I have only been married for 3 years, but I have been together with my husband for 10. I feel extremely guilty, but I can't stop thinking about this other man. Any advice?
2007-10-30 08:39:37 · 20 answers · asked by Jade 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
All relationships go through this either early on or later. Now, what happens is up to you? I have had one serious crush on a woman in my married life. I worked close with her and she was a real head turner. People accused us of being a couple and I think I liked the idea that everyone thought someone like her could fall for me.
Time passed and so did my crush. I found out that what attracted me wasn't so great after all, it was a fleeting emotion on the downside of a struggling relationship I had at home.
All relationships get booring sometime as well as our partners. Don't throw something you have built for 10 years away because of a fleeting emotion. Leave him first, then per sue it. Believe me, the thought of that will give you something to think about other than your crush.
Good Luck!
2007-10-30 08:54:57 · answer #1 · answered by Chuckster 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Alot of people have crushes on other people of the opposite sex while they are married. Just make sure that you don't end up having an affair like so many other people do. An affair is not something that you will be proud of and you can't tell too many people about it for fear that your husband will find out and divorce you. I had an affair once because I was just too stupid and no longer loved my husband. I am now divorced but not because of the affair. You need to stay away from the guy that you have a crush on and try to have a better relationship with your husband if you can.
2007-10-30 09:10:53 · answer #2 · answered by Nancy M 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it's not normal in regards to "healthy". Normal to many is everything from a threesome, to infidilety consistanty... so, don't go by what is considered "normal".
Go by what is considered "right or wrong" and "healthy and unhealthy".
So, the question is... "Is it healthy for your marriage?" Absolutely not!
Your heart is filled with unfaithfulness right now and to save your marraige, you will need to confess your unfaithfulness to him, do not hide or keep it a secret, and work things out.
Your marraige is not over, but realize that by allowing these immature, unhealthy thoughts and emotions to fill your heart, you have started down the path to infidelity on your part.
What it is, however, is an indication that something is lacking on the part of your parnter. What you definately need to do, aside from both getting marriage counseling, is to properly and effectively communicate what you are needing from your husband, and how he can be your hero and meet the needs that are being unmet right now.
Turn your focus into your marraige and make it what it is supposed to be. You can only change yourself, and right now, being honest and open may cause some pain, but it's only a fraction of the mess that you will be in if you don't come clean and work through things right away.
Make it work!
2007-10-30 09:08:20 · answer #3 · answered by splashdesign238 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is normal to look at the menu when you are on a diet. We all may think someone is really good looking. Acting out on those feelings is where things go wrong.
But the fact that you think a lot about this person might be a sign that you need to sit down and have an honest chat with yourself, including if your husband IS the right one for you. Don't feel guilty, you have done nothing wrong at this point. But it may be time to do something to rekindle things with your husband.
2007-10-30 08:46:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Introduce the two men. Maybe they will become friends and agree to share you.
If that is not happening then you can toy with the crush and try to get more into your husband. Give your husband some suggestions for him to do things differently, more to your likeing and see where that leads the two of you. You may find the crush fading as your husband does things better for you. What is it about this crush that you find attractive? Try to get your husband to act like your crush. It might turn out to be the greatest thing for you and your husband.
2007-10-30 08:57:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
That’s part of being human. Same thing happened with my wife; she said it felt good that someone found what she said to be new and exciting.
It made me mad at first when she told me what was going on, but I thought about it, and we had gotten o the point where you know you love your spouse but you just think “I don’t need to say it, she knows”. That’s a bad place to be, but it is something you can change if you really want to.
The other thing is, you only see what this guy is like at work or church or where ever you meet. But you don’t see what he is like in private, where is being himself. That is usually very different from what we see in public. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side.
2007-10-30 08:53:44 · answer #6 · answered by kib_edward 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's ok to think about this man. Most of have thought of another person romantically. As long as your not thinking about leaving your husband. If your thinking about replacing your husband than give up the fantasy.
fantasies are always better in our head than in real life. If your husband takes care of you and loves you then stay away from temptation.
2007-10-30 08:50:24 · answer #7 · answered by bernice w 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Change whatever there is in your life that allows you to see this person even if it is your job. Take a long look at your marriage and remember the reasons why you married your husband and then do everything possible to re-kindle your love and passion for your husband.
Good Luck
2007-10-30 08:49:22 · answer #8 · answered by mn lady 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I would say it's normal to still have feelings - but that's where it ends. You are married - and if you see this person on a regular basis - that's going to increase your feelings. stay away and focus on your marriage. This other man doesn't mean anything - nor could he replace the man that you are married to. Put him out of the picture and mind your marriage.
2007-10-30 08:47:03 · answer #9 · answered by Amy 3 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Run from this other man, lest you commit adultery. You feel guilty because it is wrong for you to continue to think about this other man in this way. Focus your attentions on your husband only. Let him intoxicate you and no others. When you marry you become one flesh, the marriage bed shall not be defiled. What God joins together let no one put asunder.
Adultery is a sin with dire consequences. You can choose to commit this sin, but you can't choose the consequences.
2007-10-30 08:47:55 · answer #10 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 1⤊ 4⤋