My boyfriend and I are most likely headed for marriage in the near future, however there is one problem. Neither of us wants children right now or anytime soon, but I would like to start a family by the time I'm 27 or 28 (im 21 now and my boyfriend is 29). He is pretty sure he never wants children because, although he is extreemly smart, he has a learning disibility that he is afraid to pass on. His disibility stoped him from graduating high school and caused him a lot of emotional pain growing up (he did get his GED, went to culinary school, and is now a successful chef.) I say that schools aren't as ignorant to disibilities now as they were when he was in school, and that people in general are more understanding of that sort of thing. Do you think that his fear is really substantial? What can I do? I want children someday but I want to have them with him.
2007-10-30 15:17:46 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If later on, you two do decide to get married, please make sure that, which ever way it goes, that you have worked out for sure whether you will or wont have children, before the service. Don't just assume that it will work itself out, or that if you "accidentally" fall pregnant that he will love it anyway. And if you can't agree on such a major issue, its best not to let it go that far.
2007-10-30 15:27:56 · answer #1 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that everyone has fears about their unborn children...especially if that person has a disability himself. It was probably harder for him growing up with that than it is for children today...so it does make it a substatial fear.
Should it stop you from marrying him? Only you can decide that. There is a chance that he could change his mind by the time you are ready for a child, however there is a chance that he will feel the same way...you never know how a person's views will or will not change. If that's a chance you're willing to take go for it. But keep in mind that if he does never want a child you went into it with your eyes open to that fact.
2007-10-30 15:24:06 · answer #2 · answered by Tina 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My partner has dyslexia, disgraphia and ADHD, he also dropped out of school, but he is intellectually gifted got his GED and is pursuing an honors degree in the sciences, but neither of us want children. Some people just don't want kids. If his learning disability is the reason, you can try to educate him and save money for a better school for your child, small private schools may be a better option depending on the disability, if it's even present, but if he truly doesn't want kids, you need to respect that and consider that maybe he's not the man for you. A man who wanted to be a father certainly wouldn't be the man for me!
2007-10-30 15:28:09 · answer #3 · answered by some female 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go for it.He may have a disability but he seems to have his act togehter.Good for him to not let a disability stopping him.Tell him that it is ok and if your children do get his disability so what you guys will love them the same.I wish you the best of luck you guys sound like you would be awesome parents
2007-10-30 15:23:12 · answer #4 · answered by what did you say 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, stop behaving like you are right and he is wrong and needs fixing. You have a difference of opinion. That's all. Sometimes you can't have your cake and eat it too. Be honest with him and let him decide what's right for him. If it doesn't suit you, marry someone that does.
2007-10-30 15:30:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
he needs to visit the special classes at your schools. OR you could always home school. BUT I feel thses special needs kids flurioush more with being around other kids.
It doesn't mean his child will be like him. Maybe it was something his mom was taking while she was pg.
Good luck.
2007-10-30 15:37:18 · answer #6 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should get genetic counseling and that would answer a lot of your questions and possibly eliminate some fears he may have.
2007-10-30 15:32:10 · answer #7 · answered by drewxjacobs 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either marry him and never have kids, or marry someone else.You cannot change him.
But do NOT marry him get pregnant and expect his feelings to change.He may end up demanding you get an abortion or he may leave you.
2007-10-30 15:25:05 · answer #8 · answered by Joe F 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋