My husband and I are in our early 20s and have a 9 mo. baby. He has 2 personalities. Half of the time he says he loves our family. He is really helpful and loving with our baby. He treats me like a queen. We have a loving relationship. We have date nights. The other half is unhappy. He has to pay for $800 a month for day care. He says that I take all of his money from him. We have so much credit card debt that I pay $800 a month for that. So we end up with no extra. He calls me names and says that I keep him in bondage. He says that I am trapping him to be with only me. He wants to experience younger women! Later I will ask if he really meant it and he says he was just hungry, or tired!!! I love him to pieces. I don't know what to do. This saturday he wanted to go to a RAVE. I wasn't too happy about it, but I said "Have Fun!" with no fuss. He returned at 7am. Geez! He said it was like a vacation. I can't tell if he really wants out or if he is playing mind games.
2007-10-30 06:57:16 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thanks for the advise. I've gone to one therapy session so far. I really want to have a happy life. I love my daughter so much, but I also feel trapped by her. I tell my husband to go out and have fun, because I too feel trapped. I just can't imaging doing it without him. We separated for 6 weeks, 3 months ago. I lived w/ my parents so they helped with the baby. I got to hang out with friends too, but living with the parents at age 24 is so creepy!! I just want my husband to say one thing and stick with it. I can't stand this "I love you more than life itself", then "I want to have roommates and party". I'm so confused. Yesterday, we woke up early before work so we could snuggle for an hour... and make breakfast and coffee. I know he loves me, but why does he says such aweful things.
2007-10-30 08:17:24 · update #1
what he says is what he means. right now anyway. he is feeling trapped but it is not only your fault. he impregnated you,married you, i am sure he loves you. but being so young he still has yet to sow his oats. in time he will do just that. early 20's is still to young to know what you want in life. for most anyway. try to learn a budget that will free you from the debts which is a huge burden on any age. its a big cause of divorce.
2007-10-30 07:05:00 · answer #1 · answered by jezbnme 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No one who truely loves someone would be able to treat them as badly as you describe. If he truely has a personality that goes back and forth then some family counseling would do both of you some good.
My guess is that with your debt load so heavy, he is feeling a panic and hopeless feeling like there is no way out, no way to ever get that kind of debt paid off. You are probably only able to pay minimum payments and that means your are accumulating a lot of interest. Both of you are bound to feel the pressure. My guess is that you are handling the pressure better than he is.
The first step is to find a way to ease the burden and stress of your financial obligations. Being heavily in credit card debt can be devastating to any marriage. I recommend you contact one of the agencys that help with this type of problem. It is not a loan but a way to help you plan a budget that will get you out of debt in a few years, and they will work with your credit card people to bring down and in some cases eliminate the interest rates. I have put a link to an agency that I recommend.
Once you are not sweating out the payments every month you should definitely see a marriage counselor for some therapy. You have a child and you loved him when you married him so divorce or leaving should be your last choice. Try to remember that when he says he wants to be able to try something or someone new, it is the feeling of helplessness he is wanting away from and not you personally.
Good Luck
2007-10-30 14:08:00 · answer #2 · answered by mn lady 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sit him down one night and have a serious discussion. Tell him how you feel about him and the way his behaviour makes you feel. If you truly love each other than you will be able to some agreement regarding your marriage. If he continues to act like a big baby and refuses to talk openly with you to try to resolve your marriage issues, than leave him. You have enough to worry about with your 9 month old child that you do not need to be babying him as well. He will only feel free of money worries until the courts make him pay the child support that we will owe. Did he think that being a grown up and having a wife and child was all fun and games? You make yourself happy and do what is best for you and your child.
2007-10-30 14:16:16 · answer #3 · answered by Queenie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like he feels trapped in the marriage because of the baby and such. First of all you should never go off as singles especially to raves or clubs. By letting him do this you might as well be telling him that he can go flirt with other women and you do not care. He has responsibilties your married and he has a baby the single life is over if he wants to go out you get a babysitter and you go out as a couple. He is a player and by telling you he wants younger women that is pathetic once your married mentioning other women is a no-no. This guy sounds like a jerk bills comes with marriage and kids it is normal.
First off can I suggest you cut up all credit cards pay them off and have one for emergencies only. Buy stuff you can afford to buy with cash if you cannot afford it you do not buy it.
If he said this to you then he never wanted marriage in the first place he still wants the single lifestyle. Maybe it is time to leave and let him pay child support and alimony and then he can cry to the courts for being a selfish jerk!
2007-10-30 14:55:21 · answer #4 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're in a bad situation. Financial strain can add a lot of pressure to a marriage. If you are paying $800 in minimum credit card payments, that is a HUGE problem. You need to get financial help to consolidate your debts and quit spending more than you have. Start there, then find affordable marriage counseling.
And yes, if your husband is telling you he is trapped, wants younger women and stays out till 7 a.m., he is going to cheat on you and/or leave you. Sorry.
2007-10-30 14:12:32 · answer #5 · answered by Sarah 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please get out while you are young and can expand your life.
Happiness is the key to each persons thoughts. If he is so trivial about money then walk away Miss. He wants both Worlds with one being hidden away that you are not aware of.
He will think it over as he is awarded to pay you child support let alone you are allowed to 50% of everything that you own together. How old is he Miss? Younger Women? He is sick in the head if he appreciates the company of seventeen and eighteen year old girls. This Man is a walking disaster in the making. You must have a lot of patience. Any other Women would have left him long ago.
2007-10-30 14:16:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are rules to marital disagreements, and your husband is breaking all of them.
Name calling, threatening to leave, and expressing how he wants to be with younger women is destructive to your marriage. He should never say those things to you... ever!
I understand that money is really tight for you guys right now, but try to find some counseling. If he thinks things are tough now, how is he going to make it if he has to pay child support for the next 17years and 3 months? Instead of wanting to be a teenager again, your husband should want to increase his income so that he can take better care of his family. He went to a RAVE --- Good God! He couldn't have done anything more asinine and juvenile if he tried. If he were my son I'd tell him to pull his head out of his @ss and grow up.
2007-10-30 14:15:49 · answer #7 · answered by mt75689 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is young that is why he is like this I think you should try to getr ride of the baby sitter you pay alot for one baby I only pay 160 a week for 4 kids and you have alot of credit card debt why don't you talk to him tell him what is going if you love him and he loves you then why are you going to leave him just because he is being an *** like all men they have no brain they say things and then regret it after ward my husband does this all the time and I get mad at him and I pay everything. Just relax and when he says something like this ignore him he is just being a jerk and he wants you to feel bad.
2007-10-30 14:11:43 · answer #8 · answered by Lost 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am going to be brutally honest w/ you. Both of you are very young. I know when I was your age I thought I was mature and an adult. I work part time at a convenience store and most of the people I work w/ are your age. All of them are very immature. They drive me nuts sometimes w/ all their drama. Plus they run around saying random things like; "I like pie." I too was in a relationship w/ a child at your age, I know now neither of us were mature or selfless enough to make a marriage work. When your young your own desires and selfishness gets in the way. Especially men as they mature slower than women. The odds are against you, and I am sorry for that.
Lisa married 1 yr lived in sin 4 yrs.
2007-10-30 14:31:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, he sounds very immature. Get the hell out as fast as you can. For your child's sake, if nothing else. Grown men with children have no business at a rave. Is he looking for a teenage girl? Why did you get married? If he wanted to be married then he would act like it. Actions speak louder than words. People can say anything. It's what you do and how you act that really matter. Get out now!!!!!
2007-10-30 14:11:15 · answer #10 · answered by ? 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋