why do men think its ok?

Question

my husband when he is angry with me say that he has slept with another woman in the current one a female co-worker. He says its the only way to hurt me because I have not done the lying he has done about dumb things like not telling me he was eating lunch with his female co-workers for 4 months, has given people rides home. Tells me he doesnt tell me about it because I get to jeolous and i don't have to know everything. Well I beleive you should tell your spouse things that happen with the opposite sex because then there is no reason for lying, hiding and wondering what else is not being told. I tell him about everything so one he is apart of my life all the way around and he knows what I am doing and whom I am with. I am married him not anyone else. I care what he thinks of me so that is why I can't understand why he hides things or lies about them. I go sick of him saying that I made hide it or lie . That is blaming me for him not be honest.

Answer 1

Men think it's okay.. because they like to manipulate women.

He likes being in control, obviously.. and he obviously likes to make you jealous. Consider slapping him in the face a few times.. and not giving him anything worth getting at night. ;) Maybe that will straighten him out a little!

Answer 2

I have always been told, a person who has nothing to hide, hides nothing!! Your husband needs to put himself in your shoes!! Would he like you going out with other men to eat or sleeping with other men to hurt him??? What a load of s**t ! Sounds to me like he wants to lay the blame on you so that he doesn't feel so guilty about what he has been doing. I don't know if this has happened before but trust me, it will happen again if he gets away with it this one time. I have been there. Run straight out to your nearest attorney's office and find out what you should do. If it has been an ongoing problem you might wanna give divorce a try. Living alone is not really that bad!!

Answer 3

While you may want to work on your trust issues your husband should not be doing anything behind your back that he wouldn't do in front of you. Translation if he's not willing to give you all the details he shouldn't be doing it. Secrets and lies can destroy a marriage. So can jealousy. Also ask him how he would feel if you were eating lunch w/ a male co worker. If he gets upset ask him why he should be allowed to and not you.

Answer 4

Do you really want to be in a loveless relationship were your spouse disregards your feelings and disrespects you? What a hell of a punishment to do to someone? How could he just blatantly lie to you and not expect to get caught up with it? The problem I have is not with the husband but with you, allowing him to mistreat you and then withhold tiny details. I know there is nothing you can do personally to help aid him in telling the truth but you can hold him accountable for how he treats you or better yet leave his pathetic a**. Remember if you set high expectations for yourself then you will receive high expectations, but if you set low standards then that is how you will be treated. I knew this one guy who has been in several relationships and he told how he had this classy female that made him want to treat her with respect. Not saying that your not, but she let him know up front what she was about. No horse playing and stuff. He said what was different about her from the rest was she didn't accept his bull crap. Don't let your husband twist things around on you and blame you for his inadequacies. Hold him accountable.

Answer 5

Hun, stop torturing yourself! Guilty partners often project their bad behavior onto their partner and blame them. You have done nothing wrong dear. He should be honest with you. The reason you would be upset at the truth is because he is a cheater! I have been in that situation before with a man i lived with for 3 years. It's hard to get out of, but once you do, you will have a burden (his) lifted off of you. Good luck and stay strong...you deserve only the best (this includes respect)!!!!

Answer 6

Girl, unless you are an uncontrollably jealous person, I'd take a serious look into this. I am a great believer of following your instincts. You have no proof that anything is wrong, therefore, in order to make yourself feel better, I'd take a closer look at this. I had all the signs and chose to ignore them although it was a bright as day, and guess what, my instincts were right. I don't want to make you feel paranoid, but keeping your eyes open and not ignoring obvious signs is a very good idea in order to protect yourself.

Good luck.

Answer 7

Dear Jas,

You are correct! If a man is married then it makes him exclusive to you only and he should not be acting like he's single (dining with the ladies). It's called respect / self control! Yes I have fellow co workers who are women but I do not entertain them at lunch. They're co workers and that's it.
One who thinks it's purely innocent is lying to himself and immature. Best of luck!

Answer 8

He has insecurity issues about something. Probably not anything you did or even know about, but that's what it is. He blames you so he doesn't have to blame himself. He may also want out of the marriage but hasn't realized it yet.

It's not your fault, so please don't believe him. You both need marriage counseling. If he won't go with you then go for yourself. He also need to see a Psycologist. He'll deny that, but he does.

Answer 9

Not all men are like that.You both need counseling.If you are overly jealous then that will put distance between the 2 of you.If he is acting inappropriately then he is also in the wrong.

Answer 10

Your husband should be a politician. He has an excuse for everything and nothing is ever his fault.