in the end.
2007-10-30 16:49:33 · answer #8 · answered by Silly Billy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i so agree with carl...he does take advantage because you let him love.
you have to stand up for yourself, let him know how you feel...but be prepared to take care of yourself, alone.
he may be doing this simply because he doesnt know how to handle your illness...some men..wont admit their shortcomings. but all in all ..talk first ..if that dont help ...sounds like you can take care of yourself.
good luck
2007-10-30 16:40:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh honey, I feel so bad for you. I'm sorry but he is a b******. He has no respect for you. I would tell him to help out or show him the door. You don't deserve that.
2007-10-30 16:31:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋