My daughter has just turned 14 this past September. Last night she was talking about her 14 or 15 year old girlfriend who's mother allowed the 15 year olds boyfriend to sleep over and even took a picture of the two "makeing out" (iguess without them knowing) and sent it to the 15 yr olds phone. I of course made a comment about that situation not being right. A teen should not be allowed to have her boyfriend/girlfriend sleep over. My 14 yr old daughter proceeds to tell me that these days are different than when I was a teenager and there is nothing wrong with it and that teens should be allowed to have boys or girls sleep over. She say that they wouldn't "do anything" . Please tell me your opinion on this matter. My daughter just thinks I am being old fashioned, I am only 34 it wasn't that long ago that I was a teen!
2007-10-30 07:27:30 · 43 answers · asked by Erica N 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
I can't believe that mother! You're being a good mom not allowing that to happen in your house. Your daughter might be mad at you and think you're old fashioned but one day she'll realize you want the best for her. I'm 20 years old and I remember being so angry at my mom and thinking she never let me do anything, but I'm thankful for it now. It kept me out of LOTS of trouble!
Your daughter does have a point about these days being different, but it doesn't mean that everything that happens these days is right.
2007-10-30 07:39:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
No teenager, especially a 14 or 15 year old, should be allowed to have their boyfriend/girlfriend stay the night with them. Even though they say nothing is going to happen, it will if given the opportunity. They are going to take it too far and end up getting pregnant. I never had a boyfriend stay the night with me until I was in my twenties and I wasn't living at home. Now, granted, some people can have friendships where they can sleep in the same bed and absolutely NOTHING happen but there aren't many of them. One of my best friends is a guy and we could sleep in the same bed and nothing ever happened. One day a year later, something did happen. After a few months of being together as a couple, I got pregnant and unfortunately lost it.
The point is this - even though they say they won't do anything - don't believe them. It will eventually happen. Are those teenagers and their parents ready for a baby to come along? Maybe they should think about that before they allow someone of the opposite sex stay the night with their son or daughter.
2007-10-30 07:52:45 · answer #2 · answered by angelamc31 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Too many people think this is a huge deal, seriously, you guys go on about how 'Do teens think we are stupid we used to be teens too'. I know, I'm not saying all teens should be aloud to have their bf's or gf's over but common, if you know your kid enough you should at least know whether they will use a condom. Buy them some even. If you honestly think that your kid can only have sex during the night then you are in the dark, and you are stupid. Kids will have sex ANY TIME OF THE DAY. It's like a game for us, you parents who care more make it more of an event. Also, no one said you couldn't actually keep an eye on your kid, and make sure they don't sleep in the same bed. With the way I see these answers I guess most people don't leave their kids alone for a second because if you do, they have sex. THAT'S WHAT THEY MUST BE DOING! So just buy them some condoms and say, it's your problem don't do it in my house. Sleep overs are great, but I guess I can't have a lot of girls and guys over anymore because we apparently we'll orgy...
Good day.
2007-10-30 09:58:45 · answer #3 · answered by Dan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My boyfriend was never allowed to stay over when I lived at home! EVER!! He was only ever allowed to come over between 9 to 5 and on the weekend 10 to 6.
Damn if I did what they did my grandfather or my foster Dad would take me out the back and shoot me. Or at least that was always their threat! It worked. And my man was scared of them. We had to stay in the living area, and NEVER was allowed to be alone together. It was the same at his house.
Things must have changed a hell of a lot in a few years, I am only 23!! We bought our first house when I was nearly 19 and that's when I was allowed to stay over. LOL!!
I wasn't allowed to date before I turned 16, and then after that I had to keep my school grades up.
I can honestly tell you my kids will be brought up the same way. Andrew (my partner) & I talk about it all the time.
If I ever caught my 14 year old making out in my house I would hit the roof!! Not take a bloody photo! A 14-15 year old is still a child.
2007-10-30 07:44:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
it really depends. there's a boy whose mom and my mom are best friends. i've known him since we were babies. my last sleepover with him was when we were 12. i can honestly say that if i wanted him to sleep over and stay in my room, my parents would be okay with that. when our two families went camping together, the two of us shared a tent. nothing happened. we talked a little, didn't touch each other at all, and went to sleep.
but that's a special situation, because we're practically siblings and have known each other since infancy. for normal situations, the answer should be no. if a girl wants her boyfriend or even guyfriend to stay over, the answer should be ... maybe. kids do things. MAYBE a trusted, longterm guy friend could stay in another room and the girl would swear up and down she wouldn't do anything.
i think people assume teenagers are so horny they'll have sex at any time, any excuse. i don't think it's really like that. some will and some won't, and it's up to parents to make a call about a guyfriend staying the night.
but even if they had excellent intentions and had comtrolled themselves in the past, things could happen, and no parent wants to walk in on their teenage daughter having sex. so really it's the parent's call, but be liberal about it.
2007-10-30 10:55:47 · answer #5 · answered by Meep <3 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're NOT old fashioned you are a caring parent. I'm forty and it's been a bit longer since I've been a teen but when my eldest son was 17 he wanted a girl to sleep over I said no. I think it's wrong. I would not trust the whole "we wouldn't do anything" story either. To me allowing the opposite sex to sleep over is asking for trouble. Don't give in!
2007-10-30 07:51:27 · answer #6 · answered by musicpanther67 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i totally respect your decision and i'm not exactly going to give advice on the subject
i'm gonna say though, i'm 17 and a few nights back my girlfriend slept over mine and despite the fact that we were sharing a bed, to be honest, i really wanted to sleep
i don't know if you live in the states or whatever, because i know kids leave school at 18 over there but i'm not in school and i have a job and if my girlfriend were to sleep over on a night where i had work the next morning it would be a few kisses and a cuddle then sleep
you know there's a secret that teens keep from their parents
there's more chance of two teens "doing stuff" in the daytime than there is at night
think about it, at night everyone's in the house
i think you should be more wary about leaving your daughter alone in the day lol
2007-10-30 08:21:06 · answer #7 · answered by Tom K 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no way, i'm 19 so this is my generation we're talking about and you're right in saying absolutely not. As much as she says she wouldn't do anything she likely would, even if she didn't have intentions to at first. When temptation is made accessible it's hard to resist.
I had friends at the age of 14 and 15 that were having sex,
Things are different but it's only because of the limit has been pushed and parents want to be their children's friend instead of a parent first. Stick with your gut!
2007-10-30 07:45:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you were 14 and you had the chance to "smack that." The question is would they really "smack that" with each other .. HAHAHAHA .. I think it's ok as long as there is parental supervision involved. Just that when they "sleep" over, make sure their separate from each other. It's better if it's a group sleepover that way for sure nothing will really happen. as in 4 to 5 people over. 2 guys 3 girls. They wouldn't do anything if it's a group. But there are high risks, so really that decision is yours to make.
2007-10-30 13:32:42 · answer #9 · answered by Karamja889 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm 36 and I have 3 daughters - 16, 14 and 12. There is no freaking way their father or I would even have the discussion of the possibility! You're not old fashioned and neither are we. This isn't a good idea for soooo many reasons. We're raising our daughters to have morals, a sense of right and wrong and to wait to have sex until marriage. Why on earth would you allow temptation or even joke that this kind of behavior was funny? And what is with the parents of this boy thinking it was appropriate to let him spend the night with her? This is crazy! They're asking for trouble. I'm not saying this girl is going to get pregnant while in high school, but she's well on her way. I think there are so many more things our kids need to be concerned about - grades, having real fun with friends and learning responsibilities. We as parents shouldn't be encouraging 14 and 15 yr olds dating and acting like adults. It's crazy - this is their time to be kids - why are so many rushing into this stuff?
I think having a group sleepover party is one thing - when there are parents or chaperones there. We did this at my church camp! It was huge fun, we watched tons of movies, ate and played games. Boys slept in one room, girls in another. Nothing happened. Everyone had huge fun. Having one kid sleep over at another's house is really different. It's more intimate - no matter what anyone says.
My 16 year old does have a boyfriend. We don't approve of "dating" in high school (call me crazy, but it never got me anywhere - I never ended up with those guys and I look back on it as a complete waste of my time). We've talked to them and we can't stop them from liking each other, but they have ZERO opportunity alone. It's a compromise. We allow them to see each other, but they don't have time to do much else. Her focus (and we hope his too) is on their grades, sports and school & community activities. We have him come over (during daylight hours) when we're home and she is allowed to go to his house when his parents are home. It has worked beautifully. They are both hard working kids who have bright futures ahead of them. It would be irresponsible for us to allow them to do whatever they wanted and get hurt or worse. There is a 15 yr old boy (friends of ours) who got an 18 yr old pregnant last spring. Can you imagine? All that happened was his parents encouraged him to spend lots of time with her and didn't know where he was 24/7. Now there is a baby being given up for adoption and 2 kids whose lives will never be what they were. Where were the parents???
I just really don't see the point in boy/girl sleepovers - I think this is ridiculous that this mom is more concerned about being her child's friend than their PARENT. I can assure you - I'm with you on this point and no way will this EVER be happening at my house! My son is 10 and there's no way I'd let him stay at a girl's house - right now, all girls have cooties and I'm enjoying this!
Good Luck with your daughter. Tell her it's not the norm and there are good reasons it's not commonplace. As Parents, we're trying to save them a lot of misery, heartache and pain. It's not as if we're trying to take their fun away. I want my kids to have fun - just not that kind of fun.
2007-10-30 08:24:58 · answer #10 · answered by Lamont 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋