how do you heal from this marriage problem??

Question

only read if u give mature adviceand ready to read into long sad story. my idea of marriage was about trust and lots of love and atleast the other person is eager to be sincere about our relationship. i was arranged to a man and brought him to US. first everything was good. i loved him so much because he showed me so much love and i accepted him and was glad he was my hubby. even though we are arranged. i showered him with love and attention. after 6 months he moves to another city for job while we save money. so for those six months he was distant i felt like he is seeing variety of women in big city and he doesn;t think of my appearence same as before. i would call him cry about him not talking to me. he wouldn;t open up. sumthing wasn;t right. the way he talked loved wasn;t touching my heart, it was just watever. when i move in with him we fought every day . i would ask him to communicATE to me but it was goign nowhere. one day we fought and i was leaving for a week ...more details

and he was leaving the house to work w/o saying bye i had to literally beg and cry for him to be nice and say bye tome. when i come back i see all thses girls pictures online and myspace profile. him being single and etc. from that day its not the same with him. i just had a baby. he pressures me into everything. its like either we don't talk or if we do i have to say i love u to him . i just want to be on good terms until i am feeling the same for him. the myspace incident happend 5 months ago. everytime i am like forced into with im.i don;t want to have sex with him till i trust him and feel that he geniunly loves me. he doesn;t understand all this. i don;t think he loves me. otherwise he wouldn;t have been a jerk for all that time and when caught he started being so sweet but i can still see his nasty side coming out sumtimes. how do i handle this.

Answer 1

first of all my heart goes out to you because you thought you had the ideal marriage what god has joined together is perfect marriage what man has chosen sometimes is not the best. Because you have a baby doesn't meant that your marriage is suppose to shape up it means that you two need to sit down and talk things out. If not there is no way that this marriage will survive.

best of luck

Answer 2

First off, I think you heal from this by seeking therapy for yourself so that you can learn to see yourself for who you are. I mean you no harm, but crying and begging to a man who is already exploring other options (whether it be on myspace or someplace else) only makes a woman seem needy and it becomes a turnoff to them. Once you start feeling better about yourself, get a hobby that you enjoy and make new friends. Just because you have a husband and a baby does not mean that you need to lose your identity as a person. After you've done all of this, move on and find a new man who is worthy of you. Your husband doesn't sound like he loves you and I can't judge to say whether he did or didn't from the beginning, but once you find your own self, you may see a different side of him but it should be your own image of yourself that you should be concerned with in the long run.

Answer 3

Just like the the first answer said - he used you. It seems like he found a ticket to come over here, which by the way is the big thing now. He warmed up to you so he could learn the new culture. Once he felt comfortable he let go and never looked back. He still seems to finds you as a comfort zone because he has not left you. He is getting lost in his surroundings and not taking your feelings into consideration. There are times in our life when you have to weight the pros and cons. Do the good out weight the bad or vice versa. That would determine where things stand between you and your husband. You have to put your child and yourself well being first.

Answer 4

It could be that he cared about you in the beginning (when it's easy to care about someone else) but as time went on, he came to not care too much for you. Who knows why? It could be that he was just turned by another pretty face and if you had his child, you might have had your figure change with time. That's not your fault, but I think you can still handle it without getting upset with him. Because if you get mad and hurt for him not communicating with you, then it's just going to send him deeper and deeper into anger and frustration.

At this point I don't know if there's anything you could do to make him see that you still care for him. If he's already checking out other girls on MySpace and posting himself as Single, then he might have started fooling around behind your back. If this is the case, would you want him to stick around?

I don't see there being any problems with arranged marriages, but I'm sure they need work just like any other relationship. If he's willing to try, then you might benefit from some counseling, or at the very least setting up some ground rules for both of you. Find out what upsets him most about your relationship and what it would take for him to think of things as being good. Then work on those things--don't just give him what you think he'd want.

I can understand that you don't want to have sex with him until you feel like he's trying and cares about you...but you also might have to tell him what that means. Otherwise he might get very frustrated that you're not having sex with him and he's trying to make it better.

Answer 5

I think your first mistake was to enter in to an arranged marriage. The second was to think that after a short while you can have all the love of the other person and have him fulfill your expectations. Maybe he felt that you would fulfill his expectations too and once you didn't he looked elsewhere. So, if this is an arranged marriage, what happens if you split? if you have to stay with him, suck it up and look for your own happiness. Obviously he's doing the same on myspace.

Answer 6

Hunny, he wants it all , you for home life, marriage, kids, and them his frosting the others people in his life, if he doesn't included you in his life about work, friends, going out together, he is hiding something. What you need to do (cold shoulder) you stop talking to him, wait for him to talk to you, stop crying, he is not a heartfelt person of this would bother him. Make all you answers to him short and to the point. You need to worry about yourself and your baby, good luck.

Answer 7

I think he used you.
A one sided marriage is no good.
You should find a man that really loves you.

Oh yes, makes sure that he pays child support if you should decide to leave him. Spouse support also--he will have less money to spend on his new friends.

Answer 8

Its time for family therapy. If he won't go, go alone. If this doesn't work, see an attorney, its time to bale out.

Answer 9

send him back... The bum has no right for your love... He has been messing around and will keep doing it good luck and I wish you love