What do you make of this? Women's insite?

Question

Background:

Found out wife was cheating. Big argument and, as she states in the following blog I threw a vase of flowers I bought for her in the floor. Her father called and left a threatening message on my voicemail same night she left, I called police and reported it. While police where there, wife and her father and mother show up at house, and she told police I threw vase at her. I was arrested and spent the night in jail. Now I found this:

Thursday, October 25, 2007

its my fault


i was lonley. i was afraid. i was scared. and i did something very stupid. i thought , if i cheat, it will make him hurt , just as much as i hurt. it would feel good!! not only would i feel justified knowing i hurt his feelings like he hurt mine, i would finally make him see that not only could i move on, but, he was replacable. i begged for counsling. prayed taht it will all get better.tomorow is another day, and he will pay attention to me. well, tomorow never came. but, i made a friend. some one who laughed at all the silly stuff i did or said. he always made time for me. made me feel special. told me everyday just pretty i was. but, it went too far. at the time it was just harmless fun. i was getting the attention i wanted, and i could still go home and be my husbands wife. then, my consious called. this is wrong. you took a vow before god to love , honor , cherrish and obey for the rest of your life. and because there is a ripple

in the quiet stream, you let your self get all caught up in the moment. you want to tell your husband . tell him how sorry you are . tell him excatly what you did, and you relize it was a huge mistake. could he ever forgive you?

he finds out on his own. this is the worst thing that could ever happen. not only did you cheat, you werent honest. you should have told him. mabey youd have a chance. hes angry. understandable. he has every right to be. he throws things. he scares you. your children are there, and they are scared too. why is this happening? you feel like everythings a dream. thats any secomd you will wake up. but, its not a dream. he does know, hes pissed. and he has every right to be. this is all your fault. you are ready to admit it. but, no one listining. i hope the right person sees this. everythings going to be ok.

There have been no other occassions of outbusts of this manner, ever. Frustration due to her not leaving the house I bought before we were married and the fact she was the one cheating lead to me throwing the vase in the floor.

I admit I have fault in the breakdown, and am willing to go to counceling with her.

Answer 1

i think she's being sincere... cheating is definately one of the hardest things to deal with. It seems she wants to stay together and that she loves you and knows that she made a mistake... but it doesn't exuse what she did. I guess the answer to your problem is up to you... trust is a hard thing to get back but is by no means impossble. Love is unconditional and unending. You should love through all problems and circumstances. What she did was wrong ... but i think she knows that. I would talk to her.. everyone makes mistakes. It's wrong but if you can forgive her then do it and then love her. Don't give her any reasons to need to get affection somewhere else. She should be able to laugh and play and feel loved by you and you only! Treat her the way she should be treated and this should never again be an issue. Forgive her and love her. Tell her everyday she is beautiful and what you love about her...it NEVER gets old. Everyone likes to have reassurance. Just becasue you are married doesn't mean the honeymoon should end! But i think she seems very regrettful for what she did and knows she was in the wrong. I think you two can make things work. Also no matter what be sure to tell the kids you love them. When they see parents fighting they too need to hear it!!

Answer 2

ok. so some drama went down..and u found some stuff that she wrote online. So now you got some thinking to do. Was what she wrote in her blog true? Did she ask for counseling, and all that? If she did did you ignore her? Where there some problems in your marriage already before she went of and got stupid? At any rate a lot is sitting on your shoulders right now. If what she wrote was true then yeah..she really messed up. But sometimes it can take messing up sooo bad to realize how much you love what you already have. or had. She was so wrong to you, and right now shes gone. Ae you asking for our answers bc you might want her back? If you do then you need to decide if you can truly move past this incident..a lot of the times people might say screw that and walk away, but its a lot harder to stay and glue the things back into place. But if you know that you cant truly forgive her then dont waste either of your time..because that is one thing you dont need popping back up everytime u have a fight..its too stressful. I know that a lot of people say once a cheater always a cheater...but that is not necessarily true. Also a good thing to know is that men and women cheat for completely different reasons. men cheat for reasons that are purely physical..they need a release...thats about the extent..yeah attractions invlolved but it isnt very deep. when a women cheats however, it is because she feels like she is missing something, and if she cant find it in the marriage, she looks somewhere else for it. Sometimes this is a conscience decision, like it obviously was with your wife, and sometimes women form new friendships with other men, that have nthing to do with lust or sex at all, but are still considered cheating. Its hard to say which is worse..i think there both pretty bad. Yall will need some serious mediation, some counseling a lot of love trust and FAITH...it sounds like she already knows she made the most awful mistake of her life. maybe there is a chance for the 2 of you. Im sorry to everyone else, but i am a FIRM disbeliever in divorce for any reason. Marriage is marriage, and it should not be defiled in any way. Hey man, good luck, i hope everything goes ok for you, whichever way you choose to go

Answer 3

Nope, you aren't wrong. People get busy and tired and just not "in the mood". I'm sure if you explain it just that way to your husband he should understand. Maybe you can schedule some alone time away together on a weekend without the kids. Hopefully your husband helps with the usual housework that needs to be done every day after you get home from work. If not, ask him to help out. If the kids are old enough, expand their chore lists to help you out a bit more. You don't need to do it all. There are other people in the house and they should be helping take care of the family as well. You could also hire someone to help with some of the chores around the house.

Answer 4

Wow where do I start? I suppose my first question is why did she want to hurt you so bad?? Sounds to me like a wife who was lonely & sad. I'm sure she gave you clues, but you didn't listen! Why are men so blind & death to an unhappy wife? However there is no excuse for cheating....She was very wrong for what she did to you, but it does sound like she is sorry. I personally don't blame you for throwing the vase! Actually showing emotion that you were angry & hurt are good signs that you still love your wife. I strongly suggest counseling, because you both need to resolve your issues & not in front of your children! There is hope for your marriage, but it will take time.....she will have to earn your trust. Some people cannot get over the trust issue. I'm not sure if I would be able to do it. I wish you the best- Good Luck!

Answer 5

No matter what goes down in a relationship, no matter how bad it gets or much she did wrong, you should never threaten someone you love physically. Sounds like she was truely sorry and really wanted to try and work things out, but you may have ruined any chance of that due to your behaviour. She said, "he throws things" which implies to me that you may have done it more than once, and on other occasions besides finding out about her infidelity. You both could benefit from some counselling, whether or not you get back toghether, it would be good if you could learn how to be friends in the future for the sake of your children.

Answer 6

That your wife feels unappreciated in your marriage and is hurt by it. Because of that she went seeking affection in another mans smile and laughter. She allowed herself to go too far and is very sorry about it. She understands why you are and were upset as you had every right to be. She doesn't understand why you have to be so scary when you are angry. Your whole family witnessed your outburst and now your kids are afraid of you. Please do not mistake fear for respect as these are not even in the same catagory. Your family should respect you not fear you. She desperately wants to save what's left of your marriage and knows that counseling is the only way to do it. Are you willing to own up to your share,1/2, of the responsibility for the failing marriage? If you are and you want to give it a shot then get yourself and her into counseling and do it fast. If you do not go to counseling then you are sealing the fate of the marriage and might as well file now for divorce as you will be headed there anyway. You both are at fault here. You both need to be in it if you wish to save it. She can't save it alone and neither can you. Good Luck.

Answer 7

why would you go to counseling for a vindictive, immature and cheating women?she has shown no redeeming qualities , who cares if she fesses up on a blog
start divorce proceeding and realize you married wrong
do not try to justify a wrong by going to counseling
learn from your mistake and move on

Answer 8

I agree she's got issues... but there is nothing you can do about her issues. Accept it. It is a fact.

You need to take care of your own issues! Now stop pitying yourself and get something done.

Good luck.

Answer 9

Man - all that crap really makes me appreciate how great my wife is! Think I'll buy her a present on my way home today now

Answer 10

Why did she want you to hurt so much? Seems she accomplished her goal.
Good communication skills are necessary in this relationship if it is to survive.