Im not saying im a perfect husband but the only thing that im proud of is i never cheated on her no matter how rough we been through i've been there. Recently i felt sadness while i'm working i don't know why? so when everytime im sad the only person that i talk to is her. i've never dream of it or think of that till now. i still don't believe that she'd done that. so i confronted her she admits it but asking me to choose whether i stay with her or leave her. because i was shocked to loss her the only person that i have in my life i was begging her to stay with me. I've ask question she said it's been 4 months they been seeing each other they only have intercourse once that's what she said. ask her was it someone close to us where does he live does where does he work how many times meet etc .her answer is so limited. i forgive her. the next day i woke up like i don't even know that it really happen so when it haunts my memory i burst to tears. i could'nt believe it. i been looking on her stuff like i don't use to do. i've find out lot's of receipts stuff that she never usually have she's changed alot from clothes to intimite lingerie so everytime were at home i keep asking questions was he good than me sex romance and appearance.
it just burst like that i couldn't control my jealousy so it when on and after that about 2 1/2 weeks i've recieved her mobile bill from our mail seen it she still communicating with the guy whats worst is 5am in morning was the earliest call that she made 4 calls a day to him.whilst that she wouldn't make an effort to call me like that i am jealous to the bones. so that's it i've confronted her again i told her tell something that i don't know are u in love with this person why u call her in such time she reply i was just saying hi which is totally wrong clearly wrong whatever she is planning with that guy probably got interrupted by me well thats it and that's that. what i think for her to do all of that effort is suicidal why because we got married in a country that never offers divorce and were still filling our citizenship for our adapted new country.A have a good hunch after the incident i've destroyed her mobile after i've first discovered the affair she bought another one and kept it where she works just to keep in touch with this guy what shock me the most of her answers at first were revised lies
so i said to myself to hell with it if thats what she really whats in her life so be it i won't stand in her why. but she said im sorry the she wants to spend the rest of her life with me that she love me. she cryed like i've never seen it before. which made me very confused. so no matter what im vigilant towards her until the guy will stop his interest to my wife and find another life to destroy and then i'll know whats gonna happen next that's the right time to decide... what worst is she just told me this guy doesnt have a permanent job more of an happy go lucky i've called him twice but he replies rudeness towards me and doesn't give a damn about my wife.where is he when i was furious and almost beat her did he think of the consequences like he will ruin her future. i was just trying to know if this guy is intention to my wife.
it clearly shows that she was just played by this fool. influence her to commit more lies and deception drown her more. I've ask her so many times why did she do this to me she answer very shallow answer like "you were not there" "where always fighting" is that it? how about is she content over me or she looking for somethingelse? now im thinking was it something in her past that still haunts her i told her if she would tell my everything i would understand and live with it what important is our family but still if she cannot adress this things to me his husband her problem will eventually arise again someday im thinking to myself she has problems mentally physically... I don't know how many times i told her that i will never betray her i don't want to lose her that no one can replace her if we have to move somewhere else just to have a fresh start i'll do it .i love her so much i desperately need your advice and expierence but will she change?
2007-10-30 09:58:27 · 17 answers · asked by hes_a_spank 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I admit that we didn't get along well i was stubborn and very controlling and i heard rumors from my friend that i should stay away from her before that she was seeing someone when were just bf /gf she marry me because i got her pregnant we were so young back then. i ask her about it went for months years till I've totally forgotten it but she never tell me anything. When went overseas she became hardworking dedicated and responsible we became so busy that the only time were both at home we were at bed sleeping or at our day off doing home chores sometimes arguing so it when on till now this affair came.
2007-10-30 14:00:26 · update #1
If she is SINCERELY sorry, she will change. I cheated on my husband when we were first married. At the time my husband and I were not getting along. I was so stupid, I thought I was "justified" in what I was doing. In reality I was just caught up in how good the other man made me feel. He had me believing I deserved "better" than what I had. Long story short, we've been married for over 9 years now and although there have been opportunities to cheat again - I never did. I knew it wasn't worth all the drama we went through. I knew that the one I cheated on him with wasn't a reality. Sometimes a person has to lose - or almost lose as in my case - someone before they realize how special they really are.
2007-10-30 10:18:39 · answer #1 · answered by gatsgrl 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hello,
I am truly sorry from the bottom of my heart. You guys definitely need family counseling, it seems that there are some issues from both sides.
I am not professional but it sounds like you not only love her but see her as kind of prize that you won't be able to win again. Do you feel she is higher than you??? and find out what was the main reason she married you for and what interested her in this guy? you can move to another planet but if she lost interest in you and this life she will find a way to leave it again, Do you have any kids??? what is her reason of still staying with you and being with someone else? If they slept together once why did they stopped??? if they realized that it was a mistake why are they still talking??? You don't talk to your friend at five in the morning to see how they are doing, specially opposite sex. Don't set yourself up for more disappointments. Be serious about family or couple therapy if she really is sorry and wants to stay with you and change she would jump right in to it, if not then you have a very serious soul searching and decision on your hand. Good Luck and God bless.
2007-10-30 10:39:26 · answer #2 · answered by Megan P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry you are in such a difficult situation. There is no need for you to contact the man your wife had an affair with unless it's just to tell him to not longer have contact with your wife. You need to talk with your wife and tell her that you are willing to give her another chance (if you want to) but she has to immediately cut off all ties with that man and never talk to him. Also, if she continues to give you such short answers and act as if she doesn't care then you need to just leave her because it's obvious she doesn't want to fix the relationship. You must be stern in telling her that it's either you or him and as of this day, she can no longer have contact with him.
2007-10-30 10:09:47 · answer #3 · answered by Madison 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1.What's changed? I think we all change as we grow older. In a marriage I think you become more aware of things about your spouse than when you were dating, rather than just a person changing. 2.Has either of them changed? Not really a great deal. When we married I was working fulltime and now I am a SAHM! That it in self was a major change in our relationship. He hasn't changed that much as a person. The biggest difference is that he started spending more time with his hobbies than he did when we were dating. 3Why do you think They changed. I hope it is because he is seeking a balance in his life and not because he was tired of spending ever free second with me. We have a strong relationship so I am alright with it.
2016-04-11 03:29:59 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I don't think your wife will change. She went through alot of trouble to get another phone so she could call this guy. And, why are you calling this guy??? It doesn't matter what his intentions are towards your wife. You should ask yourself, What are your wife's intentions towards this guy??? He is not making her call him. She is cheating on you. She is doing this on her own free will. You will continue to be miserable if you let her do this to you. She knows that you got married in a country that doesn't like divorces. She is using this against you. Don't let her do this to you.
2007-10-30 10:14:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
We are not created to judge isn't it. Every person can change as long as she has the determination to change. Total repentance is what your wife needs. You're such a nice guy and a nice husband. Am sure your wife see that.
2007-10-30 10:55:20 · answer #6 · answered by JHAN-JHAN s 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you.
I definately feel the both of you need some marriage counseling. If she refuses to go to counseling with you, she obviously does not want to work at the marriage, and the marriage is already over.
I feel you could benefit from some psychotherapy for your own personal development and growth, regardless if it works out or not with your wife.
2007-10-30 11:48:38 · answer #7 · answered by Jeannie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Boy what a mess.
If you do love her and she is sorry--I would give her another chance.
It will no doubt be very hard to do.
Just don't ask for any more details---drop the matter.
2007-10-30 10:10:47 · answer #8 · answered by Fred F 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry but I don't think she will change. Once a cheater always a cheater. Besides you deserve better than that! Noone deserves to be cheated on! Let her go and one day you will find someone who will truly love you and won't cheat on you!
2007-10-30 10:04:28 · answer #9 · answered by faith 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
good God, that's too long.
I read only your first question, and this is my answer to your first question.
1. People don't change.
2. People change when it's too late
2007-10-30 10:03:10 · answer #10 · answered by ron-D 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋