I NEED HELP WITH GRAMMAR SPELLING AND ANY THING I SHOULD ADD? COMMETS? THIS IS ON SC FI ESSAY FUTURE ON MY LIFE.
PLEASE CHECK PART 2
"Daddy, hurry up! I'm really late!!!"ok. here comes another day...
Hi I'm Eric Lee. I live with three children and my beatiful wife. I work in a BMW company, I'm a car designer and I love to play with my kids. I am 41 years old and yes I'm old.That's about it for myself.
So now, I want to introduce to my family. My oldest son, Matt, who is attending high school doing fine job in school he is a wrestler so I think he shows off a littile too much front of his girlfriend. But he's the one that I trust most in our family. He also plays flyball. We never had a sport called flyball. Well, it's 2041 everything is different. Anyway, flyball is very similar to football but you wear a mini jet on your back and you play in sky.
2007-10-30 13:55:33 · 19 answers · asked by ? 1 in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
"Daddy, hurry up! I'm really late!!!." Here comes another day...
Hi I'm Eric Lee. I live with three children and my beatiful wife. I work in a BMW company, I am a car designer and I love to play with my kids. I am 41 years old and yes I'm old.That's about it for myself.
So now, I want to introduce to my family. My oldest son, Matt, who is attending high school doing a fine job is a wrestler, but I think he shows off a littile too much front of his girlfriend. But he is the one that I trust most in our family. He also plays flyball. We never had a sport called flyball. Well, it's 2041 everything is different. Anyway, flyball is very similar to football but you wear a mini jet on your back and you play in sky.
just copynpaste it to microsoft i editied it for you!!
2007-10-30 14:00:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
"Daddy, hurry up! I'm really late!!!" Ok. Here comes another day...
Hi, I'm Eric Lee. I live with my three children and my beautiful wife. I work as a car designer for the BMW corporation, and I love to play with my kids. I am 41 years old and yes, that makes me old.That's about it for myself.
My oldest son, Matt, is a high school student and doing a fine job. He's a wrestler, and I think likes to show off a little too much front of his girlfriend. But out of everyone in my family, he's the one I trust the most. He also plays flyball. When I was his age, there wasn't a sport like flyball. Well, it's 2041, so everything is different. Flyball is very similar to football, but you wear a mini-jet on your back and you play in the sky.
*Edited a bit for spelling and grammar--which wasn't terrible to begin with--but also for "flow." It's a very good start though--keep going! I definitely want to know more about flyball!*
By the way, what grade are you in? Just curious.
2007-10-30 14:12:02 · answer #2 · answered by Darla 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is a good start. Talk about your future wife, we haven't heard about her yet (other than the fact that she's beautiful)! Officially introduce the audience to Matt's girlfriend and of course your other kids. Also write more about your feelings about your kids, your job, your wife... just life in general. How do you like the game of flyball? Do you think it is too dangerous for your kids to play? A good idea would be to write about why you trust Matt the most, and that means examples! Compare 2041 to 2007 - how is it different? What hasn't changed?
As you can see, there are a lot of things that you could do to expand your essay. Remember to answer any questions your audience might have. Nice writing so far!
Proofread Version:
"Daddy, hurry up! I'm really late!!!" Okay. Here comes another day...
Hi, I'm Eric Lee. I live with three children and my beautiful wife. I work in a BMW company; I'm a car designer and I love to play with my kids. I am 41 years old, and yes, I'm old.That's about it for myself.
So now, I want to introduce you to my family. (Or, introduce my family) My oldest son, Matt, who is attending high school, is doing fine job in school. He is a wrestler so I think he shows off a little too much in front of his girlfriend. But he's the one that I trust most in our family. He also plays flyball. We never had a sport called flyball back in 2007. Well, it's 2041; everything is different. Anyway, flyball is very similar to football but you wear a mini jet on your back and you play in the sky.
2007-10-30 14:09:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
"Daddy, hurry up! I'm really late!!!" OK. Here comes another day...
Hi I'm Eric Lee. I live with three children and my beautiful wife. I work in a BMW company, I'm a car designer and I love to play with my kids. I am 41 years old and yes I'm old. That's about me.
So now, I want to introduce my family. My oldest son, Matt, is attending high school doing fine job in school. He is a wrestler so I think he shows off a bit in front of his girlfriend. But he's the one that I trust most in my family. He also plays flyball. I never had a sport called flyball. Well, 2041 everything is different. Anyway, flyball is very similar to football but you wear a mini jet on your back and play it in sky.
2007-10-30 14:07:57 · answer #4 · answered by Chan A 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Daddy, hurry up! I'm really late!!!" (sigh) ok. here comes another day...
Hi I'm Eric Lee. I live with three children and my beatiful wife. I work in a BMW company, I'm a car designer and I love to play with my kids. I am 41 years old and yes I'm old.That's about it for myself.
So now, I want to introduce to my family. My oldest son, Matt, who is attending high school is doing a fine job in school. He is a wrestler and I think perhaps he shows off a little too much front of his girlfriend. But he's the one that I trust most in our family. He also plays flyball. We never had a sport called flyball. Well, it's 2041 and everything is different. Anyway, flyball is very similar to football but you wear a mini jet on your back and you play up in the sky.
Going well so far - just minor corrections.
2007-10-30 14:03:10 · answer #5 · answered by bluebell 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Far from perfect my friend, There are a few spelling errors but your main problem is lack of prepositions and pronouns. Anyway, pretty much sticking to your own wording, with a few small changes here is my rewrite with corrections.
"Daddy, Hurry up! I'm really late!!!"OK. here comes another day...
Hi I'm Eric Lee. I am 41 years old. I live with my three children and beautiful wife. I work in a BMW company, am a car designer and love to play with my kids. That's about it for myself.
Now, I want to introduce you to my family. My oldest son, Matt, who is a high school student, is doing a fine job in school. He is a wrestler so I think he shows off a little too much in front of his girlfriend. But he's the family member that I trust the most. He also plays fly ball. We never had a sport called fly ball when I was his age. Well, it's 2041 and everything is different. Anyway, fly ball is very similar to football but you wear a mini jet on your back and you play in the sky.
I took out the line that 41 is old because personally I don't think it's old.
2007-10-30 14:17:32 · answer #6 · answered by Sicilian Godmother 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Weel, it seems it sounds a little wierd when you say "So now, I want to introduce to my family.", I think it should be more like "So now, I would like to introduce you to my family." Next, you're paragraph about your son is a little scrambled so put realated things together. Example: "My oldest son, Matt, who is attending high school, is doing a fine job. In school he is a wrestler and he also plays flyball so I think he shows off a littile too much front of his girlfriend." In spite of that, he's the one that I trust most in our family. (try not to start sentences with "and" or "but") In my generation we never had a sport called flyball. Well, it's 2041 and everything is different. Anyway, flyball is very similar to football but you wear a mini jet on your back and you play in sky. Other than this you did a good job with spelling and everything else as far as I can see. Then again, I'm only in 10th grade, I"m not an expert.
2007-10-30 14:10:16 · answer #7 · answered by ldr0592 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is the proper spelling and grammar corrections.
"Daddy, hurry up! I'm really late!!!" Okay. Here comes another day...
Hi I'm Eric Lee. I live with three children and my beautiful wife. I work in a BMW company, I'm a car designer and I love to play with my kids. I am 41 years old and yes, I'm old. That's about it for me.
So now, I want to introduce to my family. My eldest son, Matt, who is attending high school doing a fine job in school he is a wrestler so I think he shows off a little too much in front of his girlfriend. But he's the one that I trust most in our family. He also plays flyball. We never had a sport called flyball.
Well, its 2041 and everything is different. Flyball is very similar to football, but you wear a mini jet on your back and you play in sky.
2007-10-30 14:09:03 · answer #8 · answered by Peaches D 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
"Daddy, hurry up! I'm really late!!!" Okay. Here comes another day.
Hi! I'm Eric Lee. I have three children and a beautiful wife. I work for BMW as a car designer. On my free time, I love to play with my children. I 'm 41 years old and that's pretty old.
In changing the subject, my oldest son Matt, who is attending high school, is doing a great job in school athletics as a wrestler. I know he is a bit of a show off in front of his girlfriend. But he's the one that I trust the most in my family. My son also plays flyball. We never had a sport called flyball.
Well, it's 2041 and everything is different. Anyway, flyball is very similar to football , but you wear a mini jet on your back and you play in sky.
-- I corrected the grammar usage for you, but your story needs to stay on one subject. You are writing in fragments.
2007-10-30 14:07:35 · answer #9 · answered by Agent319.007 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"Daddy, hurry up! I'm really late!!!" the sounds I wake up to this morning. It is the year 2041 and I am 41 years old. My job is car design for a BMW company. I live with my three children and beautiful wife. I love to play with my kids.
My oldest son, Matt, attends high school. He is a good student and athlete. He is on the wrestling team and likes to show off for his girlfriend during meets. He's a good boy and I trust him. He also plays fly ball. We never had that sport when I was a kid. It is very similar to football, but you play in the sky, propelled by a mini-jet attached to your back.
2007-10-30 14:04:38 · answer #10 · answered by Orendala 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋