Is it wrong to put a loved one in the nursing home if your having a difficult time caring for them?

Question

My mother is struggleing trying to take care of my grandmother its very hard on her.My grandmother gets up in the middle of the night when no one else is up. and she cant really walk and she has fallen many times. she lays there untill someone finds her.My mother is stuggleing with this situation, she feels like she should care for my grandmother untill she dies. She recieves no help from any of my aunts and uncle.they all live out of state. They were at first all against my grandmother going to a nurseing home but one of my mothers sisters just came up here to visit, and she told my father that it was time for my grandmother to be put into a nurseing home. My mother feels guilty just thinking about It, but I dont think it's fair to my mother to be takeing all of this on her own shoulders and it is starting to take a toll on my mothers health.

Answer 1

I know what you mean seriously!! My grandmother lives with my parents she has dementia and is ALOT to handle!!! She only has my dad, mom, me and one cousin who help with her, My grandmother does need to be put in a home because she makes it so hard on everyone not that she can help it but it extremely stressful on everyone. My mother just cant because she is afraid they will not take care of her and she feels she should take care of her till she dies too. It has defiantly put a strain on things. The rest of our family does not care what is done with her its a shame. It is not wrong to want to put them in a nursing home, its just expensive and you really really never know about the care be given to your loved ones. At the end when she does pass people often look back thinking if THEY were only there, there might have made a difference or if they were with us instead of there it would have made a difference. I wish you and your family the best of luck it is a huge responsibility.

Answer 2

Of course it isn't wrong to put her in a nursing home. That's what they are there for.

Your mother may have a commitment to her, but even still, she has her own life and health to worry about. Nursing homes will be sure your grandmother is taken care of..it's their job.

Your mother needs her health, believe me. I'm only 18 and have to be treated for some of my health problems that were caused by STRESS. Stress can and will take a huge toll on your body -enough is enough. If she's really getting that bad, she ought to put her somewhere safer, it's the best for both of them...before they both end up needing help.

Answer 3

Your mother needs to look after her own health, as you said. The fact is, very few of us have the medical training, physical or emotional strength to care for an aging or incapacitated loved one. Your mother has nothing to feel guilty about; she tried to do it but it is obviously too much for her. And dangerous for everyone in the household. The best thing at this point might be to just visit a nursing home in the area and speak to the social worker. They deal with this on a daily basis, whereas the situation is new for your family. You CAN get help.

Answer 4

There comes a time when we can not give our loved ones the care they need. It sounds as if your mom has taken it further then most people do these days. It also sounds as if it is getting to the point where it is becoming a hazard to your grandmother. We went through this with our grandmother this summer. We wanted her to come live with us. Didn’t realize just how bad she had desterilized. But when we saw her and she couldn’t speak English anymore we new it was time for her to be in a nursing home. Not that we like it. And yes we do feel like we are letting them down. Sigh.

Answer 5

Well, I understand where you are coming from because my family had the same issue. We took care of Grama until Medicare threatened to discontinue her insurance if we did not put her in a hospice. (hardest decision ever)

Teach your Grandmother how to pick herself up by using sturdy objects nearby if she can.

We hired people to help take care of her but it is really hard to find someone who will do a good job.

I hate nursing homes but that is my opinion, if you can find a great assisted living center that is actually humane, then maybe you can talk to Grandma about that. It is her decision also. Just don't forget about her, that would be her worse nightmare.

Keep in mind this is your mom's mom. So, she needs to know that she is being well looked after. I suggest hiring someone who can live there with you.

Good luck and love Grandma while you still can!

Answer 6

I think you should consider what your grandmother's feelings are. Of course, your mother shouldn't do anything that she doesn't want to, and she sounds like a genuinely caring person, but nursing homes aren't necessarily bad. They can recieve the kind of care a whole facility can provide, and it is entirely dependant on the person on how guilty they feel. I mean, if you visit your grandmother loads, and recognize her as part of the family nothing is as bad as it may seem.

Answer 7

I always told my mom and dad i would never put them in a nursing home, because they brought me into this world and i will be there when they went out.. But under the circumstance you are speaking, its better for your Mom to but your Grandmother into a nursing home because its taking a toll on your moms health..Just beware that some nursing homes are bad, so make sure you do a good research on the one you wanna put her into..Good Luck and your mom shouldn't feel guilty ..When my parents died i was only 20..

Answer 8

well, i told you about my grandmother in one of my answers to your questions. she was actually placed into the nursing home. frankly, my mom couldn't care for her. it's not wrong. but, make sure that you find a good nursing home. don't forget to visit her frequently. my mom would visited her every other day. sometimes everyday. make sure you get to know the nurses and even bring in treats and whatnot. if you do, they will more likely go the extra mile to take care of your love one. i'm not going to lie. nursing homes are depressing. it's extremely hard to see so many sick people. it's hard to go one day where they could drink and then the next day they can't even do that. but, your grandmother will understand. she wouldn't want your mother to put her health in danger. it's ok to get help. if or when she goes on hospice care, they will provide extra care for your love one. they visit routinely. always keeping taps on the nursing home to ensure they get the best care. once again, i'm sorry you have to go through this. try to provide support for your mother. she will need it. but, don't forget to take care of your needs as well.

Answer 9

have you ever heard of hospice?? hospice is a great alternative and much better than sending your loved one to a nursing home...with hospice a nurse will stay at your residence 24 hours a day (or as needed) and help your grandmother with anything she needs (bathing, eating, cooking, cleaning, etc.) tell your mother she should not feel guilty, this is something that every family has to deal with and unfortanately there is nothing she can do about your grandmothers health deterioration. it is not fair to your grandmother that she is not getting the care that she needs.

Answer 10

It is important that your grandma goes where she will get the best care...it doesn't sound like your mother is able to do that for her. For both of their sakes, I think she should go to a nursing home. Just make sure to do your research and get a well-respected nursing home. Visit her often and if she makes any complaints about the way she is treated, take it seriously and make sure she is being treated properly.