My wife and I recently got into a arguement and to make a long story short. I found out that she lied to me and she had slept with one of the guys that I work with. This was before we were married and I know she didnt do it to me personally. But now I cant stop thinking about this and its ruining my thoughts of her all the time and I cant even lay in bed with her and not think about the things that happened. I dont know if im letting this bother me to much. I really need someone elses opinion. I totally fogive her for lying its just that I dont want to see her like that with another man and its KILLING me inside.
2007-10-30 15:26:05 · 25 answers · asked by Tim 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
hahaha ya right its not gonna leave ur head EVER I still see my hubby in my head w/ what he did and that was 7 yrs ago (b4 we were married as well)... So good luck w/ that and if by chance u figure something out look me up and let me know or maybe we should get it on and let them have the picture in their heads!!!
2007-10-30 15:32:28 · answer #1 · answered by NONAME 4 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Forgive me for saying so, but I think you are overreacting a little. It's not llike she cheated on you. It's likely that BOTH of you had sexual partners before you married each other, so it's really no big deal. How would you want her to react if her company hired an ex-lover of yours?
That she hid it from you is more important if you ask me. Maybe she knew you would react this way and that's why she said nothing.
Ask yourself two questions:
1. Do you love her?
2. Do you trust her fidelity?
If you answered yes to both questions then don't sweat it. You'll feel weird about it for awhile (and you have a right to) but time will heal.
Maybe you can try looking at it from her point of view. She's done nothing wrong, but probably feels awful. Tell her you need some time to process it, but that everything's going to be OK.
Good luck!
2007-10-30 22:41:30 · answer #2 · answered by a_niceguy_in_virginia 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If it was before you two got married, then you should let it go. Try to remember that she's with YOU now, and not him. The past doesnt matter quite as much as the present does. Im sure you've done some things in the past that you arent exactly proud of. Unless you were a virgin when you got married, you're being a bit hypocritical. Dont obsess over this. It will only strain your relationship with your wife. There's no reason for that. Also, she might have lied because she knew you would react badly. So try to talk to her about it and tell her that t bothers you. let yourself be reassured by her. Your wife is YOURS, and not your co-workers. Keep in mind you had relationships before your marriage too [unless you didnt]. Dont obsess.
Good luck.
2007-10-30 22:32:05 · answer #3 · answered by Melonball 5 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Just the fact that you are hurting shows how much you love her.It's normal to hurt.Even if it was before you two got married it's the fact that you love her today.I think that 's beautiful.Now on to how you're to deal with that hurt. First of all after the two of you have talked not argued I think you need to redirect the hurt and pain of the situation turn it into a positive prospective.Love on her like you've never loved on her before take her into your arms and focus on the fact that she's yours now and forevermore.I'm sure that she has already apologized for the wrong she's done and she to maybe hurting to see you hurting so much .All these things just goes to show how much the two of you really care for each other. I pray that a complete reconciliation takes place in this marriage and that you all don't allow the past to ruin your future together. BEST WISHES>>
2007-10-30 23:04:38 · answer #4 · answered by Man of Arms 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Stop dwelling over something you cannot change. It is her past, leave it alone. I am sure you have a past.
How will you and your wife have a future if you keep looking into the past? I'm sure you do not enjoy working with this person, but if you want a healthy work environment and a healthy home environment, you will just have to get over it and move forward. -That is the ONLY way.
You remind me of that guy in that movie called, "Office Space." If you haven't seen it yet, you should. It is hilarious.
Focus on your future and love your wife! -God Bless.
2007-10-30 22:51:20 · answer #5 · answered by †Evonne† 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm there at the moment. My partner of 7 years has just cheated on me with a co-worker (why is it always co-workers?). It does hurt. I have those visions in my head also, its very gross, you have a feeling of not wanting to go to the same place where your were caused all that hurt. All I can say is, that it does fade. The visions don't come as often, and when you think of touching them... over time it starts to feel safer and safer to do so. My partner looked diseased to me at first, but it began to fade day by day until he didn't look diseased anymore.
You have been hurt, you have been lied to, and your trust was betrayed. Give yourself time to heal, you can only do it one day at a time, but each day does get easier.
2007-10-30 22:51:00 · answer #6 · answered by violet 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The girl you fell in love with and married was the total of her experiences. She hurt you by lying to you, but she was probably afraid of your reaction. We learn from our experiences. She chose you, not this other guy. Would you want her to judge you from some of the things you have done in your past? Are there things you would lie about rather than admit? Love who she is right now. You can't change the past.
2007-10-30 22:47:50 · answer #7 · answered by the mazda mechanic 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
In my opinion it was just as wrong if she did it before you two were married if you were comitted to each other. She has a great deal of explaining to do and you two seriously need to get this all out in the open. I would let her know how your feeling. She shouldn't just act like it was nothing and just dust your feelings under the rug as if they don't matter. I'm so sorry for you!! Hope it gets better.
2007-10-30 22:40:20 · answer #8 · answered by 2sweet 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am the same way. I know it's immature and it sucks. My imagination runs away and I can't stop thinking of my fiance in bed with some scumbag, or knowing that another guy has knowledge of her entire body. It sucks, and the same thing happened to me that happened to you. We sat down and discussed everything we've done in the past, and you know what? Now that I know it, I feel better. It will suck if someone else's name ever comes up, though.
2007-10-30 22:34:05 · answer #9 · answered by guyitsover14 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Know it hurts and certainly can relate about the visualizing of them together. If only our minds would shut up once in a while, huh? I felt like you are for quite a while, but time did take care of it all ... the visions became dimmer, the mind finally stopped popping images of them together. You are still in shock over it and time is on your side; it will heal you. Remember, you are the one she married and it is you she loves. The past is over and done with; it is what you have now that matters.
2007-10-30 23:07:23 · answer #10 · answered by pussycat 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You have every reason to be angry,but if you want get over this and move on...you NEED to talk to her about it....first tell her what you have been going htrough and that it hurts you to know she was with someone else...but you weren't married at the time so she wasn't exactly cheating on you so give her some "credit" and ask her how do you get on knowing that...and i'm sure she will reassure you that she loves you and wants to be with you. good luck and don't worry.
2007-10-30 22:33:52 · answer #11 · answered by gurlie_gurl<33 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋