to me this would never be a problem. I date people that are comfortable with this (sometimes going with me). I have analyzed this and there is no feminist attitude from them, there is no religeous attitude from them...it just seems to be a control issue....i have never been married, and obviously whether it takes a few years or a few days to end, all my relationships have ended at some point...but i can't wrap my brain around this.....is it a control issue? And if so is it a slippery slope meaning a doomed marriage? Help me understand this
2007-10-30 08:42:45 · 38 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
2 things...it's not exactly "cancelled" but if i here the word "poker" come out...i'm leaving....and no one has answered the part about it being a slippery slope to a doomed marriage
2007-10-30 09:21:03 · update #1
It's not that they aren't allowed to go (their partners cannot control them) but they choose not to go (perhaps because it wouldn't be worth the fight at home later).
It's their choice. Apparently they have insecure wives or maybe they've behaved inappropriately at such events in the past, and their partners are justified in desiring them not to repeat the behavior.
I would be kewl with my guy going (if I had one). If that situation would tempt him to cheat or do something inappropriate, then he'd do it outside of that situation as well...
2007-10-30 08:47:25 · answer #1 · answered by . 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Marriage is a partnership. And just like any partnership there are certain expectations put on some. Your friends signed contracts just like in business, if you were in business with someone manufacturing a product you wouldn't be too happy if your partner was showing up at the office with your compeitors goods, comparing them with what you manufacture all the time.
Well that is the way some view their marriages. The wives don't want their husbands going to strip joints because of how their husbands will react. If you don't want to get married, don't. But don't put someone else down because that was THEIR choice. Frankly I think that your making such an issue over the strip joint thing only proves your own immaturity and lack of respect for the others involved.
2007-10-30 09:42:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not about control. If you are getting married what is the point of having a need to go out, get drunk, and have sex with some woman who goes with every man who waves money in front of them. Let's be real here your not going into the electric chair your getting married and if you have the need to have sex with another person or lie and say it's just a lap dance that you need to wear a condom (still sex) then stay single your not ready for marriage.
Until you stop looking for the next best thing with a woman all your relationships will end and you will be a very old lonely
2007-10-30 09:22:17 · answer #3 · answered by Kat G 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been married for 12 years, if your friends who can't go are married, then I think that maybe its just that they need better use of thier time then... boobies, maybe they have family obligations (kids, yard). I also think married guys use thier wives as a crutch, because Its easier to say "she said no" then" I want to lay on the couch in my tighty whiteys and watch family guy" . I'm sure that some insucure wifes are very controlling, but being married means it a sure thing, that there is a warm body waiting at home for you. so the choices are.....pay for a lap dance and a beer at a strip club, or stay home and drink beer from your fridge and get a piece for free. I hope this helps you.
2007-10-30 08:56:43 · answer #4 · answered by kimmy 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It can be a control issue or a lack of confidence issue If a woman is not confident with herself or the realtionship she is in then she will not accept her man going to a strip bar.
Being female I really don't understand it either. It's not like the guys are going out to cheat,,,it's usually a controlled environment or there is some bouncer standing by ready to pounce if anything happens.
I personally like go to the strip clubs...it's exciting and fun...I highly recommend any woman to go with their man to a strip club...they are so much fun and even more fun once you get home!!
2007-10-30 08:55:44 · answer #5 · answered by jenstar1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's very simple. If you're female, in a relationship and your boyfriend/fiance/husband says "i'm going to look at scantily clad women gyrating, and i'm going to pay for them to get naked so I can watch" - if you're on the receiving end of that, you can end up feeling really inadequate.
OK so most blokes look at porn to some degree - we all know that. but there's a big difference between photos/videos and paying a woman who isn't your girlfriend to give you a lapdance.
Perhaps this is where you've gone wrong before, but relationships are about respect and compromise. OK so you've been with girls who are comfortable going with you to strip clubs - that's fine, some girls are. Some girls are comfortable with their other halves going out to strip clubs without them. But quite a lot aren't!
Maybe you just can't handle it that your male mates have enough respect for their girlfriend's feelings that they're prepared to turn down a night at a strip club, in spite of how much they know they'd enjoy it. Perhaps not upsetting their other halves is more important to them than paying semi-naked strangers to dance in front of them.
If it's a stag do pre-wedding then that's fair enough - it kinda goes with the territory - but on a non-stag night, some might question why.
When I was at uni, our local strip club was giving pole dancing lessons, so we all went for a laugh and it was really good fun. They teach you some brilliant moves! Once I've moved into my own place, I'm planning to get my own pole to stick in the living room. I love watching pole dancing, so if any guy asked me to come with, I'd be more than happy to go. But the idea of your other half going for a one-on-one private dance is something else.
2007-10-30 09:00:47 · answer #6 · answered by Sinistra 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been married for 25 years and find that some women just don't like to finish something that another woman started. Of course to have the man finish it with another woman is out of the question. So they perfer their man not start at all. It's really not a control issue as much as respect for the person that you love. You don't want them to feel uncomfortable about the things that you are doing. Maybe if you keep that in mind you might be able to find a long lasting relationship.
2007-10-30 08:50:30 · answer #7 · answered by rastus7742 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Strips clubs are known to be a haven for drug addicted women that are humiliated and disrespected by men. It is common knowledge that if a guy has any brains and morals that they would not go to these places once they are married. It is disrespectful to women in general and well
just nasty. It is not control at all they only think the whole idea of men throwing money at half naked women is patheis and
gross.
2007-10-30 08:53:36 · answer #8 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It never bothered me...in fact I want to go too, lol. I think some women have a confidence problem or a trust issue. I think because most women haven't been to a strip club they assume a lot of sex goes on there. Which is totally not true. Or they think their man is going to go home with one of these strippers. And like you said, it could be a control thing with some women. I think women who wouldn't let their men go probably are insecure about themselves. And you'll never be able to get the real truth out of them either....they'll give you religious reasons or moral reasons but what I'm telling you is the truth! It sucks....
2007-10-30 08:53:14 · answer #9 · answered by mageta8 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Women are very jealous in general. I however, side with you and the girls you usually date. Who cares! It's all in fun and it's not cheating. I'll tell you what though, women should lighten up because the more you try to control men and get jealous, the more the men will actually want to do behind your backs! It's like - you can't do that! So thats exactly what they're going to want to do!
I was just married last month in Vegas and I told my hubby to go to the strip club and have fun and I gave him some cash too! He came back, gave me all the details and said the girls were too aggressive anyway and he didn't even end up getting a lap dance. You see that, I'm non jealous so I got to hear the whole true story, and he wasn't even that into it.
Take a lesson girls!
2007-10-30 08:49:13 · answer #10 · answered by Cheryl W 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
It's not a control issue, it's a respect issue. When people go to see women undress, that means they see women as sex objects only. Tell me, how comfortable would you be if your girlfriend/wife would go watch men undress? And I don't believe you'd enjoy it.
As for people who say it's just a strip club, nothing more, they are also the ones who'd have a problem with their daughters stripping for strange guys. So if it's not okay for people's daughters to strip for strange guys, it's not okay to watch someone else's daughter strip.
2007-10-30 08:53:58 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋