My husband doesn't think I do enough housework. How do I get him to see that I do alot already?

Question

My husband and I both work full time. We have a 5 year old child. He insists that the house is not clean enough, and has asked me several times to do more. I honestly don't have time to do everything. I started a business with a family member, and I spend alot of time on that. When I get home, I spend time with my child, and do whatever I can. His schedule is a lot more flexible than mine. He is off two days a week, just like me. But whenever he does some housework, he points out that I am not doing it. I feel like I am being pulled in several directions and there is a lot of tension between us. We have not had relations in 7 months, due to the stress between us. I don't know if he is just picking on me because I am not having sex with him, or if I am being lazy and need to clean more. Maybe I need to stay up later than normal and try to get more done. Please help.

Answer 1

Seven months?!!! ...Are you guys really husband and wife or just two roommates?

Answer 2

When a woman as a full time job and a family is is very difficult to do everything to perfection. When I worked I did some housework every night , laundry and ironing while I watched TV, soon I got home from work after picking up the kids from the sitter I started supper and threw the wash on , everyone as a way of doing things ,but if your husband is complaining it must be pretty bad! So you must try to get organized. You said that have started a business with a family member and that's fine ! But I am sure that you can tell the family member to mind the business for a few hours until you do some chores , even if you give the house a really good clean up once a week ! you can do all the rest in the evening and you wont feel so stressed out. If you don't your relationship will take a turn for the worst and by the sound of things you need to improve right away!

After reading all the advices that you got, very few are going to help you solve your problems, in my opinion any men that like his wife to work bring an extra pay check home should at least give a hand around the house or just look after the kids while the wife is doing house work.

Then we need to look at women that thinks that they can have it all in life! Sorry ladies this doesn't exist! at least not in the real world. You can either have a career or the perfect nuclear family that existed a long time ago, if you cannot do your house work and make enough money to pay someone ,then hire a maid or Nanny to take your place , just don't try to bite off more then you can chew! Because there is a price to be paid at the end of the line!

Answer 3

It is hard for men to get out of the 50's mentality that women do the housework while the men have careers and mow the yard. Sit him down and have a heart to heart conversation. The key to any succesful relationship is communication and give and take. Explain to him that you are overwhelmed and our trying your hardest to be a good mother, wife and business owner. Tell him if he has a higher standard for the way the house is to be kept that he is going to have to help more. My husband likes to cook so I clean the kitchen. My husband hates doing laundry and I hate doing the bathrooms. Therefore, he does the bathrooms and I do the laundry. It isn't that I love doing the laundry but it sure makes it easier when I know I don't have to clean the bathroom.
Let him know that if you were not so overwhelmed with responsibilities that your sex life would most likely be better as well. He needs to spend less time complaining about what you don't do and more time appreciating what you do.

The truth is women will always carry more weight in responsibility then men, we are better at it and we are stronger. A happy marriage is when a man realizes that and takes acting to help.

Men also work well on the reward system. If he gets A,B, and C done then he gets a night out with the boys, a game of golf, etc. Therefore everyone is happy, less chores for you and down time for him.

I am sure you guys can make it work out. Rest assured many women are going through the exact same thing.

Answer 4

Wow.... Sounds like you guys need to sit down and have a serious discussion. Have you told him how you feel? Sometimes we feel and don't speak, thinking that the other person should be able to see what's going on. If you guys both do the same amount of work (actually, it sounds like you do more actual work with the buisness) you should talk to him about doing his share. Or maybe he is doing his share, and you guys need to talk about reallocating work loads. Ask him what he thinks can be done to make things better. What else does he think needs to be cleaned? There's no need to have a Martha Stewart house, unless there's company, really. And even then, with a five year old, everyone understands that a house cannot be spotless.

Also, you guys have to talk about the relations thing. I've learned that when you are stressed and upset with eachother, it only makes matters worse to not have relations. Seriously. Relations are your bonding point. If a couple (married of course) are not having relations, then they are in a downward spiral, to be honest. You guys need to get things worked out.

I'd suggest going to a third party and having an honest converation (you and your husband) with the third party.... Sometimes that will help.

Answer 5

I'm pretty much in the same boat, but I stay at home with an 8 month old and a 2 year old. I also take on-line classes from the community college and I feel like I don't deserve any me time when I take it, there is always stuff to do. I don't get to bed until about 1 everynight. What I am saying don't be me. I would actually get more accomplished if I wasn't so uptight about how my husband is going to react to what I do get accomplished. I wind up being a nervous wreck all of the time, and it's not healthy. I've told my huband this, and finally I have realized that I have to do what makes me happy. If he doesn't have the time what makes him think you do?

Answer 6

resolve the sex issue first, if he is happy with that, he'll start complaining less about house chores. BELIEVE IT!!! I'm not saying that he is right, I mean if both of you are working then both of you should clean the house, is not fair that he expects you to do more. But the sex thing is the most important, and after that, I'll recommend you to read and learn from some of this books.
Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men by Shaunti Feldhahn
The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace
and ... The House That Cleans Itself: Creative Solutions for a Clean and Orderly House in Less Time Than You Can Imagine by Mindy Starns Clark

and then start talking objectivly about things, because if you do before understanding how to do it, you are just going to end up fighthing about it.

Answer 7

From a man's point of view OK? He should be picking up the slack... It seems to me that you both need to work am right? OK sex is a two way street... He has to want to and you have to want to.. The two days you have off are they the same as his? Listen you need to talk.. Please this marriage seems be faltering and fast..... He seems to have the flexible schedule.. How much time does he spend with his child... Men sometimes have to swallow their pride and do woman's work.... And hey since when is house work supposed to be just woman's work... He needs to knuckle down till things get better and they will... I wish you well my dear... How about a baby sitter one evening so you can just get out for a couple hours of alone time with just the two of you? If you need a baby sitter grandpa here will... Just call me... heeheehee have a good week and lets start November on a positive note... Grant M in Pennsylvania

Answer 8

Alot of people tell you to stop doing housework, don't stop, because you don't want your child living in filth. You two are going to have to start picking up after yourself, and have your child pick up his/her toys and little messes he/she is capable of picking up. Being it's only the three of you and you two are gone out of the house most of the time, so more than likely your child isn't there either, it's surprising you have such an unclean house. Tell your husband that you two will have to split the daily chores, and on one of your days off do the more deep cleaning of the house.

Answer 9

This sounds like my husband, except we don’t have any children. He doesn’t ask me to do more but he always underestimates my efforts. He doesn’t do jack **** except cut the yard once or twice a month and he thinks he’s conquered the world. Although I don’t do housework on a regular basis, I do wash the dishes when they get piled up, clean the restrooms, vacuum, pay all the bills online, etc. It’s almost like he feels guilty because he doesn’t do anything and then he wants to pull me down to his level.

If I were you, I would stop doing the things that you are doing. I think it’s rude and selfish that he won’t even acknowledge what you’re doing. Believe me, I don’t even know you and I know you are probably doing more housework than he does – because that’s how some men are. It’s very annoying and it makes you feel like what’s the point.

Answer 10

WOW
I would just not do housework for a few days then he will see that you are doing alot of work. Your not lazy at all!!! your working full time and you have a daughter. you should be very proud of yourself!!! dont stay up later and clean. If your hubby doesn't think your getting enough done then maybe he should be helping you! And have more respect for you. Again, I am very proud of you!!! Working full time and having a daughter!!! that is great!!!!!!! :)

Answer 11

well love, to tell u the truth, in a relationship it take two for it to work, n that mean that house cleaning, taking care of the child is not a one sided respondible, it has to be do by both, i for one am not a girl or a lady, i am guy who has bein divorce for over 7 yrs, on top of that i am a singleparent, n do two jobs, alone, n at time i wish that i had a lady in my life to help me out, not just with my kids which or two, one of each, but with the house, the bills, etc. But for what i have read on the end part of ur relationship, i believe that he is upset, not with the house cleaning, but the lock of sex with u, take if from someone who knowns what that is like, it just builds up, but i do understand ur side too, he has to stop pointing fingers in ur direction, he has to lookin in the mirror first before telling u what to do, it is a team....