me and my hubby slit up in may 07 he walked out on me went with someone from his work i stopped him seeing the kids cus he would only c them when he wanted to and still does dont want him around me or the boys am i being selfish and do i as their mother have the right? i have now meet someone and hes so good with the kids also the kids are going off their dad alittle cus they dont get to c him as much as they would like to ifeel like a bad mum at the moment am i ??
2007-10-30 09:28:49 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If your kids' father is expressing a desire to play a parenting role, you have NO right at all to bar him from their lives. If he's never done any harm to them (and walking out on YOU doesn't count -- I mean physical,sexual, etc abuse), then there's no ground for you to stand on with regard to preventing visitation.
He has a right to be their father, and you have an obligation to those kids to let them know where they came from. If THEY decide when they're older that they don't want to have anything to do with Dad, that's THEIR business...but you cannot decide this for them -- or their father.
2007-10-30 09:38:50 · answer #1 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why are you both dating? That,s the big question I have? I mean come on lady, you have children and you just broke it off with your hubby in may of 07 and you are already dating? Simply amazing to me, wow, cant you give these kids a little time before you jump from the fire into the frying pan? Your parenting skills or lack of them, are disturbing, not to mention selfish. Do you have any idea the distruction and confusion you are bringing into these kids lives? So my concern isnt over the fact that you are controling your kids by not letting them see their father, its the fact that you met a man, and claim he,s so good with the kids, by the way, all men are great with kids at first, lets see how he is in two years up the road when the initial newness of the relationship wears off, and it will, then lets see how prince charming fairs. I know, your thinking whats this chick know about me and my new honey? I tell ya what I know, I know that studies show and prove that children who come from broken familys dont excell in life as well as a intact family does, and then you add the new boy-toy on top of this and what you have are children who fail in school, children who suffer from depression, children who turn to alcohol and drugs, etc. So If I were you, Id stop thinking about your own selfish needs, and start looking at whats best for these kids!
2007-10-30 09:57:00 · answer #2 · answered by penelope 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are trying to turn your kids off of their dad, you say that they don`t see him, is that because you are making it difficult for him to see them?, you would be better if you would encourage him to see the kids and let them have a proper relationship, otherwise in the future they may blame you because their dad is not in their lives, if he fails them, then you would be the one who they respect the most, he has a legal right to see his children unless there is a likelyhood that he will harm them in some way and that would be decided by a court, I would imagine that you are feeling pretty hurt at the moment, things will get better when you do not feel so betrayed, things may or may not work out with your new man but at least you have someone to enjoy a relationship with and with any luck your husband leaving could be good for you in the long run, either way, please don`t use your children as a weapon against your ex, I really do hope things work out well for you, you only get one life, enjoy it as best as you can.
2007-10-30 09:56:22 · answer #3 · answered by GOD 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you 2 divorced yet? If not he is not your X yet. So until the divorce is final and the judge say's different and papers are signed you really can't stp him from seeing the kid's . He still has rights until the papers are signed. I know what I am talking about this is my 1st marriage but I was with somebody for 6 years and by law he had the right to see the kids unitl the judge said different. Now if the judge says he can't see the kids which is a 50/50 chance then so be it. But no you have no right saying he can't see the kids. If your still married that is. If not what do the court papers say?ABOUT HIS SEEING THE KIDS ? If the courts say he can you can get into deep trouble for keeping them from him.
2007-10-30 09:40:51 · answer #4 · answered by dollbaby2407 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's picking and choosing when he sees them, instead of there being a properly planned agreement in place which he has to abide by.
You have every right to be angry with him over the cheating, and to be upset that he has chosen to see the children as he pleases.
However the children are the ones who are stuck in the middle of this.
Go to mediation and set up dates and times for he and them to meet away from you and your home. There are services that can arrange this for you. If he still can't find the time then that's when you can put your foot down and say it's too much emotional upheaval for the kids.
Kids need their Dads, even if it is only for two hours once a week. And mediation will sort that out for you, hopefully.
2007-10-30 23:10:30 · answer #5 · answered by Sun is Shining ❂ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a woman, I can understand you being hurt and bitter about the situation as well as wanting to protect the children from the harm their father's actions is causing, but you do not have the right to keep him from seeing them. You do have a right to your feelings. If you don't want him around you maybe he should pick up the kids through a third party (a close relative).The best way to deal with this is to take it to court and get visitation set up. Don't talk badly about your ex to or in front of the children, instead allow them to see things for what they are and come to their own conclusions about it. Also don't use the children as pawns or put them in the middle of a grown up situation.
2007-10-30 09:57:36 · answer #6 · answered by Test 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Loads of people have answered this question and I, like many of them, are in the same boat as you. If you want your children to continue to love and respect you you MUST do everything in your power to ensure that they see their father on a regular basis and that these visits are pleasant for them. I know how hard this is because you want to hurt him as he has hurt you, but please don't do it through the children. You love them, so be aware that a good relationship with their father is so important to them growing up to be well-adjusted adults. This new man - how long have you known him? - will NEVER be their father. Just imagine it was your mum and your dad and you'll understand. Doing the hard thing now will reap the big returns in the long run.
2007-10-31 12:50:37 · answer #7 · answered by clio 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well for starters you a good person or you wouldnt be asking the question. I am a father of two and I will tell you that in the long run your kids,you and your x husband will suffer as a result of not letting him see the kids. I understand you anger about him only wanting to seem them as its convient to him but I can only assume that he is young and will grow out of that. Keeping them from him helps what???? nothing as long as he is a good dad when he is around allow him to be around ...You will see that in the future this will be better for all. I also feel that unless there is abuse or somthing of that nature that no one has the right to keep there kids away from there parents ..mom or dad....The person you meet is a good person from what you say but will never be able to replace the blood flow of a real father as that is in our genes ...Good Luck
2007-10-30 09:51:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you are, sorry.
I know that you are angry and hurt, but as you can see, because deep down you know it's not fair on the children, that's why you are feeling that bad.
They have the right to see their dad;
Yes, he did wrong by all of you; You and them.
But, he still wants to see them, love them and they him.
So, please, do let them make up their own mind; Don't manipulate them. They need him.
If and When they decide by themselves that they'll feel better by not seeing him, then you can intervene; But just now, don't do it; You'll mess their heads up.
He'll always be their dad, no matter what.
Don't make things worse than they have to be.
Be strong and take the phone and arrange with him to see his kids.
You are happy now, so, that should help you be stronger; And remember never to use your children to fight your battles. You are there to protect them; To do what's right for them, even when it's hard for you.
I do understand how you feel, I've been there myself, even if not for the same reasons, but I finally understood that my children's happiness had to be my priority.
Do the right thing.xxx
2007-10-30 11:41:47 · answer #9 · answered by Kc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi,you as the mother have no right at all to stop the kids from seeing there dad.you went and fond somebody so did your ex but the kids cant go and find them selfs another father.Let the father see the kids when he wents to if the kids start to hate you for not leting them see the father when it was the father who didnt wont to see the kids way take the blame for him.let your ex make the mistakes
2007-10-30 09:53:39 · answer #10 · answered by rani 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋