my mom died on sept 12 she hasn't been gone that long?

Question

do you think it's fair that my mom's was boyfriend of 11 years is messing around with my cousin on my dads side which still called my mom aunt and even went to help make arrangements for her

Answer 1

It's typical of men to think they cannot live without a woman in their lives. It's wrong.

Answer 2

I'm sorry to hear about your mom. Whether or not your mom's boyfriend appears to be moving on too soon is impossible to answer without more information. If your mom was ill for a long time before she died, he likely did a lot of grieving and letting go before she passed. People grieve in different ways. Or maybe your mom and her boyfriend really weren't as close as you thought they were. You also can't be sure that your cousin and the boyfriend are truly 'messing around'. They may be just helping each other with their grieving processes---just spending time together isn't proof that they are romantically involved.

If your mom valued the relationship she had with her boyfriend then that is all that really counts right now where he is concerned. His moving on is no disrespect to her memory. What really counts is how he treated your mom while they were together.

Answer 3

11 years is a long time I guess. It was sweet that she helped with the arrangements. This probably helped bring them together. If she called your mom "Aunt", how much of an age difference is there? He needs someone now but this doesn't really mean they have already been messing around or even that they really are now.

Answer 4

Please make your question more clear. The grammar is unreadable.

As far as what I think your question is asking it seems like it is none of your business. Death brings out demons and we look to lash out and defend the "memory" of our loved ones. He's dealing with your Mom's death in a strange or manner. Also, it's your DAD'S side. There is no minimal relation here. This sort of thing happens all the time in small towns. (There are no details other than relations so my judgement on the above statement is very very general.)

You feeling the need to feel anything about the situation is the transference of your emotions onto a situation you feel you have some minimal amount of control over. This cycle will continue and you will never deal with your mother's death head on. Keep your eye on your own soul. Otherwise you'll find some other family issue to tear apart. It can start a cycle of destruction than can tear groups apart.

My advice...forget about it. It's not easy, but every time you even think about that situation you need to aggressively say to yourself the reasons you feel that way. You are not whole yet...you will not be for sometime. Mourning takes time, sometimes years. To lash out at relatives and friends is only going to make things worse.

Good luck to you and sorry for your loss.

Answer 5

First of all how do you know they are "messing" around? Some people just like to talk so before you jump on him make sure you know the Facts!! Second, everyone deals with death differently and maybe the two have them have just bonded through this tough time and there is really nothing happening between them. If they are for-real messing around they should be ashamed. It's really bad and I think I would confront the so called "boy friend" of 11 years to ask him how she can be replaced so quickly.

Answer 6

Everyone has a different way of going about handling problems and situations and even though it was only the 12th of september, sounds to me that your a person who needs alot more grieving time and that's only natural, because she was your mum. If it was your real dad that was doing this, well then it would be a different story, but its not. You have no hold or right to judgement him and only your aunt will know if he is worth it, or better off without him.
As for the other people here saying he must of been having an affair while he was still with your mum is QUITE SICK AND THEY NEED TO SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP THEMSELVES. THEY ALSO SOUND VERY IMMATURE. Please take no notice of them.

Answer 7

I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing your mother is such a sad thing to go through.

Regarding your question: Nope; doesn't sound fair. But everybody has their own way of dealing with grief. Some people choose ways that are healthier than others. What are you doing to deal with your grief? Concentrating on others' behaviors probably isn't healthy. Talking to a grief councilor would be a much better option.

Answer 8

First, i'm sorry for your loss.

Second, was your Mother sick for an extended period of time? Did your family know that she was going to pass? If this was the case, your Mother may have encouraged him to move on.

Third, was this unexpected? If so, sharing someone's grief creates a bond and that may have been how their relationship formed. This may be a rebound relationship for him but if he was with your Mother for that long, he is probably really missing her and needs someone. Not saying that it is right for him to be with your cousin but he is hurting.

Answer 9

i am so sorry for your loss taht is a huge deal. it is so messed up that he is already imposing on someone else. but he isn't part of yur life anymore he is not related to you. just forget him. i am truley sorry that he is being such a dirt bag in such a hard time. maybe he needs someone to help him through. maybe you could ask him about if (but only of you guys are close, if not then just leave him alone, that may be his way of mourning or something)

Answer 10

no im srry ur mom died mines been gone 10 years since i was six so i understand kinda but no its not fair at all god bless u and again i am very sorry but karma will happen i know it will <3 alley

p.s. HAPPY HOLLOWEEN