You're gone
so long
why did you have to go
not right
all wrong
time is moving so slow
at classes
i mope
all is black as a crow
time passes
i hope
a new light will show
i flit
i hate
i'm feeling so low
i sit
i wait
for what...i don't know
2007-10-30 10:44:58 · 14 answers · asked by Miss Sunshine 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
It's good!
But the 3rd verse doesn't sit quite right though, you lose the flow, maybe try reworking/rewording it.
2007-10-30 10:54:42 · answer #1 · answered by violet 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not big on poetry, but it sounds pretty good. I don't remember what pattern your using from school, but if it's just one you made up then my only problem is that in the last two stanzas on the last line, you went from 6 syllables to 5.
2007-10-30 17:59:03 · answer #2 · answered by Dalton 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really like it. The "black as a crow" part is kinda off beat. Maybe take out the "a".
2007-10-30 17:49:37 · answer #3 · answered by Abby B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
BRavo!! Not only a unique poem.. its LITERALLY eye candy! I like poems and shorts that VISUALLY look tasty before you read them.. That's how they SELL the books you know!
2007-10-30 18:00:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is B-E-A-utiful.
it relates to me sooooo much. and for the person who said it was emo, its not. i just explains how normal people feel when people they love dissipear. and believe me i kno. i have been through it and going threw it right now.
keep writeing
~totaly in love~
2007-10-30 17:56:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you got some talent there. Keep it up.
2007-10-30 17:51:13 · answer #6 · answered by R. Media 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its good could use a little work but i like
2007-10-30 17:56:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like it deep and cool love it
2007-10-30 17:48:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not bad...loose the emo *#&* though
2007-10-30 17:48:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow i like it. the way it flows. its nice =]
2007-10-30 17:48:37 · answer #10 · answered by lost in a haze 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋