Ive been married for 5yrs and just recently I found pop up letters and messages of other ex-and women writting him. We have had several arguements. Im tired but I love my husband. Do you think this marriage is really going to work?
2007-10-30 14:22:01 · 26 answers · asked by Momme 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Love is hardly the point. If you were to ask him, he would say that he loved you but....The 'but' is the issue. That's what you need to talk about and that's what you need to pay attention to. If you've had several arguements about it, that means that for whatever reason, he's not willing to consider or respect your feelings. Why? You need to ask that.
Love is a choice and since you said you love him, then you need to do the best that you can to improve the relationship, and I'm not talking about slipping on lingerie (tho' that might help). If lingerie was the main problem, we wouldn't be having this discussion, I don't think. Ask yourself, have I done 100% of everything I know how to do to improve my marriage? The day you can say "yes" to that question is the day you'll need to make a decision to leave or stay. Then you need to ask yourself "if you had endured lots of tears, trying and failing, counselling, advice, lingerie....to save your marriage and still nothing improved, would YOU stay with him?" The single life is not for sissies, but neither is marriage. When you're 90, do you want to regret your marriage or remember it with a smile and deep gratitude? Can you live with regret? Can you live alone for a while? Can you believe that love can happen again? Do you feel that anybody/somebody is better than nobody? These are questions you need to ponder for yourself.
Ultimately, this is your decision and your life and no matter what you choose, you're the one that has to live with it so make a decision you can live with. Good luck!
2007-10-30 14:41:28 · answer #1 · answered by miamor 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends on what was in the texting and emailing.
If it was risque, and he won't knock it off after you lay down the law on it, then, he doesn't take you seriously, and your idle threats mean nothing. You can love someone to death, but to be their fool forever is ignorant. Decide what you can live with and what you can't, and love him or not.....do what's best for YOU. If that's leave cuz he won't stop, so be it.
There are men out there that will respect you and not do things behind your back, and will CARE if they lose you or not.
The only thing worse than losing 5 yrs with a loser is losing 5 yrs and one day.
2007-10-30 14:27:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I get pop up letters and messages all the time from other women but I simply ignore them as he may be doing also, or I answer their questions and just talk to them a bit as I do other things on the computer and then ignore them when I am busy.
You need to just talk to him and if need be get counseling but if he is not writing them back, you probably don't have to worry, and perhaps not even then.
If you start to get paranoid and make a big thing of it when there is no reason to it can only make the situation worse, so sit down and talk to him and tell him how you feel. I hope it works out for you!!
2007-10-30 14:34:41 · answer #3 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not even gonna sugar coat this. I would be beyond p*ssed off and I would take it all out on his butt. That is soooooooooooooo disrespectful that he is talking to other women behind your back and you had to find the proof on your own. That is just all kinds of wrong. Love has nothing to do with this. Respect and trust are just as important in a marriage/relationship as love is. Without trust you have no marriage and the same goes for respect. Obviously he is trying to fill some kind of void in his life and he feels by talking to these women he is doing that. Whether it be emotional or physical it is still wrong. If he feels like his life needs something then he should turn to you for that and not other women. Remember, cheating doesn't always have to be physical. People have emotional affairs also but alot of times they lead to intimate affairs in the end. You have every right to demand that he cut off all forms of communication with these women. He is your husband and he took vows to remain true to you. If he feels like he needs someone or something else then let him go. I know it is easier said than done, but what kind of marriage would you guys have without trust. It is a miserable situation to always be scared that your spouse is cheating. My Gosh, it tears my heart out to even think that my husband would consider being with another woman and sharing himself with anyone besides me.........EMOTIONALLY OR PHYSICALLY! Tell your hubby that these relationships come to an end or your marriage comes to an end. I wish you the best. I know this is not an easy thing to deal with. God Bless.
2007-10-30 14:34:13 · answer #4 · answered by whatshername 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is that all he has been doing? One of the most common reasons for divorce is lack of communication. Talk to him, calmly and rationally and try to work it out; tell him you don't want him to text and emailing other women. If he is still unresponsive, you might try a separation. If he remains unresponsive, by which I mean he ignores your feelings and continues with these msgs, then you will need to start divorce proceedings. He must consider how you feel about this, and quite rightly so.
2007-10-30 14:29:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it depends on how far back these messages are dated. What they have written content-wise (flirty? come-on's? talking about past meetings or future meetings?) and what your husband has written in response to them (either he's said to them I'm married! or he's entertained the idea). When you question your husband about all this, does he lie???? or does he offer for you to have full access to all his emails? If he lies, he is hiding something that he doesn't want you to know. Your marriage will only work if he comes clean and lays out ALL his cards on the table. You could benefit from some marriage counselling or individual counselling if he leaves.
2007-10-30 14:39:44 · answer #6 · answered by violet 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What did they write? Was it derogatory? Did it look like something was going on? You don't say what it is you read. If it is forwarded messages, then lots of people do that, if it was messages that didn't say much, maybe they didn't mean much. Did you confront him about it? How did he react? You have to look at all these things. Look at your cell phone bill, it usually tells you how many text messages go back and forth and to what phone number. If your instincts are flagging you, then look into it. Don't start something until you are really sure, but don't ignore you instincts either.
2007-10-30 14:29:20 · answer #7 · answered by BluePassion 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No I don't think it would work. You might still love him but his mind is not on you, it's wandering. You can't make someone want to be with you and I don't think you would want to anyway. Do you have kids? if you don't it would be best to get out of the marriage before there are any kids to contend with. Once a cheater, always a cheater. The potential is always there. It might hurt, but you might thank yourself in the long run.
2007-10-30 14:27:10 · answer #8 · answered by lazycat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him about it and make it a safe place for him to be completely honest about what he's getting out of these txts and emails. Once you have that information, maybe the two of you can figure out a way for him to get that from you. My exboyfriend is happily married with a son and he still calls me from time to time -- but he keeps it a secret from his wife... We never meet up, and most of our conversations are pretty boring. It's very harmless. What makes it harmful is that he doesn't tell her and help her understand there is no threat to his love and devotion to her when he catches up with me. If it is possible that your husband is just chicken to tell you that he's having harmless conversations with people, then maybe you'll get relief from talking to him about it.
2007-10-30 14:50:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
what do the messages say?
otherwise if it's sexual or romantic
then divorce him
there is no more love ( at least from him )
and you cannot love someone who cheats on you
love protects one's self first
and as such will not tolerate cheaters or liars
as the self always comes first
once you are happy self then you can love another
this is a mistake many people make
they will go head first into a relationship in hoping the other person will love them back
when in reality they must like / love themselves 1st before any other
2007-10-30 14:28:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋