The atmosphere in Virginia is considerably fast paced. You make good friends, and then it seems like they dissapear. There are people from all over the world that go on vacation there. Overall the atmosphere is very.......(I need a word here).........However Pennsylvania's atmosphere is much slower paced. the people are more friendly here than any other place I have been.
2007-10-30 06:42:48 · 5 answers · asked by robert johnson 2 in Education & Reference ➔ Homework Help
The pace of living in Virginia is considerably fast. You make good friends, or seemingly so, and then they soon disappear, thus giving the impression that they were merely 'fair weather friends'. There are people from all over the world who go on vacation there, which shows that the state must have a global attraction of some sort. Overall the atmosphere is very relaxed. However in Pennsylvania the pace of life is much slower. Because of this the people appear more friendly there than those of any other place I have been to.
2007-10-30 06:54:23 · answer #1 · answered by quatt47 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your paragraph is kinda choppy, jumping from Virgina to Pennsylvania and you need to blend them together and make it ONE, for example, you don't need to use this cause it sucks, I'm just showing you what i mean:
The atmosphere in Virginia is much faster paced then Pennsylvania. In Virginia, it seems as though as soon as you meet a good friend, they disappear moving on to something bigger and better. It is a popular, busy place for travellers from all over the world to visit where Pennsylvania seems much more quiet. I enjoy the slow pace of Pennsylvania's atmosphere much more than Virginia's or any other place i have been. The people just seem much more friendlier and friends stick around allot longer and that's what i like.
2007-10-30 13:59:37 · answer #2 · answered by louie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A paragraph should string together sentences with a common theme, so I think it should be broken into multiple paragraphs with more meaningful detail. You use "atmosphere" too much. Your sentences don't flow well at all, which makes the paragraph too fragmented to a reader. my example:
Virginia’s atmosphere is considerably fast paced, making long-term friendships an effervescent illusion. But despite its hectic way of life, Virginia attracts vacationers from the world over.
By contrast, Pennsylvania left me with the impression of a slower-paced lifestyle which values friendship. Perhaps that’s how Philadelphia, the “City of Brotherly Love”, earned its title.
2007-10-30 13:58:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good topic to write about. And you have great cons and pros. but it seems that the paragraph is random. Introduce what you are going to talk about and tell what two states to talk about in the first sentence.
Also what for your commas.
If you need more adjectives then refer to a thesaurus.
Or just go to word type a simple word in like "fun" and right click to the thesaurus and you get better adjectives that makes the paragraph more interesting and intelligent.
2007-10-30 14:56:44 · answer #4 · answered by αмαи∂α 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need spell check.
You have used the word "atmosphere" way too many times and not exactly correctly. You also change the person in the middle of the paragraph.
Try again and repost! :)
2007-10-30 13:47:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋