He waits until the very lasy min to do anything. then we usually miss out on things. I sorry but I feel like hes pulling me down. Hel stop at his friends EVERY day after work, then hell come home and sit at the computer, I work overnights so I sleep after he gets home untill 8 when I have to goto work. every night when I wake up for work the house is trashed from my children. he cant even get away from the computer long enough to take a shower. I feel like the bad guy telling him he has to take a shower because hes starting to smell bad. I guess on his defence, he does cook dinner evey night, but he leaves the foos sitting out if it doest all get eaten, wont even soak the dishes. I clean the kitchen after I get home from work every night. I spend my days off cleaning the house and doing laundry and hopfuly have time for fun with my kids. (the house is usually very messy by the time i get a day off. I tell him all the time that I need help but he doesnt hear me.
2007-10-30 07:56:04 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
although I dont know how. I feel bad after I get angry but its the only way to get him to help out. Im at my wits end. Ive been trying to get him to clean the garage for 2 months now. hes very sweet and easy going but I cant take his lazy unmotivated ways any more. any suggestions please help me.
2007-10-30 07:58:54 · update #1
I would LOVE to work days Lisa but daycare costs are an issue
2007-10-30 08:05:23 · update #2
You might need to go "on strike" or do couples counseling with him, for him to realize how important that stuff is to you. When my wife got fed up, she just stopped doing it all, to get my attention!
She quit doing the laundry, quit cleaning anything, etc.... It wasn't long before I noticed the mess and the lack of clean clothes. We had a talk, and she said she wanted to go to couples counseling to discuss the division of household chores and other issues.
One of you 2 also might need to change shifts so that you can have more quality time together, and work together on the housecleaning.
In my house, we have a deal where whoever cooks doesn't have to clean up after. That's just the way we divide the labor.
The bit about motivation is very true, also. What rewards would he get from you if he helped out more? My wife figured out that nagging or having a temper fit over me not helping was negative reinforcement and just made me less helpful...
On the other hand, rewarding me with physical touch and praise (kisses, massage, bedroom activities... ) was a MUCH better way to encourage me to help! :)
2007-10-30 08:14:48 · answer #1 · answered by PersonX 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Consider this hide the keyboard and mouse from the computer tell him if he helps you clean up the house and keeps working with you to raise your kids and to keep up on his personal hygiene he can have it back. Sometimes it takes some initiative to get a person moving and for him it sounds like the computer is his candy take a part of it away and well he is stuck. Unless of course he would be selfish enough to go by a new keyboard and mouse and continue his selfish ways.
Maybe he grew up in a household where one person did the cooking and the other cleaned up. Tell him the hours you work it is to hard for you to do everything and that he needs to help out. If he enjoys the extra cash you bring into the the household then he needs to chip in and make this work. Because if he can't you have no other option then to quit your job and stay at home,
Tell him you are exhausted and pissed off that he does nothing to help out. Tell him you like your job and the extra money but will quit if he keeps doing what he is doing.
I hope some of these suggestions help Best Wishes and May God Bless you and your family.
2007-10-30 08:16:18 · answer #2 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
you need to sit him down and tell him exactly what you have told us. Get angry, get very angry because he is taking you for granted.
Don't keep doing all the work when you come home from work. Forget the kitchen and get some extra sleep. Let him see how it will be when he goes to cook dinner and there are no clean dishes available.
Get rid of the computer and/or internet service. It is one of the worst things a marriage can have and can cause all kinds of trouble. It is addictive and he needs to be focused on his family and not on the internet.
Finally, you need to get him to a counselor with you. It might be a good idea, it if is possible, to find yourself a day job where you and your husband can spend some quality family time together at night.
Good Luck
2007-10-30 08:09:06 · answer #3 · answered by mn lady 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Write it down. He may SEE the house is a mess, but if he doesn't see it on a list, he's probably not doing it. Make a Honey-do list every day for him, and make one for yourself (or tell him to make one for you) so he can see that you're not asking him to do any more than you're doing yourself.
Tell him you don't care how he spends his days as long as the items on the list are taken care of that day. Then he can do whatever he wants and not feel like you're nagging him.
So, maybe you ask him at night to wash the laundry and throw it in the dryer - your chore in the morning may be to fold it, put it away & iron. Then you're doing the chores jointly.
Maybe his chore is to cook dinner, clean up the mess & soak the dishes. Your chore in the morning is to wash, dry, put away the dishes and pull something out of the freezer for dinner. Maybe his job is to vacuum the floors, yours is to do the mopping.
You see how this seems pretty even? Like you're putting in the same effort? It might work better, and you'll have to remind him less. :)
2007-10-30 08:19:39 · answer #4 · answered by Roland'sMommy 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
How is he collecting unemployment if he owns a small business? If he is receiving income from the business you are going to have to end up paying the unemployment back to the state. I would suggest looking into other benefit providers on your own, rather than through your job. $700/month is A LOT. Or, try and reduce the amount of coverage you have. Opt to take the lowest available through your work.
2016-05-26 02:50:43 · answer #5 · answered by amada 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The way you deal with a lazy guy without sounding like his mommy is to tell him that you are not his mommy. You're his wife. You aren't going to clean for him everyday and cook for him everynight. You clean and bathe the kids, so he better starting bathing himself. Your his wife, you are partners in everything and he better start helping out or you are going to take the kids and leave (even if you don't actually intend on leaving).
2007-10-30 08:29:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
What it actually souns like is that he is lonely I know I used to do the same thing he does!! How often do you two get to make time for each other or even see each other in a day? I was really depressed and did the same thing he is because i felt like i had no one and was very lonely maybe you should sit and talk to him it helped me good luck.
2007-10-30 08:29:44 · answer #7 · answered by ru2tipsy2c 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
he does hear you, he just chooses to ignore you. you need to sit him down and make sure he's looking at you when you tell him he needs to get his act together. Make it a strong conversation with just the two of you so he understands the seriousness of it. Explain that you cannot tolerate this way of life long term, explain that the childrens health is at risk from him not pulling his weight and that you are finding him less attractive on account of him not showering.
explain you will not put up with it forever so he needs to make a wake up call. get serious with him.
2007-10-30 08:11:14 · answer #8 · answered by Sarah J 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't think there is a solution to this problem. I've been married over 30 years and I still have to tell him what needs to be done. We both work, but I am responsible for everything in the house. Even though "we've come a long way baby", it will never change. Almost every man expects his wife to cook, clean, etc. etc. etc. while he watches TV, etc. etc. etc.
2007-10-30 08:09:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
Better find another job so you can work when he does. That way you can also be w/ the kids more and nag his butt into action!
Lisa married 1 yr lived in sin 4 yrs.
2007-10-30 08:02:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋