I have been married for 13 years and we have a child together. However within the last year, he has been in contact with an ex and talking to her when I am not at home. I have found things that says he loves her and vise versa. When I confront him, he tells me he will always love her and noone can stop that. He tells me the conversation occur when I am not home because that is the only time that he and she can talk. She is also married with children and from what I am hearing her husband has the same concern but I was told he had an affair and that is why she has to hide their conversations. When he is talking to her he acts differently towards me. The conversations revolve around her, and he is more touch feely with me. Am I making a big issue out of this or should I be concerned? I don't mind the fact they are talking but the I love you stuff and other things that are talked about to me is not right to say to an ex. Any advise would be helpful. Thanks!!!
2007-10-30 16:10:48 · 17 answers · asked by jbb 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to let your husband know that you feel uncomfortable. Why can't the 3 of you do things together occasionally?
Sounds like he could be hiding something if he only talks to her when you're not around... it implies he says things to her, or speaks a certain way to her, that he wouldn't necessarily feel comfortable doing if you were around.
If your husband loves you, he will acknowledge it makes you feel uncomfortable and maybe change his behaviour to make you feel more comfortable. Maybe he and she can talk at your place only while you are home... you don't need to join in the conversation, they can talk privately, but in an open part of the house, like the loungeroom, or backyard. These are places where there is a chance you could walk by on your way to the toilet or kitchen or wherever, but they still get their privacy. It would give you an opportunity to see that they are just truely friends, and it would build your trust and dissolve your concerns. At the same time it doesn't impact upon their friendship either.
There is no reason why they should not both be abosolutely comfortable with that situation. If he is uncomfortable with this, it means he has something to hide.
2007-10-30 16:26:22 · answer #1 · answered by violet 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You definitely are NOT making a big enough deal of this.
He is YOUR husband. You & he are married.
It seems that you are taking an awful lot from him. This is your choice.
He should NOT be talking to this ex at all. This conversation is evidentually affecting your marriage .. and the way your husband treats you.
This situation will not solve itself .. if it is allowed to go on and on. It will get bigger .. worse .. more frustrating .. tons of more hurt.
The thing about ALL of this .. is what you do about it .. if you want to do anything at all. It is your choice. You will either "take it" from your husband .. or you will NOT take it. This can also do lots of damage to your self esteem if you do nothing.
You need to think this out. Your heart is breaking .. but don't be governed by that. Your husband should be ashamed of what he is doing to you .. and for what he is putting you through.
If you take this from him .. he will not have respect .. and will probably keep on & on.
Only you can handle this.
The decisions you put into your life == determines your life.
You have every right to make a big deal of this .. because it is a big deal .. you all are maried.
2007-10-30 16:30:50 · answer #2 · answered by Tara 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is so wrong he has some major issues... If I was you I would cut the crap now with him.. Tell him that if he continues to talk to her like that than he is going to have consequences that he is going to half to deal with.. Do I think that you should be concerned... Yes I do I do not know how you and your husbands relationship is but I do know that if a man is on the phone with another woman besides his mother talking like that than he has some issues... I hope that you get it straightened out.. Oh just to let you know that I had an ex that did that to me and before I know it I caught them together at the bar together.. And when you already know a person intimately it is easier to do it again..
2007-10-30 16:24:30 · answer #3 · answered by brandy d 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to be concerned. He is having an affair of the heart - much more dangerous than a one-night-stand on a business trip (no, I am not condoning either type). This situation is unhealthy for your marriage. I suggest you read "Love Must be Tough" by James Dobson, set some ground rules and stick to them. Good luck.
2007-10-30 16:17:33 · answer #4 · answered by Kim 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is this an ex wife or ex girlfriend? What happened between them. I can understand always having feelings for someone, but it should STOP there. I would not tolerate my husband talking to his ex and it surely would piss me off if he was touchy feely with me after he talked to her. I would keep a close eye on them.
2007-10-30 16:16:36 · answer #5 · answered by Nicole L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you're making a big deal out of nothing and you have a right to be concerned but how do u know if he doesn't love her as an older sister. Try to get both sides and not just one okay.
2007-10-30 16:19:13 · answer #6 · answered by sabriabloom106 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just reading this makes me mad!! NO, your not making a big deal about it. I think you need to make things clear it's either you or her. I have an xbf that I care alot about,(we went thru alot 2 gether)(6 yrs) but I'm beyond happy w/my hubby & no no feelings towards ANY 1 would make me ruin what I have w/ my babe. This 2 me is a form of cheating & you should not put up w/it AT ALL!!
2007-10-30 20:50:06 · answer #7 · answered by caughtup 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only reason he should be talking to an ex, is if they had children together, if not, he shouldnt be talking to her at all. And him telling her he loves her. OOOH NOO. you shouldnt put up with that.u should ask him how he feels about his marriage, and tell him you wont accept it. i would be concerned. ur not making a big deal out of nothing, because it doesnt sound good at all.
2007-10-30 16:18:20 · answer #8 · answered by lilmomma86 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not wanting you to be aware or present when he talks to her indicates a feeling secrecy is needed.
Admitting he "still loves her" is his refusal to deny himself a chance to fulfill some urge he refuses to acknowledge is wrong.
There is a lot more but only a shrink can explain it
Call his ex's husband and tell him to put his wife on a leash.
2007-10-30 16:33:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
he has no business loving another woman when he is married to you. i would make him choose between the two of you because i think that is completely wrong. he shouldnt be rubbing his ex in your face then getting horny thinking about her and using you kind of like a doll of her. he also shouldnt tell his WIFE that he loves another woman. thats wrong and i would be very very concerned about this because who knows what else is going on while you arent home. i think thats something you cant let your kids see because you dont want to teach them that it is alright to do things like that.
2007-10-30 16:18:42 · answer #10 · answered by Gina 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋