How can my wife and I work this out?

Question

I am married for six years now. I cheated on my wife three years ago and sometimes even now i don't tell my wife everything. She wants to move back home and us to make a fresh start, that is three hundred miles from my family here. I want us to stay together but I don't want to move. Also how can I get her to trust me again? She seems very unhappy and still accuses me of things that I'm not doing involving the other woman. The other woman is also married but I've not seen her in a couple of years. What would you do? I love my wife very much and really want it to work out.

Answer 1

Maybe you "really want it to work out" but you are not putting out the work in order to make it work out. You seem to be saying, "I want it to work out by my wife doing everything I want her to do." Grow up and start acting like a man. Here's how to start:

1. "Even now I don't tell my wife everything." Swallow your pride, bite the bullet, and start telling her everything. A life lived accountably feels clean and satisfying, take it from me. You can't imagine how liberating it feels to keep no secrets!

2. Move. She says she needs a fresh start, so go get a fresh start. You cheated on your wife, so you owe it to her to make it up to her in this very small (in the grand scheme of things) way.

You would do well to stop waiting and wishing for change and instead go ahead and CHANGE.

Answer 2

MOVE after resolution read below.

Although moving away will not resolve all issues but making a fresh start in a new home may help her get over your past indiscretions.

Really though running away from your problems never heals them until they are discussed and she forgives you for what you did she will continue to blame you and will find ways to accuse you for nothing at all.

I believe before you move discuss with you wife that you think marrriage counselling prior to moving would be a great idea.

So you guys can start with a fresh perspective on your marriage, and everything has been discussed and resolved with a professional.

Never run away from problems in marriage deal with them they will continue to follow you no matter where you go.

Best Wishes and God Bless
Remember this even if you do not believe in prayer
praying for God's grace and intervention in your marriage can have some profound revelations.

Answer 3

Well, you admitted that you still don't tell your wife everything! Why? Do you feel like you have to hide things from her?

It will take a very long time for your wife to get over that betrayal. I give her credit for even trying. However, you need to remember that YOU screwed up and YOU need to do whatever it takes to fix it!! If your wife wants to move away, I think you should seriously consider it. I'm sure she is feeling very insecure knowing that the "other woman" is still close by. She will never be able to feel secure that you won't or don't want to go back to her. Moving away may be the perfect solution for both of you.

If you want your wife to trust you again, you have to be 100% trustworthy! Tell her the truth! Conduct yourself like a faithful, committed, married man - always!! With time, she will trust again. After going through something like infidelity, any little lie you tell her is magnified and makes her think about when you cheated! You have to be wiling to open yourself up completely! She wants you to prove to her that you love her and that you are willing to do whatever it takes to make things up to her! That is just how women think!!

Good luck to you!

Answer 4

I would be unhappy if I were her too. I think you should work together to figure the living arrangements but you are the one who messed up so if you really want her back, you need to be willing to move. She won't trust you again until you prove with your own actions that you are not going to cheat on her again. You have to show her. As a girl that has been cheated on I will tell you it hurts. It hurts more than you think. She loves you enough to play through the pain and ask you back into her life. Realize what a big jesture that is and look past the distrust and the past cheating issues. Move on with building your lives together.

Answer 5

First off.....you say you don't tell your wife everything. What don't you tell her and why don't you tell her. Marriage's most precious possession is TRUST. These two question's answers have significant impact on your marriage. How can she trust you if she finds out you haven't been completely honest and open about all kinds of things.
Next you dont want to move to her hometown(I take it). A wife and husband are one. Is their other good reasons besides leaving your family behind? If not, is there a compromise city in between?Or do you not love her more than not being close to your family?
TRUST is easily lost, but hard to gain back. The key is it will take a lot of TIME. But....without honesty and openess, you will fail. You have to work day by day, week by week to gain back what you so easily destroyed. You have to exhibit honesty and openess, and an understanding of what you have to do. It sounds like you have work to do about these traits.

Answer 6

Let's start with the facts: 6 years of marriage. You cheated on her. Moving.
Hmmmm....it's going to take TIME - and that can't be rushed! Are you messing around? Are you doing things you shouldn't be doing? Do you deserve her trust? You have a lot of work to do sir....a lot of making up to do. That doesn't mean she should walk over you, but it means it's going to take time. You love her, and she loves you enough because she's still married to you - make it work. Do whatever it means to be with her still. As far as the moving goes - Please! I live 2,000 miles away from my family! A couple hundred is NO BIG DEAL! Move! I hope this helps.

Answer 7

It's going to be hard but the most important thing is that u realise you need her to trust u again .just put verything in the open , tell her everything , dont wait for her to ask you. spend time with her , do whatever it takes to make he mind rest.what u did hurt her so u can only imagine. and give her the right to vent .do what it takes but dont punish yourself forever. u made a mistake and u aare making amends for that. she should see this and cut you some slack. my husband cheated on me a few months back , so I know what your wife may be going thru.remember , 300 miles away form your family is not that far a drive . do this for the both of u.make it work.

Answer 8

Well if you really love her and want to be with her and work things out then move with her so what everybody leaves their family sooner or later. You need to do what is right for you and your wife . And before you do go out to dinner with her first and tell her you know you messed up and you don't expect her to forget and you know it is going to tkae ahwile for her to forget but tell her if she really wants to love back with you and for you to make this big move that she is going to have to try and trust you and that she can't accuse you of things ... And see what she says. Maybe tell her you both need to live together in a place where you live now to make sure it is going to work out before you make a big move and have it not work out ..You need to gain her trust and it will take time .. Just take it one step at a time .. Good luck

Answer 9

You should move away from the woman you committed adultery with, so your wife will feel more secure. Your family will be a 5 hour drive, you could do that on weekends if you want to visit them. Consider it part of your consequences for committing adultery. It's cut the apron strings or cut the marriage.

Answer 10

You need to be open and honest with your wife. Stop not telling her everything. You need to make her trust you, if you don't tell her everything she won't. If you're really serious about working things out then move back in with her. Keep communication lines very open, it's the only way to have a strong trusting relatioinship.